SadDancer Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) Hi all I posted a while back about a guy I had met twice, it was casual but we had long and intense meets with lots of talking in between (not just sex but catching up). He then went away for several months travelling but we kept in touch the whole time. I matched his efforts and we usually spoke once a week. He got back and we arranged to meet, I had the most amazing time. We didn't just have sex, we talked deep and intimate conversations, we cooked together and played doing handstands and just being silly. I really felt connected and as he left he told me he wanted to see me again. We provisionally arranged he would visit me (we are long distance). We talked for a few days mainly initiated by him then he dropped off the grid for a few days so I messaged him. Then 2 days after that I asked him if he knew if he could come as I was getting busy, all true. He said he wasn't sure due to a house move. We spoke again a week later and he was soo sweet, but I just knew that the hot and cold was a bad sign. I've really fallen for him and it was driving me mad. I sent him a message explaining that I loved spending time with him and would like to do it more, but that I knew this was a casual arrangement and so that might not be what he wants. I said if not I understand but I could not be sexually active with more than one person at a time and I wished him every success and said if there is space in his life to get to know me I would like that but if not I understood. He sent me a lovely message explaining that he was in a place where he needed to get things done before he could decide to pursue a relationship, but said would I keep in touch as he would really love to look at it again when he is in the right place. I of course said I'd love to keep up to date and hear his news but couldn't do that as I would wait and hope and then I won't meet someone that would want to get to know me, and that I'd love it more than anything if he contacted me when he got to that place and if I am still around. He said he understood and that I was awesome, he told me I only deserved the very best and only date amazing people. I sent one last message to sort of explain, it wasn't long. I just said it'd take a while before I was ready but I thanked him for everything and said I'm sorry I couldn;t keep in touch and that was that. That was only 3 days ago but I'm so sad. I've cried every day since. He's been looking at my stories on instagram (I've not done anything rash and my posts are normal and just my usual self) I've stayed well away from his as it's torture but I know he's been out with friends and having a whale of a time from what I can't avoid), I don't know why and I know I shouldn't read into his looking at my things but I can't help it. My mind is in overdrive, this evening it's so beautiful out and the sun is shining and I'm crying again. I have to move on but I'm not ready. I want to leave the door open because he really is nice and I believe he is telling the truth, but this is ridiculous. It's hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not ready to be here but I am. Please help me be strong Can anyone offer advice? Its crazy to hope he will come back but here I am, hoping! And I am not even on his mind xx Edited May 21, 2017 by SadDancer
preraph Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Are you a lot younger than him? Also, are you sure he's single? 1
Author SadDancer Posted May 21, 2017 Author Posted May 21, 2017 Actually I am 2 years older. I've been in a very LTR with my high school sweetheart, since we broke up this is the first person I have met I can see myself with. Maybe that's why it is so bad.
Ronnys93 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Well it's nice that he said what he said, but as you know he's also "leaving the door open" on his end and you already are conscious that it's just not fair to you. What I would advise you to do is to do what i'm doing with my ex. I'm still in contact with my ex, but only when he reaches out to me for the most part. I have an understanding that nothing can progress our relationship unless HE wants to do so, because it is him who didn't want to pursue further at the time. So likewise here, you've set that expectation. So while I'm not actively dating, I'm just allowing myself to be open to new dating opportunities. My ex may come around some day, but you know, I can't wait for him, and you know that you can't wait on this guy either. It's okay to cry and mourn the idea of not being able to pursue a relationship with this guy, but it's more so about being open to the possibility of other people and slowly trying new things here. Don't be discouraged and take it one day at a time. If he comes back to you and you're single? Give it a try! If he comes back to you, and you're not single? Too bad, maybe next time. If he doesn't come back at all? No problem, you'll find somebody better. It's about having the faith to BELIEVE that you will continue on no matter what. 1
Author SadDancer Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 Oh thank you! I know... he said lovely things. I feel so crushed though. And I feel like I like him so much! And foolish for being this sad I've cried every day. I just keep hoping he will reach out. He's my guy, I'm just maybe not his girl 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 How are apart are you? He might have just come to the conclusion that a LDR relationship isn't feasible and he isn't motivated to keep it going.
Ronnys93 Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 How are apart are you? He might have just come to the conclusion that a LDR relationship isn't feasible and he isn't motivated to keep it going. This may be partly the issue as well.
Author SadDancer Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 About 2 hours. Although I'm actually moving to his city in 9 months, which he knows. But he didn't say that, he said it wasn't the right time. I do know though that he views relationships as hard work. He had a very very bad time with an ex and although it was 2 years ago I think he's decided we are all the same The sad thing is there's nothing I can do about it. I think I just have to accept the hand I was dealt. If there was a way I could reach out I would. I'd take those chances, but I think he has to come to me And the chances are so tiny!
Author SadDancer Posted May 23, 2017 Author Posted May 23, 2017 So after 4 days of me being a ghost, today he sent me snapchats. Snaps that from the preview I can tell were also in his main story. When we were talking whilst he was travelling we spoke once a week then online interactions in between I suppose, likes etc. It's been 4 days, I haven't watched a single snap, SM post, Insta story. He's watched all my stories and today snapped me. I couldn't have been clearer in my messages. I quote 'I'd really love to hear from you if things ever change and I am still around'. I didn't respond. It's the first time I have ever not replied to him Man it hurts though. you have to fight every urge because you want to feel close to them again just for a second. But I know if I respond I say I'm OK with him dropping in like that, when I of course want him, but all of him. I really don't understand what he was thinking But if anything that will certainly put the nail in the coffin.
preraph Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Oh thank you! I know... he said lovely things. I feel so crushed though. And I feel like I like him so much! And foolish for being this sad I've cried every day. I just keep hoping he will reach out. He's my guy, I'm just maybe not his girl Just remember when you keep holding onto the emotion that you like him so much, to read how he's made you feel in this post right up there^. Someone who loves you and who merits you returning the love doesn't make you miserable. Don't get in a hurry to try to replace your high school sweetheart and please know that high school relationships are very different from grown up ones. Less innocent. He let you down easy, he thinks. I'm sorry it's hurting you so much. Hopes dashed always hurts because it's back down to earth. 2
Author SadDancer Posted May 25, 2017 Author Posted May 25, 2017 Yes. Let me down easy :'( I just don't understand why he's watching all my stories, snapchatted me and now he liked my Instagram post. I've gone NC. At best it means he's thinking of me, at worst it's cruel because he knows how I feel so these reach outs hurt I've only not replied because I can't! What could I possibly say? I'm unable to respond and I just ache in my body. I miss him so much. Surely you would stay away from someone you'd had to let down. I would because I know it would hurt them x 1
Ronnys93 Posted May 25, 2017 Posted May 25, 2017 About 2 hours. Although I'm actually moving to his city in 9 months, which he knows. But he didn't say that, he said it wasn't the right time. I do know though that he views relationships as hard work. He had a very very bad time with an ex and although it was 2 years ago I think he's decided we are all the same The sad thing is there's nothing I can do about it. I think I just have to accept the hand I was dealt. If there was a way I could reach out I would. I'd take those chances, but I think he has to come to me And the chances are so tiny! Sounds like he's emotionally unavailable. Relationships do require effort, but it sounds like his ex has tarnished his view of the relationship stuff quite a bit and that's going to take some time to go away. I wouldn't hold any bet to him coming back especially because he seems so hesitant with YOU. Always remember that if someone really wants to be with you they will try to make a way. It's his turn.
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