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Recently, Dumped by my first real GF of 2.5 years...HeartBroken

jparmyguy

By jparmyguy
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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jparmyguy Member

jparmyguy

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So I am a 20 year old male college student, I met my ex back in my senior year of high school during a drunken Halloween night.

 

Roughly a month later we had started to date and got know each other extremely well. We would laugh, go on cute dates, and do all those goofy things a person would only do when no one would look. A year down the road of our relationship things started getting somewhat serious we talked about future plans of having kids and getting married. We would spend days thinking of baby names and the place we would live. At one point we started attempting to come up with a plan of moving into our own apartment once we both finished high school.

 

Now with all this happy stuff going on, some **** started hitting the fan. I had developed issues with her family that involve stuff that I prefer not to mention.

 

At this same time of being a year in relationship I one day caught her looking up her ex on Facebook, and at the time I thought nothing of it. A few weeks down the road she was trying to get back with him and having some pretty intimate conversations.

 

I was heart broken when I saw the messages on her phone, we decided to break up with each other. Shortly after I forgave her and got back together with this girl because she meant the absolute world to me; however, our relationship never was the same.

 

I developed deep trust issues with this girl, as I would catch her lying time and time again. At times when I would get upset I found myself being mean to her as I felt like I was unable to communicate my feelings to her as she would call me crazy to her friends.

 

We pushed through this 6 month rough patch of being on and off. During this time I was in so much pain, but still felt happiness in my heart whenever I was with the girl. During the upcoming summer we went through another break up when her and I got into a fight about her dad(Guy does ****ed up stuff). Now this break up was not of our choice but her dads choice. The man had threated me multiple times and forced her to break up with me.

 

I was heartbroken yet again as I had missed her high school graduation because of this. Eventually, everything turned out to be fine and we managed to stay together.

 

Fast forward to a little bit before the present and we had in a way started to drift apart. After our cruise in January she started to come over my house less and less. Again, this upset me a bit but instead of getting mad I decided to use the time to reconnect with my friends and do stuff for myself.

 

Eventually, she got annoyed at the fact that I wouldn't go on dates with her anymore and I would stay home playing video games with friends instead and have her watch me play if she decided to come over.

 

Now a week ago from today, she dumped me for the stuff that I had previously mentioned. Basically, what had happened was she cancelled plans on me on a Friday and I was not going to see her for 3 weeks because she was going on vacation and I had finals to study for. So being mean I said stuff to her along lines of my "Vacation starts now don't call me until you get back from Florida". I tried to say it in a joking way expecting her to just text me the next day; however, that entire weekend she never did.

 

On Monday the day she dumped me, I was going through old tabs of my browsers I noticed in her fb search history that the kid from the first break up. So I freaked out even more since I was upset that I got canceled on and decided to call her saying do we need to take an actual short break from each other because I was scared of having to go through that first incident with her again. At this time my trust still was not perfect with her, but I had worked on it and trusted her a lot more than I did a year ago. Anyways, she agrees to it.

 

A few hours later my friend comes back from state school and he is telling me how she was sending nudes to this other kid a year ago. This was something I was never told; however, the pictures were nudes but cleavage shots of her asking this kid to come hang out with her at 1 in the morning. So naturally being on edge I freaked out more and called her back screaming and upset saying "what do you want to do break up with me or take a break or something". She then said "how about you go with your gut instinct and just dump me".

 

We went back and in forth for a good 10 min, eventually I said can we meet up in person so we can talk about it. She then told me "sure". 1 hour later she dumped me over text and at first I thought she is just mad and this is not really over. Later on that night I realized that she did just actually dump me for real.

 

I texted her the next morning begging for a second chance and asking if this was truly over for good. She then said to me " Yeah I think it is done for good", "I think this is for the best", and "Idk maybe, probably not". She briefly then blamed me for hanging out with my friends too much and not going on enough dates with her. She also yelled at me for believe my friends over her.

 

Eventually, she agreed to talk to me about the situation when she got back from her vacation. She said that it would be about maybe being friends and maybe a second chance however not any time soon.

 

During our previous break ups she never deleted anything about me or changed her profile pic on facebook of me and her. This time she got rid of all of it, so it makes me think that this time she is done with me and there is not another chance.

 

Also some of my friends who are her friends have been telling me what my ex says to them. Its been stuff along the lines "I am stuck I don't know what to do", " I want to go back with him, but I think its time to be single", " I don't think we will work and its best if we move on to other people".

 

Anyways, Its sunday now and I haven't heard anything new that she said since she left for Florida. Right now I feel heartbroken. Part of me wants to wait to talk to her in a few weeks to see if maybe we can work on our issues again to make things work and the other part my gut, tells me that this time there is no going back I need to start the process of moving on.

 

Regardless, despite our many problems in our relationship I want this girl back in my life. I planned my future out with her, and lost my virginity to this girl. Ever since I dated her I always told each other that we would be together and that no matter the fights we got into we would make things work because we were meant for each other.

 

All this week I have found myself to be very depressed about the situation even when I would go out with my friends. Last night my friends took me too a strip club in hopes of helping me move on. I found my self to be envisioning my ex with every naked girl that would walked by. It made me think about how she is going to be eventually getting with other guys and right now the pain of that thought is too hard bear.

 

Over this last week I cry about it every morning wishing that it was all dream. Just today, when my friend picked me up to go to a car show I broke down on the way home balling my eyes out in front of my friend. I felt like such a pussy for doing that.

 

Anyways, I am looking for any advice on how to move on and accept that this girl is no longer a part of my life because from the looks of it there is a very slim chance that she would be willing to take me back.

 

P.s

I understand that the end is partly if not mostly my fault.

This girl also seems to be taking the break up pretty well and seems to just feel bad for me, for whatever reason this makes me feel 10x worse about myself

Again, this was my first real relationship and the girl I lost my virginity too. I found sex to be sacred and special with her. Right now it seems as if no one else would compare

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs~T
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

So you're making a rookie mistake here, which is that your answer to having rough patches and now a break up is to ignore her while playing too many video games and not taking her on real dates and now, the stupidest of all, going to a strip club.

 

Trust me when I tell you, showing that you have the desire to do these things will drive her further away. Whoever your friends are who thought that would be a good thing, they're not really thinking of you. They just want you to go with them for their own selves.

 

If you get a second chance with her, I suggest you start dating her and treating her like she's special again and not like a used dishrag you can throw in the corner, and stop acting like you'd rather be with your x-box or at a strip club than to be with her. It sounds to me like you're doing all kinds of retaliatory crap.

 

Now, whatever your problem is with her dad that you don't want to talk about, I think that would be important to know. And that's always going to be a problem going forward, so that's the only serious problem I've seen on her end.

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jparmyguy Member

jparmyguy

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So you're making a rookie mistake here, which is that your answer to having rough patches and now a break up is to ignore her while playing too many video games and not taking her on real dates and now, the stupidest of all, going to a strip club.

 

Trust me when I tell you, showing that you have the desire to do these things will drive her further away. Whoever your friends are who thought that would be a good thing, they're not really thinking of you. They just want you to go with them for their own selves.

 

If you get a second chance with her, I suggest you start dating her and treating her like she's special again and not like a used dishrag you can throw in the corner, and stop acting like you'd rather be with your x-box or at a strip club than to be with her. It sounds to me like you're doing all kinds of retaliatory crap.

 

Now, whatever your problem is with her dad that you don't want to talk about, I think that would be important to know. And that's always going to be a problem going forward, so that's the only serious problem I've seen on her end.

 

Now she has no clue that i even went to a strip club this past weekend because when she dumped me she told me to leave her alone for a few weeks and to not contact her. Basically, she told me that she needs time to her self to think about what she is gonna do and to also refocus herself. One other thing that she had happened to mention to her friend is that the realtionship will never work out because of how i dont like her dad and refuse to go back in there house. Now all these things leave me with tons of questions about what bothered her ; however, i know it would be a terrible idea to start texting her

Rouik Member

Rouik

Posted
Posted

Sometimes things don't work out between to people, You can have all the feelings in the world for some one but if they don't return them the relationship is going to be very difficult. It sounds like you both need some time to find your selves, I cant tell you to do one thing or another but at the end of the day you have to take care of you. If that means pursuing this girl then go for it, take her on dates and show her the kind of man she would be leaving behind. If taking care of your self look more like being single for awhile to reconnect with friends and family then go that way. Good luck in whatever decision you make, and just remember that things can get better if you put the effort in.

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jparmyguy Member

jparmyguy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Sometimes things don't work out between to people, You can have all the feelings in the world for some one but if they don't return them the relationship is going to be very difficult. It sounds like you both need some time to find your selves, I cant tell you to do one thing or another but at the end of the day you have to take care of you. If that means pursuing this girl then go for it, take her on dates and show her the kind of man she would be leaving behind. If taking care of your self look more like being single for awhile to reconnect with friends and family then go that way. Good luck in whatever decision you make, and just remember that things can get better if you put the effort in.

 

I think that as much as I want pursue this girl it seems like it would be a bad idea and cause a lot pain getting rejected. I have been talking about this with multiple people over and over again. As of today I decided to move on from it and to not talk to her when she gets back. I know that in person when I see her I will ask for a second chance and my feelings will be up to 100 percent. I think its best if I do not talk to her and just let her come to me if she decides that she wants to attempt to make it work.

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jparmyguy Member

jparmyguy

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Update:

Recently, after breaking down in the morning I recently tried to reach out to her on Facebook(Unblocked). After sending her a message she decided to block me back without responding.(It was a stupid idea)

 

Later on that day, I had a job interview and noticed a text message from her number. She said to me that she needs time to think about things and that I have to stop talking to her friends about me.( They are also my friends, but were her friends first and one of my friends is dating hers so I see her on weekends all the time.)

 

I realized, recently one of her friends was repeating some of the stuff I said to her( The friend dating my friend). This friend also mentioned that I was talking to her other friend. Now because of this the other friend told me that I had to stop talking to her about it, because even though we are close and I helped her out when she was going through tough times, her loyalty still remains to my ex.

 

Now I am not sure why her friend decided to repeat the stuff I was saying and I guess she also let her read the whole convo between us before my ex left for Florida. In the past these two have had multiple fights over me. My ex did not like that her and I would hang out alone when we first started dating. A few months back ago she got jealous when the friend took a Instagram video of me doing stupid stuff. I was with the friend and her boyfriend(my friend) at the time. Anyways, they got into a huge fight and stopped talking.

 

Up until our breakup she always told me how she hated her and did not want me ever around her unless she was present. This makes me wonder if the friend is trying to make sure that we don't ever get back together.

 

Moving on I recently spoke to her mom about it, and was trying to figure out whether my ex was done for good or still kicking around the idea of us trying again. Basically, she told me that she still loves me, but just does not want to think about it right now and that she still wants time to process everything.

 

I had mention to her mom that I was thinking about giving up at attempting to make it work because I did not want to go through the process of another "break up" (Basically, her talking to me in person saying yeah we are done for good). Her mom told me not give up yet on her and to just wait. She and along with a couple other people think that she going to come right back, where as I do not believe so.

 

Regardless, my emotions are on a rollercoaster ride right now. Some days I am able to tell myself that yeah this is done for good and its time to start moving on. Other days, people tell me what she says and give me this hope that when she is ready to talk again, there will be another chance were I can make things right.

 

I have no clue what to do or how to feel right now because it seems like it can go anyways. I don't want to find myself starting my break up from scratch, but if there is the chance that it may work out, I don't want to pass up that opportunity

Edited by jparmyguy
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