Divorce after a year!! : (

[Bubbles270]

I married my fiancé following his proposed in Dec 2015 after three years together. There was an age gap and he was younger.

 

In February this year I found out that he had been cheating on me with not one but two girls he meet online gaming. He did this whole suffering from depression routine on me to hid it making me believe he needed time, space and to spend some time alone which I (believing him) gave.

 

He didn't tell me about them. I had to suffer the embarrassment of finding out after he left me for the second one taking my property (and a car that was in my name) with him forcing me to collect it and see my replacement....slight shock.

 

Sorry that sounds cruel but hell! The nicest thing I can say is at least her tats appear to be spelt correctly and she's now got a part time job!

 

She knew he was married of course and since the day I discovered her I've been unable to have any form of reasonable conversation with my husband as he will not communicate without her involvement. I'm pretty sure she's made up some awful stories about me too but that just what happens I guess.

 

Thankfully we don't have children. I lost our daughter just after we got together which if I'm honest may well have been the reason I coped with his laziness for so long. I did love him however but he changed after we married as I think he thought I did.

 

Now don't get me wrong. I DONT want him back as I knew he was also messaging a girl when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend too and frankly, I'd never trust him again so I see no point.

 

But (and this is the annoying bit) I am so angry and time doesn't seem to be helping at moment. I have so many questions as to how you just walk away and literally ignore someone from that day on. It makes me question if he ever loved me as I could never treat someone this why even if I descided not to be with them.

 

I was never given the chance to go anything about this situation as he lied from day one about it all and the lies just go on and on. I am now filing for divorce.

 

I do miss him (or miss who I thought I had) but what really bothers me is that I wake up alone while he wakes up with someone who thinks he's amazing.

 

Prople say he'll get what's coming etc but I just hate that he's made me feel like a victim who wasn't good enough, was too old and then plastered his new girlfriend all over social media a week before even telling he he wasn't coming home.

 

Just feeling the injustice I guess that my marriage lasted a year after I waited so long to marry........anyone else get this, praying it's not just me!! lol xxxx

[Jagged100]

First I'm sorry that you've had to go through this and that you're hurting. I understand exactly what you mean, you're glad it's over but you're struggling with how easy it was for him to move on. It makes you feel like a fool and wonder if any of it was real. I can't answer that but for you it was, so grieve for what you've lost and then do your best to move on from him. He wasn't right for you and never deserved you, so don't let him take anymore of your life.

[preraph]

Life isn't fair. It's often the kindest people who try to do the right thing who get taken advantage of and hurt the most. So sorry you're going through this. Sorry you lost your child. But at least you're no longer tied to him and can never see him again soon.

[Captivating]

Bubbles,

I understand how painful this must be on you right now, I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

Just know that in a couple of months when you see things more clearly, you might think that this event was a blessing in disguise Meaning, that it's for the best.

Just imagine living with a person with this emotionally immature nature for years. Life brings hardships, difficulties that need to be dealt with a mature adult mind.....he is clearly not someone you can count on on any level.

There are people who are addicted to the "high" of the beginnings of a new relationship, this new relationship of his will get old too in a year or two then what? Is it time for an upgrade again ? This might be stemming from self esteem issues trying to feel wanted again and again...who knows what his deal is.

Bubbles, I truly think that you are better off without him. He seems to be a coward who does not know what he wants in life really. He should treat you with respect even if he wanted to break up with you.....this is a reflection ON HIM, not you ! There will be a time when he will regret this. So....stay in no contact with him, block him from everywhere after the divorce, occupy yourself slowly building a new life without him, meet friends/family to hang out with, don't isolate yourself. It will take time.....be patient and be kind to yourself. Keep posting up here !! Good night !

[Kelsy]

Please remember he is not an honest person and has no emphaty (social media show :S). I am pretty sure he will treat her the same way when the newness is gone. Its his personality. The new girl is not better than you, she is just new. Most likely he is unhappy himself, always looking for something "better".

 

You deserve a better, mature man. Level up and dont look back.

I am sure you don´t want to be with someone like him. He probably has some good qualities too but please dont forget his bad ones. There were red flags before marriage.

 

Be thankful for not having this guy in your life making you miserable.

 

Remember attraction and feelings will fade in time but his sh...y personality stays.

 

Stay strong and confident! You are beautiful inside out and deserve a loving man.

[Bella_Lee]

@Bubbles270 so sorry to hear what happened to your marriage. It is sad when someone you love treats you in an unloving manner especially after being together for 4 years and understandably you have questions as to what went wrong. I can only encourage you not to allow the anger and hurt to hinder you from moving forward to a better place. The healing process can sometimes take time, so be patient with yourself. I suggest looking into counselling, really to help you process how you are feeling and the emotions that come with it. From my experience, sometimes one spouse makes choices from a selfish standpoint and this really has nothing to do with the other spouse. I wish you all the best and a future full of true love, you are worth it.

[Redhead14]

I just hate that he's made me feel like a victim -- The very first thing you must do, and right now, is to drop this mentality. You do not have to take on that victim mentality!!!!!

 

What you do with this situation is view it as an education about yourself and how to recognize and evaluate how you deal with issues in relationships when they arise and, realize that, while people can change, it doesn't happen often enough to put yourself into something so deeply as to lose yourself in it.

 

He did this whole suffering from depression routine on me to hid it making me believe he needed time, space and to spend some time alone which I (believing him) gave -- Everyone, married or not, needs to some alone time once in while. But, when they request that often or for extended periods of time without sharing at least some of what's going on, they are pushing you away for other reasons which includes a lack of a real connection to you. If he were so depressed, other aspects of his life would be failing/faltering as well . . . if it's just the relationship that's being affected, it means there's something wrong in the relationship, and in this case, HIM. It's not that there was some clinical issue he was dealing with. He's dealing with character issues . . . and these girls will likely be seeing that as well at some point. On top of that, one girl in particular knew he was married, therefore, her character and boundaries are out of whack. Which may also be the reason they "connect" so well. Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

Pick yourself up and do what needs to be done. Get really focused on you and your own life now as a single, independent and strong woman with lots to offer and can do that with or without someone in your life. Do as many nice things for yourself as you can and at least one thing every single day.

[Maldives]

I can definatly relate I felt only that way this morning waking up alone.

 

As a friend said it's bound to happen in a breakup one of u are going to meet someone else 1st it's painful.

 

Altho his not worth ur tears. Like my ex me and u both just have to make a conscious decision to let them go really let them go and move on.

That's where that feeling comes from some part of us is still holding on focusing on them while there not

[Gr8fuln2020]

Move on. I was in a similar situation minus the cheating and I ended it, really, long before the year mark. When the divorce is final, it is such a relief and an awakening to new possibilities.

 

Word of advice....go for simple dissolution. Depending on state, your divorce should be over within 2-3 months.

 

I am sorry that he didn't turn out to be what you hoped, but it sounds like he never was.

[frigginlost]

I married my fiancé following his proposed in Dec 2015 after three years together. There was an age gap and he was younger.

 

In February this year I found out that he had been cheating on me with not one but two girls he meet online gaming. He did this whole suffering from depression routine on me to hid it making me believe he needed time, space and to spend some time alone which I (believing him) gave.

 

He didn't tell me about them. I had to suffer the embarrassment of finding out after he left me for the second one taking my property (and a car that was in my name) with him forcing me to collect it and see my replacement....slight shock.

 

Sorry that sounds cruel but hell! The nicest thing I can say is at least her tats appear to be spelt correctly and she's now got a part time job!

 

She knew he was married of course and since the day I discovered her I've been unable to have any form of reasonable conversation with my husband as he will not communicate without her involvement. I'm pretty sure she's made up some awful stories about me too but that just what happens I guess.

 

Thankfully we don't have children. I lost our daughter just after we got together which if I'm honest may well have been the reason I coped with his laziness for so long. I did love him however but he changed after we married as I think he thought I did.

 

Now don't get me wrong. I DONT want him back as I knew he was also messaging a girl when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend too and frankly, I'd never trust him again so I see no point.

 

But (and this is the annoying bit) I am so angry and time doesn't seem to be helping at moment. I have so many questions as to how you just walk away and literally ignore someone from that day on. It makes me question if he ever loved me as I could never treat someone this why even if I descided not to be with them.

 

I was never given the chance to go anything about this situation as he lied from day one about it all and the lies just go on and on. I am now filing for divorce.

 

I do miss him (or miss who I thought I had) but what really bothers me is that I wake up alone while he wakes up with someone who thinks he's amazing.

 

Prople say he'll get what's coming etc but I just hate that he's made me feel like a victim who wasn't good enough, was too old and then plastered his new girlfriend all over social media a week before even telling he he wasn't coming home.

 

Just feeling the injustice I guess that my marriage lasted a year after I waited so long to marry........anyone else get this, praying it's not just me!! lol xxxx

 

I'm not going to be one of the ones to say "move on" or "life isn't fair" etc. I'm going to answer your question.

 

Yes, there are others that get it. It is not just you.

 

Being cheated on, lied to, having a new person in the mix shoved down your throat, feeling you've been left behind, feeling used, feeling so unfairly treated, is a bunch of crap. But guess what? What you are feeling is totally normal. And yes, someday he will get his. But your goal right now is to ride out the roller coaster of crap feelings and get to a point where you just don't care. It is a painful trip, but you will get there.