seeingthisguy Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I've been dating this guy for about 4 months now, and everything has been awesome. We really hit it off on our first date, and we've seen eachother almost every day since. Things have gotten serious, we've said "I love you" etc etc, and we're pretty much living together. That said, recently he's been having a hard time finding work, and it's making him super moody and hard to get through to. The other day out of the blue, he tells me he's not sure he's feeling connected to me, and that he wishes "it was there, but it's not." He told me he loved me, but he wasn't sure he was "in love". There were some tears, and I asked him to leave. For some reason, he said he wanted to stay and make sure I was okay. Naturally I said no, and to go home. The whole thing didn't feel right. The next day, I asked him if I could pop by to talk, and he said "please do". I got to his house and he was a mess. He'd been crying all night, slept on his couch, and when we started talking he goes: "I don't want to break up with you, I made a mistake. I love you, I'm just going through some stuff..." That said, we're together again and he's been trying really hard to make it up to me - but I can't shake what he said out of my head re: not being "in love" or connected. Did he not mean it? Was he just having a classic guy freak out over commitment? Is not working making him nuts (lol)? Not sure what to do with all of this :/
smackie9 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 The feeling of helplessness is overriding all his other emotions that's why he's confused. Losing a job and not finding work is a huge blow to a man's ego, and he doesn't know how to cope. But I'm just guessing here. Another possibility, and I'm just speaking from experience, he may have stepped over the line and has been talking to another girl, or messes up one night being out with his buddies. When people are under a lot of stress like losing a job, they can do stupid stuff and make poor choices. If I were you I would investigate this further......
Redhead14 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I usually tell people who are experiencing a stressful event(s), not to make significant decisions about other aspects of their lives while under duress . . . That being said, make sure you give him support when HE asks for it and give him a little space . . . don't pull on him in any way. Sit back and observe without putting any pressure on him. Now is the time for you to demonstrate a little unselfishness. If, however, he is using all this as an excuse to pull away from you for extended periods of time and often, I would let him know how that makes you feel and see if he can maintain some empathy at least and not be completely absorbed in himself and his problems.
Gaeta Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 It sounds as this relationship started really fast and intense and now reality is setting in. The reality is love will not put bread and butter on his table. Saying I love you to someone is a big commitment for some. I don't know how far in did you exchange ILY but if it's under 3 months than it wasn't love, it was infatuation, again reality is settling in and he reliazes ILY is a big thing and he said it too fase. You cannot do anything but to give it time. I would say give it another 3 months and see how that unfolds. You don't know each other, maybe he's the kind of man that goes back and forth on his feelings all the time. Just take time to get to know each other before jumping in anything!
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I agree with Gaetta. Your relationship progressed really quickly and what you feel for each other is probably more infatuation, than love, at this point. You are still getting to know each other and you really need to remember that. Give it a few more months to see how things progress... But, keep this in the back of your mind. You have seen how he copes with stress and it wasn't a good or rational response. Just keep your eyes open and see how things go... 1
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