Kitchen Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I feel bad about it because... For the first 4 dates we were only seeing each other. We even said to one another 'I'm not seeing anyone else right now'. I was under the impression I didn't t need to be worried. I chose not to go on other dates. We had an excellent connection and I had even slept over twice - albeit without sex, but there was heavy making out. Things between us were excellent and always have been. The night she went to this guys house she had been texting me all night so it's a little baffling she was with another guy at that time. But the main bothersome piece of all, is that this is the foundation of our relationship.. her going to some random guys house after 4 dates with me, with or maybe without sex, and then going on a date with a kiss. It makes me feel like I was just an option or something. I dunno. It just sucks! Yes, she's chosen me to be exclusive with.. but still. i feel like chopped liver I'm sorry dude. I know exactly how you feel. Also in my case, she went over to some dude's house for the "2nd date". I also know exactly what I was doing at the time and it sucks knowing that I felt exclusive while she was at a stranger's house. I ended it with her, she wanted me to stay and "be friends" or go out with me again. But no way in hell was I going to let the foundation of our relationship have this scar. There are better, more confident, women out there who don't need attention from multiple people at once. What's helped me is realizing she is just insecure and trashy. If she had any class, she wouldn't be showing up to someone's house like that. This makes me feel like I am better and deserve better. I hope she's miserable and regretful now. It's been 2 months NC but I still don't feel 100% myself. My advice - drop her like a rock, ghost her even. Don't give her another ounce of respect or explanation. She doesn't deserve it from you. It's the one thing I regret...we had a "civil happy ending", I wish I told her to **** off and never speak to her again. If someone makes you an option, don't make them a priority.
mightycpa Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I feel bad about it because... this is the foundation of our relationship.. her going to some random guys house after 4 dates with me, with or maybe without sex, and then going on a date with a kiss. It makes me feel like I was just an option or something. I dunno. It just sucks! Yes, she's chosen me to be exclusive with.. but still. i feel like chopped liverI get that it would be wonderful if one day, your eyes met and you were with each other and each other only until the end of time. That rarely happens. I think you just have to be practical. You were an option, don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise. Unless you've put a wedding ring on her finger since you last posted, she is merely an option for you too. It doesn't mean you'll marry her. Maybe you'll want that, maybe you won't. She's an option, just as you are, right now, and before too. You have the comfort of knowing that you were in a competition, you were not swayed to play any kind of games in order to win, so you won on your genuine and natural self. I fail to see how you can't be happy about that. You have some assurance that she's uncomfortable with secrets, and comfortable and mature enough to bring up difficult subjects and discuss them and ask for what she wants. Again, things could be a lot worse. You're what, 30 you said? Grow up. You're not in high school any more where you go steady before you find out if you really like somebody. This woman sincerely likes you, whatever you don't know, at least you know that. This means you've won. Try not to have such a hard time accepting YES.
mushroomlol Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I am really surprised to see all the different opinions here. In my mind, you guys are not exclusive. Imagine you are not that into her. Then you wouldn't care that much if she kissed or banged the other guys. Now you cared because either you really like her or you feel like it's unfair because you've been acting exclusively and not seeing other girls while she dated others. I think this is your own problem. First of all I don't know why she told you this. She might want exclusivity at this point or sensed that you are acting exclusively and she felt guilty and she doesn't want to lie. But then you never told her to be exclusive and you guys are not exclusive so I don't know why you are bothered. Dating is never a fair game. If you want fairness, better find someone else and set the expectations up front.
bluefeather Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Just slept over... so what was the intention of going over then, I wonder? And a 2 second kiss... Guess she had a stopwatch handy. Sounds like she slept with the guy and realized she didn't really like him. Then she felt guilty, so she told you part of the story. And now you're both "exclusive." What is that - boyfriend/girlfriend? Or is that some kind of sub-level before that point? Legit question, because I don't make agreements like that. With that said, I would agree with everything mightycpa has said to you in this thread, only with more emphasis on his initial post, saying you both should have just continued to keep it casual, and my additional idea that it sounds like she lied to you - that would have been my red flag. 1
hercules22 Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 doubt she only had a 2 second kiss and did nothing else. strange that she even told you about this not like u were in a committed relationship she could of simply said nothing and you would of never known and never feel different about her if it was me i wouldnt want to commit yet cause of what she said you will feel like she aint fully into you yet 1
hptalbot Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 You are feeling bad about this because its all kinds of fishy. Like I don't even know. She is definitely a game player though and I don't have time for that nonsense personally. The only reason I can think of for her to come out with that is to learn something about you from your reaction. She is building a profile for you and nothing good can come from that. She wants to have power over you by knowing more about you than you do about her. I would ghost her hard.
bluefeather Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 I would ghost her hard. Unless someone is harassing or being abusive, ghosting is a coward's way out.
hptalbot Posted May 24, 2017 Posted May 24, 2017 Unless someone is harassing or being abusive, ghosting is a coward's way out. I don't put up with mind games. That's called giving them a dose of their own medicine.
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