peboyle2 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now and we are very close. This is my first relationship and I have made some rookie mistakes in terms of asking about her sexual past. I found out awhile ago that when she has broken up with her previous boyfriend, she messed around with her guy best friend over a time of 3 weeks. No sex happened but there was basically everything but. This was just before we started dating but it overlapped with me by a couple days which annoys me. I find myself hating this kid and constantly getting mad when he is brought up and I don't know what to do. She says that she was upset and lonely, which I understand, and she was drunk the furthest they went, but I continue to find myself getting mad about it. I asked for all the details angrily to find something bad about him, which I did, but now knowing everything I have the visual of it. She has done everything Ive asked by distancing herself from him so this isn't a question about her, it is about me. She wants me to become friends with her so he can come around more so how can I prevent myself from getting mad about him? BTW I understand she has a sexual past because it made her into the girl I love today, but now knowing the information, I am uneasy and restless. How do I get over it?
harrybrown Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 (edited) It is not a good idea to have her past lover or lovers around. Your gut is telling you that it is not a good idea. Ask her if she would like it if a former lover of yours was around, would she like you spending time with her? Friends are one thing, but former lovers around is asking for trouble. If she wants to keep close to him, then offer to leave and it would save you some trouble down the road. Do not get married or further in the relationship with this unresolved. Good luck to you. How do you get over it? have her go NC with him. Edited May 22, 2017 by harrybrown edit 1
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 How solid are her boundaries with him now? Is he acting respectfully of your relationship? Her past is messy but she picked you over him to have a relationship. If upon the foundation of a long friendship, 3 weeks of messing around didn't lead to an LTR for them, something must not have clicked for at least one them. You can't in-ring this bell. You just have to find a way to live with it or break up with her. What else is there? Unless you can build a time machine, those are your only choices. 1
kendahke Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 How long has she known this friend of hers? Longer than 6 months? She may not give up that friendship completely for you. Asking you to meet him is an indication of that, no matter how much perceived space she's saying she's putting between the two of them. If she had truly cut him loose, she wouldn't be asking you to meet him. And if she wants to keep this friend, there isn't much you can do about it other than not be around him and figure out how to get a grip on you getting mad all the time because I take it dumping her is out of the question, being it's your first relationship and all... and FWIW--you don't need nor are entitled to all the details. All you need to know is if her health is clean. Period. You have all the information you need to make an informed decision with regards to ending things with her.
TheAntiHero Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Six months, eh? She doesn't sound trustworthy at all. She was feeling lonely one night so she justifies the cheating? Angel right there, haha. If I were you, I'd drop her. Clearly, she has plans down the road if she keeps this dude around.
kendahke Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Also, during this overlap time, were you two exclusive or not? If not, then it's not cheating. But you still need to dump her because her friend is going to be in the picture some way.
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