Loveair Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I had two dates with a good guy. It's been many weeks since then and we've barely had any contact. I am interested, don't know about him. But had a bad day on the second date and wasn't feeling good at the time. He must have felt I was off. Should I text to tell him? How can I tell him in a way without sounding like I want him, I just want to explain.
hptalbot Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I would check in and say something like "Hey, I've been meaning to get in touch. How have things been?" Then let the conversation flow. I know as guy, I don't text twice in a row because I don't want to appear needy or clingy, and he may be waiting to hear from you if he messaged last. Also, if he has done most of the initiating up to this point he may be tired of doing the work. He may be waiting for you to take initiative. Guys are usually fine with starting things up and getting things going but we also don't want to feel like we are the only ones putting in effort. 1
Author Loveair Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 I would check in and say something like "Hey, I've been meaning to get in touch. How have things been?" Then let the conversation flow. I know as guy, I don't text twice in a row because I don't want to appear needy or clingy, and he may be waiting to hear from you if he messaged last. Also, if he has done most of the initiating up to this point he may be tired of doing the work. He may be waiting for you to take initiative. Guys are usually fine with starting things up and getting things going but we also don't want to feel like we are the only ones putting in effort. Since then I have done most of the initiating. That's why I somehow want to explain that I had a bad day, so he's not thinking that is how I'm like as a person. I felt I couldn't focus.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Do not text any sort of explanation. Text is a terrible form of communication. On the date, it would have been OK to say you were having a bad day. I had a rotten day yesterday, snapped at my husband when I got home, said sorry, hid from him for a little while, then came back out for a pleasant supper once I righted myself. Bad days happen. However, since you failed to address it then, to bring it up now, weeks later, is just odd. To the extent it possibly played a role in his perception of you, it's too late to do anything about it now. More importantly it's the type of discussion that if it happened needs non-verbal cues for it to make any sense. To attempt this by text will kill the relationship. Don't do it! You say you have done most of the initiating since then. That means he's done some, right? Just let things be and enable him to see what kind of a person you are by how you act now.
Kamille Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Let it go. As the website says, plenty more fish in the sea. The guy for you will like you even on your bad days, I just came to find out the happy way.
CptInsano Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I would have explained it earlier. I've had women take pain medication rather than blow a date with me. I took that as a sign of genuine interest if somebody showed up for a date on a bad day. It may be too late now, but if you are really into the guy I would reach out. You have little to lose.
Chilli Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 (edited) Do not text any sort of explanation. Text is a terrible form of communication. On the date, it would have been OK to say you were having a bad day. I had a rotten day yesterday, snapped at my husband when I got home, said sorry, hid from him for a little while, then came back out for a pleasant supper once I righted myself. Bad days happen. However, since you failed to address it then, to bring it up now, weeks later, is just odd. To the extent it possibly played a role in his perception of you, it's too late to do anything about it now. More importantly it's the type of discussion that if it happened needs non-verbal cues for it to make any sense. To attempt this by text will kill the relationship. Don't do it! You say you have done most of the initiating since then. That means he's done some, right? Just let things be and enable him to see what kind of a person you are by how you act now. Just wondering , sounds like your really , really against texting anything half important ,is there reasons for that , is texting stuff that bad ? The reason l ask is that in y LDR ,when we couldn't be together which was a helluva a lot of the time , we mainly text , and man did we have some sh@t , ridiculous sh@t happen and things flare up over the craziest things. Yet over the phone or in person , we never even had a ripple it was beautiful. l must've reminded gf of that 20times. ls texting generally just that bad is it ? So many people say things about texting. Sometimes l wonder if we ever would have even had any problems at all if only we weren't texting. Sorry to detract from your problem Loveair btw. It does sound like he's lost it sorry to say but never know, maybe your mood did do it so it might be worth a shot one way or another with just a light explanation , keep it short and sweet though. Good luck. Edited May 24, 2017 by Chilli
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Just wondering , sounds like your really , really against texting anything half important ,is there reasons for that , is texting stuff that bad ? The reason l ask is that in y LDR ,when we couldn't be together which was a helluva a lot of the time , we mainly text , and man did we have some sh@t , ridiculous sh@t happen and things flare up over the craziest things. Yet over the phone or in person , we never even had a ripple it was beautiful. l must've reminded gf of that 20times. ls texting generally just that bad is it ? So many people say things about texting. Sometimes l wonder if we ever would have even had any problems at all if only we weren't texting. I am against texting. It's one thing in an LDR where you don't have much else but too many people hide behind it. You need human interaction to build true intimacy. Most communication is non-verbal -- eye contact, facial expressions, tone etc. All of that is lost through text. Text is a convenience. It's not a substitute for interaction IRL. It should not be used in place of face to face discussions. Even in an LDR, why wouldn't you pick Skype or voice (phone) over cold words on a screen. Especially when the subject is nuanced & emotional you will screw it up beyond repair if you try to text & omit all the non verbal cues. 3
Chilli Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Oh hell yeah , you aren't wrong , dunno how many times that happened to us texting. Yeah we skyped and called and all that too all thr time, not one drama , ever, l don't think. And a helluva lot of nice texting too ,but if there was any sh@t you could bet it would be while texting.
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