kittyxo Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months now. He has told me on several occasions that he has these kind of personal breakdowns and has told me in the past to "give him space" This weekend, he had another breakdown and immediately wanted to see me, however I was unavailable and suggested perhaps another time. He got angry at me and hung up on me. Then I texted him and suggested for half an hour and then he got angry again at me again and said that my priorities are not right??? Then when I suggested we meet in the evening, he said "ok" 2 days later he hasn't talked to me and when I reached out to him he said he was "disappointed" that I didn't drop everything for him and that I was so selfish that I suggested to see him in the evening.. He called me a bad person, a bad girlfriend and then said I didn't care about him. He also then sent me avideo of him out and out and said to me "I can have fun without you". We are both 30... I am shocked at his behaviour.
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Are you shocked enough to end it with him right after you've read this? Because you should be. 5
joseb Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 People are on their best behaviour for the first few months. If he's already telling you he has breakdowns (not to mention his manipulative behaviour) then I would use that as a clear indication to move on. 1
caveman621 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Do you want a lot of justification for the answer? Or just the answer? Which I think you already know. YES!!!! HE IS!!!!!! 2
preraph Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 He's an immature jerk who wants to come and go as he pleases but wants you standing by like his nursemaid. My guess is you have his mother to blame for him still being like this at 30. He's acting like a spoiled child -- and he's so convinced this is normal and right to him that he is NEVER going to change. He's just going to get old and bitter and mean. 1
Author kittyxo Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 I think I am more mad at myself for putting up with this kind of behaviour.. What do i do now? 1
1fish2fish Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Tell him this isn't working for you and delete, block, and remove him from your life. 2
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Are you kidding? You call him up, tell him to drop whatever he's doing and to come meet you someplace out in public. If he does, you tell him that you're done with him, and you never want to see him again. He'll probably want to know why. Tell him why. If he doesn't, tell him he's a bad person, a bad boyfriend and you never want to see him again. No explanations needed. Then block him from contacting you. Expect a few repercussions, I'm not sure what, but if they get serious, contact the police and tell them what's going on and maybe they could just go speak to him for you and explain that he needs to move on. That ought to do the trick. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 having to drop everything.....in my opinion.....is for extreme emergencies(life threatening) and of course that situation is different.....he shouldnt ask you to drop everything when he has a breakdown....its nto fair,to me that is selfish coming from him not you......i feel you shoudl have an open and honest talk to him abotu his expectations from you and about you are.....you need to have a semblance of a life as well that is just as important as his.....deb 1
basil67 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 On the positive side, you don't need to have a breakup discussion with him because he's already effectively done it. (It's not 'ghosting' if their last conversation involved things like this) Block him without a word and be grateful you dodged a bullet. 2
preraph Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Yep, just block him now and don't let him on your social media, phone, etc. and don't keep watching his.
Ami1uwant Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 amazing...... were the sexes reversed the responses would have been opposite. I dont know if this was an emergency or not. remember we arent hearing from him on what exactly this condition is. It may have been a real emergency that he needed help. that is something you would need to find out. The other problem here is an issue of caring and support and what level do you give your partner. Sometimes it can be one sided where one is more fragile and needs more support while the other doesnt need much at all.
mightycpa Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 amazing...... were the sexes reversed the responses would have been opposite. In fairness, not from me.
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 amazing...... were the sexes reversed the responses would have been opposite. I dont know if this was an emergency or not. remember we arent hearing from him on what exactly this condition is. It may have been a real emergency that he needed help. that is something you would need to find out. The other problem here is an issue of caring and support and what level do you give your partner. Sometimes it can be one sided where one is more fragile and needs more support while the other doesnt need much at all. Not me either.
act00 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Wow. I'm really floored at the video. That's just a smidge immature <sarcasm>. Did he advance beyond junior high emotionally? Really, he gets upset and pouts and wants "space," and then turns on a dime and wants you to drop everything. Then sends a na-na, I can have fun without you, video. Yikes! You absolutely should not tolerate any cruelty. He verbally attacked you and said some pretty ugly things. That should not be tolerated. Most people by 30 learn to refrain from being so outright nasty. You can't take back ugly things you say in a fit of anger. His anger is a bit over the top. I read the other response that it could have been a true emergency. I don't think you're necessarily in a place to manage emergencies with the length of time you've been going out, but these "breakdowns" happen frequently, and I don't think I would be up for signing up for this long-term. His overall behavior is not right and a bit unstable. I say it's time to cut the cord on this one. Outside of the "personal breakdowns," the verbal attack should have been the end-point, but that video...really??
basil67 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 (edited) amazing...... were the sexes reversed the responses would have been opposite. Nor me. Anyone who goes about telling their partner that they are a bad person needs to have the relationship ended. Edited May 23, 2017 by basil67
Author kittyxo Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 I called him today to ask if we could sit down and talk..he just ignored all my calls, told me to leave him alone and that he needed time to "recover". Am I missing something jere? Why is he making me out to be the bad guy? Did I honestly do anything wrong? I am feeling terrible because he is making me feel like I did something wrong in this situation... He also said everytime I reach out to him I make things worse?
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I would give him exactly what he's asking for and I would stop reaching out. He obviously doesn't want to talk to you now. But when he decides he does want to talk, I wouldn't be waiting to answer his call... Relationships shouldn't be this much drama. Moving on... 2
Author kittyxo Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 I know what the answer is I know I have to block and delete but why do I have a hard time accepting it? I really thought he was different from the bunch. When he isn't mad he was perfect to me. Something just happened over time that changed him... for the worst.
OatsAndHall Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I teach high school age kids and they shoot each other "revenge" videos and sh-t like that; not 30 year "adults". I have no idea why anyone would tolerate that behavior.. I've called it quits with woman for far less than that. 3
BaileyB Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Why do I have a hard time accepting it? When he isn't mad he was perfect to me. That's like saying "When he isn't drinking, he is such a great guy!" Or, "When he isn't yelling at me, we are perfect for each other!" Look, there are a lot of boxes that you need to tick to find a good, healthy relationship. Communicating with your partner in a respectful way is one of the first boxes, and this guy does not tick this box. Sorry, things don't always work out the way you want. You really need to try and make your peace with this, and move on. You deserve more than this. 3
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I know what the answer is I know I have to block and delete but why do I have a hard time accepting it? I really thought he was different from the bunch. When he isn't mad he was perfect to me. Something just happened over time that changed him... for the worst. He's a mental case. You don't need to have a conversation with him. He does not need to know why you are disappearing. He'll be a waste of your time with arguing with you every bit of it. Just do it! Every serial killers were described as 'nice' by their neighbors. 1
mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Time to move on. He's not a good guy and all of that behavior is evident of it. He likes putting down your self esteem and making you miserable.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I called him today to ask if we could sit down and talk..he just ignored all my calls, told me to leave him alone and that he needed time to "recover". Am I missing something jere? Why is he making me out to be the bad guy? Did I honestly do anything wrong? I am feeling terrible because he is making me feel like I did something wrong in this situation... He also said everytime I reach out to him I make things worse? When then you might as well make things over. In his mind you committed the ultimate sin -- you didn't put him first no matter how badly he was treating you. Your Q asked if he was a manipulator. I don't see that. I do see selfish & unreasonable. Still break up worthy sins but just not the sin you characterized it as.
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