Kkristine Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) I started seeing this guy almost 2 months ago. We see each other about 4/5x a week, with 99% of them being overnight stays at my place. About a week ago, I started feeling like the relationship was going stale. I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I guess I was feeling more annoyed than anything, as I like my private time. We talked about it last night, and he agreed with me in that we shouldn't be spending so much time together. He hinted at the fact that it has put a damper on his sex drive, which I was surprised by. He also said that that is the reason he doesn't want me staying at his house. Because he likes his routine in the morning. However, I did feel so much better after our talk. So, today, we haven't really texted much. To be honest, I almost went the entire work day not really thinking too much about him. Just enjoyed myself. I think deep down, my anxiety about spending too much time together has a deeper meaning. I'm going to try and take things slow; it's not like I have to marry him tomorrow. But, I know this feeling... Do you think spending too much time together in a new relationship has trouble written all over it? A few weeks ago I told the guy I loved him. My feelings did an almost complete 180. Edited May 23, 2017 by Kkristine
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Yeah. Why become an old married couple bored with each other any sooner than you have to? Too much time together and before long, what else is there to talk about and you just want to relax and not have to entertain anyone. Two months is a really short time, so both of you agree on how often you want to get together, maybe 2 days a week, and also agree on not texting back and forth because that runs you out of anything new to say too. Wouldn't it liven up the dates if you both had to catch each other up on your week? Then see how long it's still fun. If it lasts long enough, maybe you will get to the point where you can just be quiet and domestic together -- or not. There's a time for that and it's not when you're young and full of energy.
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Yes. It's definitely possible to spend too much time together. There is a reason why it is advisable to continue to spend time with your friends and family, continue to follow your own interests, and do your own thing when in a new relationship. Relationships take time to build. And even when you've been together for a while, it's healthy to have some time to yourself to do your own thing. Besides... How will he ever miss you if you are always together... So much fun to see each other again after a day or two apart!
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Yes spending that much time together under 2 months dating is damaging. You have skipped several important steps of dating like flirting, seducing, anticipating, the pleasure of escalating the relationship, etc. This man may be the best thing that happened to you but because you over did it you both are having an indigestion. I always compare this to chocolate. Don't you love chocolate? but you'll love it less if you eat 5-lbs of it in a day. Some people will be able to eat chocolate again after a while, others will be put off by chocolate for the rest of their life. The best thing to do is to let it unfold naturally from here without putting any pressure on it. Go back to 'dating'. It's possible it's over though, if it is don't worry you'll meet someone else and know to keep it at a slower pace in the beginning. 1
OatsAndHall Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I need a fair amount of time to myself, whether I am enjoying my hobbies (fishing, working out, etc..) or just relaxing at home. I don't do many overnights with my SO for the first month of two; maybe one weekend night.. I establish those boundaries early in a relationship and it does bother some of the woman that I date. But, I need to do so for my own sanity and for the sake of the relationship. I need to feel a solid emotional connection with a woman before I can spend copious amounts of time with them without losing patience. And, I think it is just healthier anyway; I show my SO that I care about them but that I have an existence outside of the relationship.
Author Kkristine Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 Thank you all so much for the responses. I did feel like he was something special in the beginning, something not even comparable to a previous serious relationship. It's good to know this is normal and that it's wise to keep it at a slow and steady pace. Those "love" feelings may be gone for now, but again, I'm going to see how things go in the next few weeks with these new boundaries. We actually agreed last night that we'd keep it to 2x a week with no overnights, for now.
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