deorro Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Bit of a back story: 3 years ago I dated a girl I was absolutely crazy for. We fell hard for each other. I had been in two previous long term relationships of over 3 years and never had I felt this way before. We only lasted 6 months before she decided to end things because of both our age difference (6 years) and the distance (4 hour drive). I was pretty crushed and decided to move to a different country. Had the absolute time of my life, partying and meeting other girls. However I still missed her. I ended up coming home after a year abroad but never reached out to her. We had exchanged the odd message over the past 3 years but nothing substantial. Upon coming home I met the most amazing girl. She is absolutely stunning, by far the best looking girl I have been with. She also cared and appreciated me 100x more than the past girl. I began to realize how amazing a relationship should be. Weve been together for a year and Ive been incredibly happy...Until just a few weeks ago I got a text from my previous X. She wanted to meet up and I said Yes to brunch. It was great to see her but she still made me realize how lucky I am to be with my current girlfriend. My predicament: Ever since seeing her I cant get over this feeling of 'what if'. I still think about what my life would be like if I was with her and not my current gf. Its a classic case of wanting what you cant have or the grass is greener. How does everyone deal with these feelings?
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 the past is gone for a reason its not meant to be relived live in the present be happy for all you have now ....or you could lose it...i feel keeping that perspective helps you appreciate your gf who si with you now..think about a possible life without her..then you might realize just how lucky you are....and keep moving on ....with her ...not your ex......deb 1
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 You only lasted 6 months with the first one. This one, you've been happy for a whole year, which is MUCH harder to do, so do not throw that away sneaking around. Tell the ex you don't want to mess up a good thing but if it ever falls apart, you'll see what she's up to. 5
mightycpa Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 The reason is pretty simple. You weren't ready for her to go when she was ready to leave. So in your mind, there was nothing wrong, and while you intellectually understand why it's over, your heart has no idea, can't accept the idea that this was the right thing to do. That's why you're stuck. You're probably never going to think it was a great idea. The best you'll be able to do is not think about it until enough time and space and life allows you to be ok with it. I have no doubt seeing her was great. The problem is the cost of seeing her, which is measured in hours, days and weeks of second guessing something you shouldn't even be thinking about right now. You may like this girl you're with, but this little obsession of yours is throwing gravel on this path. She doesn't know this about you, because she WAS ready to leave. Her questions are answered, there are no "what ifs" and you're a sweet memory that she gets to refresh every so often at zero cost. You're footing the bill. You've got to cut if off with her if you're to find peace. You have three choices, you can cut it off with her without telling her the real reason (ghost or lie), or you can cut it off with her and tell her the truth, or, you can rinse, lather and repeat with her until such time as her life gets to the point where you become expendable. That WILL happen, she'll get married, maybe move, maybe have kids, maybe do a million things, but she'll get too busy and you'll be discarded as a nicety, but not a necessity in her life. Get in front of this and end it, it's the only way out. If you tell her the truth, she'll probably help you out and leave you alone. If you don't, she may bug you a little to find out what's going on, or maybe she'll take the hint. Hard to say from my vantage point. Either way, it doesn't matter. The end result it what you want, even though I know you don't really want that... which is why you have to have it. See what I'm saying? 1
Versacehottie Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 check yo' self before you wreck yo'self !!!! Seriously, it's your mostly ego that is seeking validation and has retained attraction to the 6 month girl. It can be that you are also still attracted and interested to her but things didn't work out--they didn't--remind yourself of that. And don't mess up a good thing. Your current gf sounds pretty much like a dream girl....maybe you just need a bit more tension and drama to "feel" like something is really worth it. I urge to come down to earth and imagine life without your current girlfriend. She sure sounds worth it. Don't mess it up! 2
AJ27k Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Personally for me, I do find it a little challenging to get over someone I loved and was in a relationship for a long time. Last year at this time a 3 year relationship I was in ended, long story short we got in a series of arguments over moving, which I couldn't because I was only halfway through a graduate program, and a transfer to another university would have been a huge set back. But she wanted to move back to her family. We were going to try distance but broke up a week before she moved back. Fast forward till now, I still have days where I miss her or regret not just taking the hit and moving with her. We occasionally exchange messages but its over. I am glad you found someone you are happier with and it gives me hope!. Ultimately that's the goal, I hope to be there too in the near future! 3
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