What's the likelihood of me and my ex gf getting back together?

[bullsfan23]

My ex and I split a month and a half ago. The first month we talked but it was always those weird post-breakup convos that never had a purpose to them. I heard about the "no contact rule" and figured i give it a shot because nothing i was doing was making anything better. I went a week without talking to her and i made sure to post a lot on social media to kind of show her that i was busy and having fun without her. Fast forward 2 weeks, we have hung out 3 times and already have plans to hang out two more times in the next three days (not to mention we had sex the second time hanging out). Only thing wrong is that she said that the week that we didn't talk, she hooked up with the same guy twice, but they only went down on each other ( not actual intercourse ). As of right now, i feel mixed about that because i know she didn't do anything wrong, but she still only waited a month to hook up with someone. May i note that we dated for 3 YEARS! So i feel like i actually made it worse by not talking to her that week. I know its not really my fault, but its hard to tell myself that it was just a coincidence. So what should i do? Should i let it go( which if we got back together i could probably do ) or just move on from her all together?

[Jagged100]

If you want to move on then go NC, I think you're both playing games. You can't expect her to stay single, you're broken up for all intents and purposes. Yes it hurts, but everyone deals differently. If you don't want to get back together with her, don't lead her on.

[anika99]

I don't think you fully understand no contact. It not something you only do for one week while posting things on social media to get the other persons attention. That's not no contact so you never gave no contact a try.

 

Do whatever you want but you can't accuse your ex of playing games while you are still engaging with her. You are both playing at something.

[d0nnivain]

If you were still connected by social media you were not in NC. NC contact means all methods of communication are severed.

 

 

You were the one who has been playing games. You tried to use NC to manipulate her into missing you. You simultaneously posted exciting picture of you on social media so she would get the idea that you were having fun without her.

 

 

Having broken up & now not hearing from you, she moved on too.

 

 

For reasons that make no sense, you two are talking again but now you are upset because she had oral sex with another guy.

 

 

What do you want here? If you want reconciliation and the things that broke you apart have been fixed, tell her that & work to rebuild the relationship. I doubt the things that drove you to break up are resolved. It doesn't appear that you even addressed them so what does getting back together achieve, more of something that wasn't working plus now you will be obsessed & bothered about this other guy? Sounds like a lousy plan to me.

 

 

If you want to break up, delete her from everything & stop talking to her. Until you complete remove each other from your lives you can't move forward.

[bullsfan23]

So my ex and I dated for 3 years and it honestly was a great relationship. She was/is my first love and i still have very intense feelings for her. She recently broke up with me a month and a half ago, and i was devastated. Basically a month after she broke up with me, she hooked up with this guy twice in the same week. They didn't have sex, but they both went down on each other. When she did this, we were going no contact and my ex admits that she did this with this guy because she thought i moved on from her. Well recently we have hung out 3 times and on the second time we had sex. All in all, we are much closer now and it does feel like there is a good chance of us getting back together. The only thing is i don't know how to feel about this "rebound" that she had. I'm trying to think of it from a simple point of view, but it's hard to just kind of forget about it completely you know? I also believe that if we get back together, i wont be insecure and probably wont care as much. So what should i do?

[SevenCity]

So my ex and I dated for 3 years and it honestly was a great relationship. She was/is my first love and i still have very intense feelings for her. She recently broke up with me a month and a half ago, and i was devastated. Basically a month after she broke up with me, she hooked up with this guy twice in the same week. They didn't have sex, but they both went down on each other. When she did this, we were going no contact and my ex admits that she did this with this guy because she thought i moved on from her. Well recently we have hung out 3 times and on the second time we had sex. All in all, we are much closer now and it does feel like there is a good chance of us getting back together. The only thing is i don't know how to feel about this "rebound" that she had. I'm trying to think of it from a simple point of view, but it's hard to just kind of forget about it completely you know? I also believe that if we get back together, i wont be insecure and probably wont care as much. So what should i do?

 

Since you were not together try not to think about it at all. I know it's hard but you have to handle it like you handle guys she was with before you met.

 

If you think about it the impacts to you and your relationship will be severe.

 

If she's back with you apparently he wasn't so great anyway.

 

My bigger concern is she did it out of spite or revenge. That would make me wonder about her character.

[Ronni_W]

, but it's hard to just kind of forget about it completely you know?

You don't have to 'forget about it', you only have to make it not mean anything important or significant as a factor in your own self-esteem and happiness moving forward. This applies whether or not you two end up reconciling.

 

As SevenCity says, when it happened she was free to act in whatever ways she felt at the time would be conducive to or constructive for her own growth and learning, or self-esteem, or happiness -- or whatever were her actual reasons. It could have been as simple as to satisfy a sexual impulse/drive. No matter, though, because it still isn't something for you to allow to negatively impact your own growth and learning and happiness in life.

[preraph]

Nothing wrong with dating or sleeping with other people after a breakup. Now you know she moves on quick, so if you're going to get back together, better do what it takes to make it work out.

[mightycpa]

What part of "she went down on him" are you having trouble with? Are you horrified that she'd do this with a guy who she's not really in love with, or are you relieved?

 

Catch my drift?

[mightycpa]

Your ex is playing with other guys. As a result, you're the one who's playing mind games with you. You don't know how to react to an otherwise fairly common situation.

 

There's a girl who you like. You know she's seeing other guys, and she's 69'ing with at least one. You'd like to go out with her, and while she's perfectly happy to see you, and sometimes gives you sex, she doesn't seem at all interested in an exclusive relationship.

 

What do you do?

[Marc878]

No contact works only if you do it. You're making excuses to try and hang on.

 

Self imposed limbo.

[Altair0770]

You're playing the mind games when you post on social media only to brag about how much you don't need her. You're also doing NC completely wrong.

 

NC involves cutting all contact so you can HEAL. Your ex coming back, if that even happens, is just a cherry ontop. Everyone here says NC is to heal. That is the point, because you'll never be in a position to get your ex back and keep them if you continue this route. Maybe she'll come back if you play this, but you'll be back here very soon.

 

NC involves removing them completely from your life. Ignoring breadcrumbs, not stalking social media, and not trying to make yourself out there.

 

They need to be able to experience life without you, as if you're dead and they killed you off. Disappear, and they'll wonder and experience life without you. It's easy to sniff-out what people truly are doing on social media. I always say social media is a lie. Sure there are those that will post how miserable they are on social media, but generally people only post things on social media that will make them look superior to others or happy. It's easy to be crying your eyes out because your ex is gone but post "I'm doing super amazing!". Both dumpees and dumpers can do this.

 

For you to heal, she needs to disappear. And once you're healed, then you'd be at a position to take her back if that's what she wants.

 

But right now you're both struggling with the breakup, and she hasn't made any decision to come back to you. All she's doing is getting comfortable with you while not committing.

 

She made a choice to dump you. Now let her experience the full effects of that choice. That is the only thing that will ever truly bring someone back. But she can go give head all she wants and still come cuddle with you all she wants, and you're never going to progress into reconciliation that way.

[bullsfan23]

Long story short, my ex and I talk pretty regularly and hang out quite often. This is all pretty new, but it is something to be proud of for both of us. We broke up a month and a half ago, but we have stayed in contact pretty much the entire time. Pretty much, my ex says that she wants to see the fun, happy, exciting side of me, instead of the serious side of me. The serious side is when I kinda talk about my feelings and us getting back together. This all makes sense to me and her, so I don't mind doing it at all. The reason she wants this is because she doesn't want to feel pressured into getting back with me. She wants it to feel as natural as possible. I totally respect this, so next time I see her I am going to be the person that she wants me to be. My only concern is that if I do all of this, it might still not be enough for us to get back together. Of course I know that if that was the case, than it wasn't meant to be. It's just something that really terrifies me. She keeps saying that she wants to see how I've changed, not just hear that I have. So pretty much, what do you guys think? Is there a good chance we get back together?

[penelopeanne]

how is that natural? hiding your feelings and not showing any other emotion besides happiness?

this is not healthy at all.

[jamili]

In my opinion and my experience:

 

1. Hanging out/keeping in contact with your ex for the reasons you are = express train to the friendzone.

 

2. Hanging out with/keeping in contact with your ex is extremely unhealthy and will almost surely destroy your next relationship with the next girl.

 

3. There isnt a single thing wrong with being "serious" and sharing your feelings. In fact, this is healthy. What is NOT healthy is what she apparently "wants you to be".

 

4. Your actions and willingness to hang around in this manner in hopes that she will take you back looks incredibly pathetic and makes you look like you have no self respect, no confidence, and completely willing to be a doormat. I dont care what she says... there is no doubt in my mind that this is in fact making her LESS attracted to you.

 

5. You need some hardcore NC so you can look back on this with a clear head and see how absolutely cringey this is for you and your self respect. The fact that you are on board with all of this is, frankly, shocking, and I'm confidemt that with a lot of NC and time you will see this.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you keep making threads but then not really replying to the questions anyone asks you.

 

In any case, I don't think this reconciliation will work. She wants you to be someone you're not, which is the opposite of natural. You'll only be able to keep that up for so long.

[jamili]

OP, you keep making threads but then not really replying to the questions anyone asks you.

 

In any case, I don't think this reconciliation will work. She wants you to be someone you're not, which is the opposite of natural. You'll only be able to keep that up for so long.

 

 

Honestly that wont even work. Even if he 100% transformed into what she wanted him to be, she doesnt want him back. The attraction has been killed with all this contact and hanging out. He had dug himself pretty securely into her "friend zone" at this point and it does not matter what changes he makes, it wont jumpstart her attraction. He will need to go completely ghost on her of there is any slim chance remaining after all this damage he's done.