Jisoku Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) I'm going to go ahead and apologize for this being long-winded and maybe seem childish. I have some issues with anxiety and depression which have flared up lately, and it causes me to overthink and obsess over the most mundane things. So, I left a girl I had dated for six years last August. I had the opportunity to move to another state in a slightly larger city, and took it. I recently decided it was time to get out and start dating. I am 28 y/o, very much in shape because I'm a little obsessive about barbell training. I am often a little shy with new people but I'm actively working on that, I can carry conversations through text much more easily than in person. I have been feeling some intense loneliness since leaving my ex and moving to another city. I have few friends here, and really miss have that close connection to someone. I don't miss my ex at all, we had problems, but it's like I miss that entire feeling of being comfortable with someone and always having her to rely on emotionally, or go out and do things, whatever. Anyways... I went to the typical online dating resources, talked to some girls here and there. It seemed like most weren't really my type, too normal or something. I came across a girl who was astonishingly similar to me, in regards to interests, personality, and even her romantic past (also had a long term relationship end and trying to get back out there). She admitted being incredibly shy and a homebody, she has this whole "goth-ish" vibe that seems to be the type I'm attracted to, has a darker sense of humor, and a total bookworm like me. I noticed right away that she was a little difficult to have conversations with through text, like she often responds slowly or doesn't leave open ended questions to keep things moving. It felt like I had to force the conversations, but she did little things here and there to make me think she was interested in meeting me. I decided to skip chit chat and meet her in person. I was able to get her out on a date. It was a simple date, we visited a local shop we both enjoy, then walked around a bit, sat down at a coffee shop. There was a light rain, but we both apparently enjoy bad weather an sat outside in it. We talked for almost five hours sitting in the rain. I thought she was gorgeous and our conversation seemed to flow, nothing like the texts. I text here an there after the date to let her know I was interested in seeing her again, had a few seemingly positive small conversations, but I wasn't bombarding her with messages or anything. I chalked up her unresponsiveness to texts and inability to hold conversations through that medium as a symptom of shyness or anxiety. I set up a second date, we were going to eat some food and go see some bands, but we got caught up in conversation at the dinner that we didn't even bother going to the show. Afterwards, we walked around town talking. I was looking for an opportunity to be physical, nothing major but touch her and gauge reaction. I clammed up and didn't try anything, but still had a great time. We spent another four hours together on that date talking, it seemed positive. She had a family trip for about 5 days afterwards. I had one short conversation with her through text after the date, and decided to lay back a couple days. I talked to her Wednesday, and let her spend time with her family. I checked back in on Saturday, we had a good conversation, and I asked her to go out with me again to another show for Wednesday. She declined because she has some plans with family, and told me specifically what she was doing and seemed genuinely disappointed, not like she was blowing me off. So, on Sunday I simply said "I would like to see you again soon". She got back to me after her long drive back home, saying "I know I've got time this week, I'll let you know" and went to sleep. I responded with looking forward to it, and since then I haven't heard anything. It's Tuesday now, and she is a busy person with work, but I would expect a girl who's into someone to be a little eager and check back in with me already. I've never dealt with a girl who has such a reserved personality, so while I'm really hoping that she's simply intimidated, anxious, and that I need to keep working at getting to her... but if any other girl seemed this aloof, I would assume she was uninterested and move on. So, basically my options at this point are to text her again today and fish around to see if she has some free time. Or, I could wait until maybe Thursday to see of she contacts me first. There's another show on Sunday, and I could ask her out again to that. Or, I could drop things altogether and cut my losses if she never initiates contacts. I'm not entirely sure what to send either. I have been mostly playful in our conversations, not seeming seriously interested yet, although clearly this obsessive thinking means I must be more than I initially thought I would be. So, maybe I should ask her a third date again, maybe be a little more open about being interested in her. I haven't really been paying her physical compliments and being too cheesy, maybe I need to be a little more dorky like that. I don't know what to say though, not some insane admission of love or anything, just a little something to let her know I am emotionally interested in seeing where things could lead. I would love to get a third date, and this time I plan on probably asking to kiss her. I talked to a couple female friends who think asking before making a physical move would be better with such a shy girl, and I can frame it in a sweet/playful way. I feel like if I take a step to make our connection a little more physical, it might be easier. I'm confident in that area, I'm much better physically demonstrating affection than verbally. I should probably accept the loss and move on, I have some other girls I could be talking to. This one is stuck in my head though, it only took two dates to have me thinking about her so much, which is weird to me. I'm not the type to get connected to someone easily. I really need some advice, is this girl not interested in me and I'm not reading the signals? Are shy girls really this difficult? I got lame and read some articles and message boards online, and it seems like her behavior through text and such is normal for shy people if they feel anxious. Do you think she's interested and I should give a third date one more shot? Should I directly ask on Thursday, or should I make some light contact with her first, like today? I am not awful with women, not great either. I typically seem to understand how to keep them interested and flirt, but this girl is making me feel like an unsure teenager again. It doesn't help that I'm going through this mood of loneliness and depression. I seriously keep looking at my phone through the night and thinking about her anytime I sit still. It's so bizarre for me to feel like this, and I feel bad that I'm so messed up over a girl I just met. I am even still having some conversations with other girls and had a couple other dates, but they don't matter to me. It's that particular shy girl I want to spend more time with, but not sure how to make it happen or make myself feel positive about how things are looking. Just give a dude some advice, I guess. This whole situation is weird for me, it's not like me to be so attached and obsessive over this. I don't like seeing so insecure. Edited May 23, 2017 by Jisoku
todreaminblue Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 maybe a bit fo chill would be good....and maybe knowing what you really want to do and going for it instead of asking what you could do..i would say if you hav eto ask what you could do...shoudl you really be doing what you dont feel is organic or natural.......... .follow your heart is my suggestion....go easy on yourself......at the same time......is another suggestion...deb 1
Author Jisoku Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) I have ideas for dates if she just gives me a signal or time she's free. Edited May 23, 2017 by Jisoku
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