throwaway account1 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Me and my girlfriend have been dated for little more than a year now, and were friends prior to this relationship. One thing that I have been noticing over the last few months was my sexual attraction for her has been decreasing. I am in high school but I can only see my future with her. Yes, I know many of the people reading this would think I am very young and should not worry about this, that we should just break up, that i am only in high school. Please put these bias' aside. Everything else in the relationship is going well, I love her so much and I want to be with her. I love her presence and love everything she does for me. I love doing things for her, and yes a good amount of the time I am attracted to her sexually but, there is also a very good amount of time i am not and may be fantasizing/thinking about other women. I don't want to leave her, ever, I see my whole life with her and only her, I can't imagine being without her. She has given me a promise ring and I have given her one. We are madly in love and I don't know what to do to fix this problem, i can't leave her but I want to be more sexually attracted to her. Help me please.
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I think what you are experiencing is the end of the "infatuation" stage of the relationship. This is to be expected, that the relationship will mature and you will not feel the rush of attraction and excitement that you felt when you first started dating. I have friends who dated in high school, married, and are happily raising their families. I have other friends who dated in high school, married and had a family, but have since divorced because they felt that they "missed their opportunity to be young, to have fun, and date other people." I do believe that you can meet your life partner in high school. However, I think you are far too young to think that you will spend the rest of your life with this girl. You have absolutely no idea what the future will bring for you, how the two of you will grow and develop as people, and whether you will stay together or separate. Be careful - this is the time in your life when you should be discovering who you are as an individual person, going to school, having fun with friends, and developing relationships. 5
mightycpa Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Me and my girlfriend have been dated for little more than a year now, and were friends prior to this relationship. One thing that I have been noticing over the last few months was my sexual attraction for her has been decreasing. I am in high school but I can only see my future with her. Yes, I know many of the people reading this would think I am very young and should not worry about this, that we should just break up, that i am only in high school. Please put these bias' aside. Everything else in the relationship is going well, I love her so much and I want to be with her. I love her presence and love everything she does for me. I love doing things for her, and yes a good amount of the time I am attracted to her sexually but, there is also a very good amount of time i am not and may be fantasizing/thinking about other women. I don't want to leave her, ever, I see my whole life with her and only her, I can't imagine being without her. She has given me a promise ring and I have given her one. We are madly in love and I don't know what to do to fix this problem, i can't leave her but I want to be more sexually attracted to her. Help me please.There are two things you need to know. One, you cannot control whether you love her or you don't. Two, you cannot control your level of sexual attraction for her either. You don't have to break up... why would you? It's just that the sex will be kinda vanilla. But one day, either you will or she will breakup and that problem is going to take care of itself. So my advice would be to simply enjoy her now, while you still know her. No need to rush any decisions right now. 4
darkmoon Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 if you are forever, on the way to that is the ageing process, you need to think about how you will love her in middle age, hers and yours, different kind of love than now, more to do with trust and good convos
joseb Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Yes, I know many of the people reading this would think I am very young and should not worry about this, that we should just break up, that i am only in high school. Please put these bias' aside. Well I think you are young and should use this time in your life to.have fun, meet different girls, see what type you are best with. It's not a "bias", it comes from life experience, and one of my very few regrets in life (maybe my only one) is that I got into a long term relationship way too young (and im talking colleague, not high school). 4
Gaeta Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 It's normal when you start dating someone you want to jump all over each other at every moment and it's normal for that feeling to settle down after a while. 5
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Its likely not going to get better... If you have these feelings now, perhaps you can close your eyes and envision yourself 10+ years from now, working long, hard days, trying to pay your bills, while she looks even less appealing to you than now, you jerking off to porn every night, because that ship sailed years ago, well....then continue on...That script has been written a million times.. TFY 1
Bastile Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I wonder whether this ltr is effecting your schoolwork, choice of further education, choice of career, etc. I suggest that you prioritize these things.
mortensorchid Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I agree with the above posters. Since you said you were in high school I am guessing this is your first LTR. You were in the infatuation stage and that stage is wearing off. You are now in the actual relationship stage when you are not as excited about certain things (mostly having to do with sexual attraction). If you do love her and want to stay with her, remember this is how it is. And if you break up and move onto someone else at some point, this will happen again with that next person no matter what the circumstance.
Popsicle Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 It's normal when you start dating someone you want to jump all over each other at every moment and it's normal for that feeling to settle down after a while. This is true, but with that said, you are too young to be settling into that yet. 3
jjgitties Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 OP. you are very young. I envy you and wish I was your age. you can't use terms like "promise ring" and "forever" at your stage in life. You need to first figure out what you want for yourself out of your life. It takes time. You can't put yourself on hold just because you met a girl whom you shared a promise ring. you will change. she will change. only time will tell if you both change in the same direction. 2
Mumbles Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 So my advice would be to simply enjoy her now, while you still know her. No need to rush any decisions right now. This is actually a good one liner advice for life in general in my opinion. Don't overly plan out your life, not to the nth degree. You don't know the future, no-one does. Enjoy life now, and the people who surround you _now_, fully and completely. One important note to this is: throw your passion and love into your life, don't hold back at all - but understand that life is constantly evolving, whether you are 16, 60 or 80, there is constant change.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 . And if you break up and move onto someone else at some point, this will happen again with that next person no matter what the circumstance. Not entirely true... I know couples who have been married for decades and still have strong sexual attraction for one another...Heck, I even know people that have divorced, but it was never about loss of sexual attraction... While Ill agree it does happen, I don't think necessarily saying it will happen is correct... Let's give the guy some hope!! TFFY 1
smackie9 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 Dear all you are doing is fighting against the current. I agree with the other posters you can't control how you feel about someone. Fantasizing about other girls is perfectly normal, especially a hormone driven teenage boy. It's typical to have that insatiable appetite for other girls. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THIS. Your brains are still developing, and you will change how you perceive things, like your priorities, goals, what you are attracted to, what is important, etc....it will all be different in as little as a couple of years. It's quite possible you two will not be together. Maybe you not ending it, but she might want to move on. There are no guarantees in life. 3
Author throwaway account1 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 to everyone who has been replying to what I previously said, First off, I really appreciate everyone sticking their necks out for me and giving me all this great advice. Personally I liked all of it. It's very hard to imagine a life without this girl, I love her, I know I do. She is my everything, what I wake up to, what gets me through the day and I need her. But at the same time, I also see a life where, I am in college and I am talking to my best (guy) friend about how I slept with some girl, and being able to just do whatever I want and experience other women. It's just when I think about this I always think that the good majorly outweighs the bad but I find myself constantly lusting after other girls. More thoughts anyone?
Mumbles Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 It's just when I think about this I always think that the good majorly outweighs the bad but I find myself constantly lusting after other girls. More thoughts anyone? Perfectly normal, as everyone has said. Lusting never really goes away Its fine for what it is. But don't feel pressured to act in a certain way because your friends do - this is probably one of the most important things. You are still working out who you are .. .as an adult .. keep true to yourself and your own nature. I didn't even lose my V until I was 19 ... some of my friends had been around the block and back by then, some were even married. Its all fine. Lusting is one thing, action is another. If you are completely in love with your girlfriend then enjoy that experience, fully and completely. You may marry her, in the fullness of time, and live a long and loving life together - only the future can tell.
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