fmfan08 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) Hey, it's me again, probably overthinking things.. Started talking to this very good looking girl on POF, who favourited me, and we sent paragraph length replies to each other every few hours. She didn't seem to use the dating service much from the looks of it. Anyway we spoke a fair bit, built some rapport, etc and I had asked for her number. I didn't hear back from her until 3 days later so I thought that was done, but she said "Evening Yeah that sounds good, talking over messages is easier than on here. My numbers ########" So we started texting yesterday evening.. Here is the conversation: CLICK She works 9-5 weekdays, but it's nearly 9:30pm and not had a response. Our city had an awful tragedy last night where a bomb went off, so I was wondering maybe meeting in the city might be putting her off. I'm just a little confused that she shows interest in our interaction but didn't reply to this. I was thinking she might not have received the text, but I highly doubt that.. She'll have got it, I can't see it not being sent. Do I just move on and if she replies then continue with arranging the date? Or do I reach out in 2-3 days time? Edited May 23, 2017 by fmfan08
GemmaUK Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 You only sent the message a few hours ago - maybe she has a life going on? Guessing you live in Manchester - there's quite a lot going on just there now. 1
Author fmfan08 Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 You only sent the message a few hours ago - maybe she has a life going on? Guessing you live in Manchester - there's quite a lot going on just there now. 9 hours ago it was sent. I was just thinking that it would only take five minutes to agree to the date though. What's the plan if I hear nothing by tomorrow night? I was thinking of saying "We could move it to a different location seeing as what's happened recently in the city" or maybe just not reply again. I do prefer to send at most two messages in a row, incase one of them didn't send before I cut things off. And yeah, Manchester. A lot of people are on edge here.
GemmaUK Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Just relax. Wait. If she is interested she will get back to you. There was a vigil tonight and people all got together, you have no idea either if a friend or relative was involved or hurt. Heck! I live down South but have been talking to friends about it most of tonight - north/south and some whose friends and relatives were there. 1
Author fmfan08 Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 Just relax. Wait. If she is interested she will get back to you. There was a vigil tonight and people all got together, you have no idea either if a friend or relative was involved or hurt. Heck! I live down South but have been talking to friends about it most of tonight - north/south and some whose friends and relatives were there. That's a fair point. I'll give it another day, see if she reaches out. I'll send a second message either tomorrow night or Thursday morning and just say "Unless you feel meeting in town is a problem after what's happened recently, could always meet up somewhere else" then I'll move on if no reply. Hopefully that doesn't sound needy or desperate.. But it's a genuine reason to change the location of a date with what's happened.
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Something like what happened in Manchester can be completely distracting for people. Take precedence over something like texting someone you only know from online. Wait and see. Don't retext. 1
devilish innocent Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 It seems very suspicious that she stopped responding the moment you tried to set down a time to meet. I do think she's ghosting on you, and you shouldn't bother reaching out unless you hear from her first. She waited a few days to respond and give you her number, so I guess there is some possibility she will do the same. The ball is in her court though. 1
vanhalenfan Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 (edited) I would definitely give it more time....Don't text back! This is off topic, but I just have to ask. Why do people from the UK always end EVERY text with "xx"? I've noticed that. Sorry, just seems redundant to end every text with a "kiss kiss" as the conversation is going on. I would think it'd indicate the end of a conversation Edited May 24, 2017 by vanhalenfan 2
Author fmfan08 Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 Forgot about this thread and ended up texting back, didn't see the last few comments. I basically sent a second text at 10:45pm asking if she wanted to move the location and meet somewhere else instead after recent events. 45 minutes later she sends me a text saying "Hey! Sorry for the late reply I've got plans on Friday but I'm free Saturday if you are? Town is fine with me if it is with you... I'll have to have a google because don't think I've seen one of those kind of parrots before! I know some of them can live for 50 years can't they! xx" Then a minute later she sends a second text saying "When I got your message I was booking flights to new york and got carried away lol. So been nattering with the girls about it. I'm not big on my phone so sometimes I can be slow to reply! xx". I replied half an hour later at midnight (was busy with other things) and I joked saying I'll let her off, mentioned a bit about my parrot and just confirmed saying "Saturday at 7, meet at (location)? Last one there has to do a forfeit". It's 5am and I'm awake but not had a reply, assuming she fell asleep. She offered a different day and seemed apologetic but guess we'll see. What do you make of it?
Author fmfan08 Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 I would definitely give it more time....Don't text back! This is off topic, but I just have to ask. Why do people from the UK always end EVERY text with "xx"? I've noticed that. Sorry, just seems redundant to end every text with a "kiss kiss" as the conversation is going on. I would think it'd indicate the end of a conversation I prefer not using them but I copy just to "mirror" and build some sort of rapport from it, whether that actually works haha. But always helps to match the other persons investment into a conversation I find.
GemmaUK Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I think you need to see the situation a bit more realistically, you don't know her and haven't met her even yet, you messages are not an emergency to respond to. Most people sleep between midnight and 5am for instance so don't be expecting a reply. By all means check if she is OK after 3 days silence but a few hours? She has a life, so should you.
hptalbot Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Hey, it's me again, probably overthinking things.. Started talking to this very good looking girl on POF, who favourited me, and we sent paragraph length replies to each other every few hours. She didn't seem to use the dating service much from the looks of it. Anyway we spoke a fair bit, built some rapport, etc and I had asked for her number. I didn't hear back from her until 3 days later so I thought that was done, but she said "Evening Yeah that sounds good, talking over messages is easier than on here. My numbers ########" So we started texting yesterday evening.. Here is the conversation: CLICK She works 9-5 weekdays, but it's nearly 9:30pm and not had a response. Our city had an awful tragedy last night where a bomb went off, so I was wondering maybe meeting in the city might be putting her off. I'm just a little confused that she shows interest in our interaction but didn't reply to this. I was thinking she might not have received the text, but I highly doubt that.. She'll have got it, I can't see it not being sent. Do I just move on and if she replies then continue with arranging the date? Or do I reach out in 2-3 days time? Online Dating is a waiting game. People can go a while without messaging each other. Sometimes its life, sometimes they just are not interested in talking. And **** fizzles a lot. The best thing you can do is not show your hand by letting her know she is getting to you. Just wait for her to respond, in the meantime talk to other women! Keep your options open. You did the right thing by moving things toward a physical meetup, but at that point the ball is in her court and you can't really do anything till she agree to meet up. Learn to be okay with rejection, because in OLD there is a ton of it, at all stages. From the first text to the Xth date.
Author fmfan08 Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 Well after she apologised last night for not replying, but offering Saturday to meet up I've not had a reply again from my message about meeting up at 7pm on Saturday and it's nearly 2pm here. A simple "okay that's fine" text would suffice. I'll wait until Thursday night and if I don't hear anything I'll probably just joke about her forgetfulness and say that we'll sort something out another time and pull away rather than persist or act like I'm "begging" to meet her, I'm just going to walk away instead. Sure she says she's not big on texting, but how hard is it to agree to plans? It just tells me she isn't all that interested and we haven't met anyway so no loss.
GemmaUK Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 she already offered Saturday - you replied to that so as far as she is concerned she's seeing you on Saturday. You already have a time and place to meet so all that is needed is a quick call 24- 48 hrs before to confirm. She has told you she is not big on texting - believe her!! If you are big on texting then you're not going to be compatible from the off. By the way you 'letting her off' and wanting to mention 'her forgetfulness' is only showing your passive aggressive side and it's not attractive.
coolheadal Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 That's a fair point. I'll give it another day, see if she reaches out. I'll send a second message either tomorrow night or Thursday morning and just say "Unless you feel meeting in town is a problem after what's happened recently, could always meet up somewhere else" then I'll move on if no reply. Hopefully that doesn't sound needy or desperate.. But it's a genuine reason to change the location of a date with what's happened. You were text just before 12 night hour and over in 1:00 am hour. Dude chill out give her some space man. She feel asleep on you. Wait and be patient. You push too much on her she goes the other way on you. I am sure you don't want that to happen to do you? Okay then just wait for her to get back in touch with you okay!
Imajerk17 Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 (edited) I would definitely give it more time....Don't text back! This is off topic, but I just have to ask. Why do people from the UK always end EVERY text with "xx"? I've noticed that. Sorry, just seems redundant to end every text with a "kiss kiss" as the conversation is going on. I would think it'd indicate the end of a conversation I agree. Your texting style does seem a bit dancing monkey to me--all those emoticons and "xx" and whatnot. I thought only girls did the "xx" thing by the way. (I notice there are several guys on here who have a texting style similar to yours--where you talk about random stuff such as cats stuck in trees and imply she is "trouble", presumably as an attempt to spike her emotions. Are you all taking texting advice from the same source or is it just a UK thing? Just curious.) But, whatever. She got back to you with a possible day. Anyway OP, you already proposed date and time. This is quite an emotional time for your city I can imagine. Give her time to respond. If you don't hear from her by say Friday AM UK time, then send her a text asking if said place/time works for her. (And keep it simple no need to be talking about climbing trees to rescue cats.) Meanwhile, I made the suggestion--several times on your threads actually--to go quickly from text to a phone call and set up the date then. Edited May 24, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
GemmaUK Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 I'm a woman from the UK and I don't understand the 'xx' thing either. What I have learned though and this is with guys in their 30's and 40's too is that there seems to be some kind of protocol with this. 'x' is not enough and will be questioned. 'xx' is not enough and will be questioned. 'Xx' and 'Xxx' appear to be deemed alright but it's best not to switch between the two as that will get questioned. It also has to be in every single message - even if the message is 'the train is running late so I'll be there a few mins late'. The little negs seem to be instead of saying 'I want you to text me more' or ''I want you to reply within 'xyz' time. Basically a guy will be passive aggressive (in a 'nice just joking' way - which actually is not joking at all) to make you feel guilty for doing whatever it was you were doing and not replying right away.
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