How do I face the world after my EX treated me so bad?

[Lovehel]

My ex of 6 years while on holiday in Italy where he is originally from rang me on the 2nd week and told me after talking to his friends that I was right about his mother being a bully towards me for 5 years and how he is not going to put up with it anymore, I remember thinking to myself, why are you only coming to your senses now when I have told you repeatedly for 5 years. He promised me things would change when he was back, and saw a future with me, I had hope. On the third week he rang me, told me he was moving back to Italy for good and it is up to me if I want to come but he is going either way, he was telling me all the benefits, trying to convince me. The conflict of his changing thoughts baffled me.

 

I had no desire to see him, after what he had said over the phone. I knew that if I wasn't happy and all smiles when I saw him, it would turn into a big fight.

 

I texted him that couples discuss these things together, and come to these life changing decisions together, not on their own, and telling their partner over a phone, I am not a dog, who just follows, I am human being.

 

He goes, I am done with you.

I didn't take it seriously, said whatever.

He goes, Good luck with your small life you small person.

 

That was 3 months ago, he never got in contact again to apologize or anything, he seems happy to not have me in my life, which shocks me after all I have done and been there for him through everything.

 

My perception of his behavior was he wanted to get rid of me, and just discarded me like yesterdays rubbish cause I didn't fit into his plans.

 

The counselor I recently started seeing told me, that when he texted back I am done with you, that was in response to my text, where I had stood up for myself, so technically I caused the breakup. I recently blocked him on facebook as I couldn't stand the fact after 3 months he never contacted me once to even apologize and how he moved on to seeing another girl here a few weeks later, he has not moved to Italy. I feel lied to and betrayed by the person I went through so much for.

 

Why on the 2nd week there did he give me hope for us and then crush it all a week later on the phone? I feel so distrustful towards people and I have gone into a shell of my former self, I have become scared of people and life after been burnt so basly. Counselling isn't helping too much.

 

Can someone make any sense of this, and also advice would be great?

[Arieswoman]

lovehel,

I am puzzled by this.

 

If he is your "ex" why were you even talking to him?

[Lovehel]

because I had met him before he went away and we said we would try give it a shot when he is back

[Arieswoman]

Lovehel,

Obviously he changed his mind.

 

This guy is a class 1 prize @hole. I know you can do better than this, and I don't even know you

 

Stop thinking about him and start thinking about you. Stick with the counselling.

 

I don't think this as the first time he had been nasty, is it? So what you need to discuss with your counsellor is why you put up with his cr@p before.

 

Good luck. x

[Maldives]

My ex of 6 years while on holiday in Italy where he is originally from rang me on the 2nd week and told me after talking to his friends that I was right about his mother being a bully towards me for 5 years and how he is not going to put up with it anymore, I remember thinking to myself, why are you only coming to your senses now when I have told you repeatedly for 5 years. He promised me things would change when he was back, and saw a future with me, I had hope. On the third week he rang me, told me he was moving back to Italy for good and it is up to me if I want to come but he is going either way, he was telling me all the benefits, trying to convince me. The conflict of his changing thoughts baffled me.

 

I had no desire to see him, after what he had said over the phone. I knew that if I wasn't happy and all smiles when I saw him, it would turn into a big fight.

 

I texted him that couples discuss these things together, and come to these life changing decisions together, not on their own, and telling their partner over a phone, I am not a dog, who just follows, I am human being.

 

He goes, I am done with you.

I didn't take it seriously, said whatever.

He goes, Good luck with your small life you small person.

 

That was 3 months ago, he never got in contact again to apologize or anything, he seems happy to not have me in my life, which shocks me after all I have done and been there for him through everything.

 

My perception of his behavior was he wanted to get rid of me, and just discarded me like yesterdays rubbish cause I didn't fit into his plans.

 

The counselor I recently started seeing told me, that when he texted back I am done with you, that was in response to my text, where I had stood up for myself, so technically I caused the breakup. I recently blocked him on facebook as I couldn't stand the fact after 3 months he never contacted me once to even apologize and how he moved on to seeing another girl here a few weeks later, he has not moved to Italy. I feel lied to and betrayed by the person I went through so much for.

 

Why on the 2nd week there did he give me hope for us and then crush it all a week later on the phone? I feel so distrustful towards people and I have gone into a shell of my former self, I have become scared of people and life after been burnt so basly. Counselling isn't helping too much.

 

Can someone make any sense of this, and also advice would be great?

 

 

The councillor is right sweetie. I've had that exact dialogue wth my ex but it was only a threat to make my ex change her mind but If I didn't here from my ex by about a mths time I'd usually call and initiate contact and apologize. It's pretty immature but alot of men react like this to try and get there way. Altho 3 mths is quiet long im not sure what's going on there and then he's wth someone else. Hes effectively burned all bridges in the relationship by doing that

[preraph]

To me, the problem is he isn't willing to do anything to make the relationship work but says you are welcome to join him and take him as he is, which is NEVER a good foundation for a marriage and family. Both people need to be willing to work on it and compromise. You are right, you are not a dog.

 

If your counselor told you that you disagreeing was what caused it, I'd ask them to clarify.

[spiderowl]

Sorry this happened OP. If he really wanted you, he would be with you. You did not cause the break-up, you only stood up for yourself. He caused it by making life-changing decisions which affected you without consulting with you. I don't know why your counsellor said that, they don't seem to have a clue.

 

There are two reasons I can think of why he may have given you an uncaring response:

 

1) he was hoping you'd go along with whatever he decided and when you didn't he felt hurt

2) he is uncaring.

 

I think it is most likely the latter.

 

A guy who cares about you would consult with you. It is just about possible there is a cultural difference here and that men in Italy make decisions for their wives but that does not sound a good situation to move into.

 

I am sorry he behaved like this. You were right to stand up for yourself. You showed self-respect and dignity. The guy is just not up to your standard. His behaviour is no reflection on you. Men and women leave good men and women every day. Their motives can sometimes be crazy. It does not mean the people they leave are any less or unlovable in some way. It might mean they picked the wrong partner.

Edited May 21, 2017 by spiderowl

[Popsicle]

He sounds all over the place and like he doesn't know what he wants. He sounds a lot like my last BF. Just let him go and figure himself out and not drag you through a thousand up's and down's while he goes through it. Don't you want someone stable who has life figured out a little bit more? I know I do.

[Lovehel]

@Goodguy05 Hi, I was very hurt by what he said. I do have social anxiety but to throw it in my face that my life is not upto his standard was harsh. I was extremely raw and couldn't get myself together, I have messed up college this semester as a result. If he had apologized up to a month later and said something like he had no idea what came over him, and was genuinely sorry, I would have considered it. The fact it has been 3 months, and I am more than definite he has been intimate with someone else, or is with someone else, makes me not even consider responding to him if he was to contact. He has lost me for good really, but the sad part is I don't think he cares one bit, when I genuinely loved him and went through so much hardship for him.

[Lovehel]

@spiderowl. Hi, thanks for response. He is definitely uncaring. It felt the right thing to stand up for myself, and stand my ground. I didn't think it was right that he could just decide my future for me. When I didn't want to meet him for 2 days when he came back from his holiday, I remember he took it really badly saying how uncaring I was towards him, it was always about him my feelings were always irrelevant, looking back.

 

I never thought me standing my ground, would cause him to leave me for good, I thought he would eventually come around and see my side of the situation and deal with things properly. As hard and lonely as it has been these past few months, maybe it is for the best? I don't know if it will ever stop hurting that the person I loved and did so much for, for 6 years, left me so easily, and never contacted me again though.