YoungAndGreen Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Hello, I didn't find a thread about introducing ourselves, so I'm writing here directly. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, maybe 2-2,5... At least from my side, I have been faithful for 3 years, needing only him to satisfy my needs. 1,5 years ago we moved in together in the city I was living back then, with a male friend of ours with his financial help. We pay rent equally (most of the time my boyfriend had paid for my part of the rent because of reasons I will soon mention). I am still at university, graduating atm, the first 2 years of which I was depending on my parents for survival cash. I was a ****ty girlfriend (most probably still am) because I had trouble starting work. I haven't yet told him about the humiliation I had experienced on my very first day at work,the reason for which being the way I looked without makeup... Long story short, after my sorry attempts to find a job had failed, he did all he could to take me work with him. For the past year, I'm still wotking there almost with pleasure. He is a level or two above me, which on the other hand makes his type of work a rape fir the mind. That makes him lose his mind for small issues, making our arguments all the way beyond what it should look like. Main problem: I am jealous. He stares at women all the time. I've seen him doing weird things with his neck for just another glimpse of short-skirted yummy ass that has wiggled around before getting off the train/bus. The sight of this has made me want to physically throw up. I never stare at guys, I see a pretty face, for a second if I want to, but never have the need to tripple check and check and stare and even smile (once while arguing he told me he has been smiling at the ones that stare or smile because he's polite...). B******t. I am also jealous because of girls/women falling for him because of his charm and handsomeness... Been jealous of him because of the way he can socialize a dialogue without even talking about sex. I have confronted him his attitude and his ogling without any constructive result. Maybe i'm being paranoid but that's why I'm here. Also main problem: I am depressed and because of this a crappy girlfriend. I have one ex (at least a "serious" one with whome I've had sex with) and no experience in neither living on my own nor living with boyfriend. I was a really bad housewife at the beginning, doing just the what I really really had to do for quite a while. He made it clear (through arguments) that he is not the one who will put up with this. Counting the fact that I have exams to go to and to study for, I was working and doing both our shares of chores, his part of which he gave twice for those 1,5yrs. Ok, now I'm working full time, passing my final exams somehow, doing the bare minimum of cleaning at home (our roommate is not the best at it, either...). Secondary problem: I am not the gentlest of girlfriends (but he's not he is also not the gentleman he for a while claimed to be). He says I don't respect him, value and support him enough, I'm not arguing, I haven't been taught anything about etiquette, respect or common sense. Another thing is I hardly express my love as I feel threatened by all the other women who like him, because I've seen the way he looks at pretty things. I don't feel like I'm enough for him, not beautiful enough, not feminine enough, etc, even though I know some men like me, and I feel his mood change drastically when he encounters one of those. But I still feel jealous for what not. It really hurts. I want to trust him. I want to feel confident that he is fully satisfied with what he has, even proud. He can pour compliments all over me but most of them are about my body and how perfect it is, the colour of my eyes, the way I walk... But never calls me beautiful. As I think about it, I just don't remember that. If it has happened it should have been long ago. Our arguments have escalated from a bearable to him calling me names. The story has repeated itself so many times that I don't need to cry after each time anymore. I am highly sensitive. He sees himself as an alpha male. I can't really be myself with him (don't know if I can blame him for this). As I mentioned above, I feel some kind of apathy and depression, so I also don't take the best care of myself,not talking about hygiene but appearance and skin (but I don't go out without little makeup). Mostly because of my jealously we are on the edge of breaking up. We have plans for the future, with discussable differences but we don't look like a couple anymore. He told me he feels he has to be left alone but he also told me he loves me and doesn't want to leave all this. Not once or twice, several months have past and I AM changing for the better, I just need help to see the view of a third perspective, because I am so messed up that I don't know what is bad and good anymore. Should I let him be? Am I the bad guy? I am open for criticism and questions. I'm sorry for the long post and for possible grammar mistakes. Not native. Kind regards, Just a girl with mental issues
stillafool Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 How old are you guys? It is wrong for your bf to check out other girls in your presence. Not cool at all. It is also wrong for you to be a crappy gf being depressed, in a bad mood all the time and hard on him. How long do you think this is going to last before he breaks up with you and starts seeing one of those other girls?
Author YoungAndGreen Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 If he wants them I don't have a place around him. I should move on anyway.Depression and anxiety are not something I should hide from him. My mood reflects his most of the times, other times it's my fault. Not something i can't change, but is it that important?
stillafool Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 What are you doing about your depression and anxiety? Are you under a doctor's care and on meds? It is important to address your mental issues because it's no fun being around someone who is depressed and anxious all the time. Tell you bf to stop looking at other girls in your presence. My goodness if he looks at girls when he's with you what does he do when you aren't around?
Inya Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 I am highly sensitive. He sees himself as an alpha male. I can't really be myself with him (don't know if I can blame him for this). As I mentioned above, I feel some kind of apathy and depression, so I also don't take the best care of myself,not talking about hygiene but appearance and skin (but I don't go out without little makeup). What's the point then if you can't be yourself with him? No matter the reason or whose blame it is. I'm sure someone is out there for you to make you feel comfortable and you will bring out the best in each other.
Author YoungAndGreen Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 I don't want to take meds because I see the effect of them on my mother for instance. I am feeling a whole lot better than I was before with the help of meditation. We have talked about the issue with ogling women, but hr gets all angry and defensive. Actually, I can see a slight difference from the last few days. I will try and be a better girlfriend, I may be the main reason he's like this.
Author YoungAndGreen Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 What's the point then if you can't be yourself with him? No matter the reason or whose blame it is. I'm sure someone is out there for you to make you feel comfortable and you will bring out the best in each other. Because I've never been in this stage of a relationship and can't compare. That's why I think it's my fault - lack of experience in both relationships and communication. I can be myself around my best friend but we know each other since kindergarten, haha.
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 You are not your mother. There are hundreds of meds and combinations of meds and you shouldn't hold onto a distrust of them when you need help. My guess is she didn't take them as instructed or report issues to the doctor when she should. Did you know that 80 percent of patients to not take their meds as the doctor told them to??? And then they complain they did this or that or didn't work. Don't be closed minded about that. Meds have helped a whole lot of people but it's up to the patient to report adverse reactions and work with the doctor to try different things. Everyone is different. What works for one person will not work for another. Stop making excuses and do something about fixing your life.
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