I dumped her for someone else. Then I got dumped. Conflicted feelings.

[Kjrrg]

Two months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of almost 11 years because I started seeing a married woman whom I thought was going to eventually leave her H for me. This did not pan out and you can see the wreckage on the Other Man/Woman forum if you wish. But this isn't about that.

 

My LTR girlfriend and I had an "agreement" that either of us could sleep with other people if we wanted to. I brought this up about 7 years ago, because she has no libido. So obviously she would probably not be utilizing this agreement. Before we broke up we had sex maybe twice in two years. At first I thought I could handle sex without strings with someone else, but I truly fell, or thought I was falling for the married woman. I never persued another woman during the agreement until her.

 

My ex and I are still very good friends despite this. We hang out often. I help her out with things. And I know if I wanted to, at some point, we could get back together. And since the MW left me three weeks ago, I have been thinking about it.

 

But why? I honestly don't know. First of all I know it is ****ed up to go crawling back just because I got dumped. But should I because it is the right thing to do? Because I made a mistake that I am not realizing until now? Or did this thing with the MW happen for a reason? Ex and I never fought, we were both very loving toward each other as a couple should be -- minus the sex. We were just in a rut for a host of other reasons, and when I left I thought I was doing the right thing.

 

Now I don't know what the hell to do. I know it's too early to consider seeing anyone, and the fact is if the MW came back to me I would go back to her in a second. She is still all that is on my mind. Which tells me I shouldn't be getting back together with my ex. But I AM scared of being alone. So there is one selfish reason. I AM scared that I sacricifed what a relationship should be because of my penis. There is the guilt. I miss what ex and I had but at the same time, despite the heartbreak I am experiencing over the MW, I want to go back out there and see what else is available...someday. I want to feel the spark again that I did with the MW, and I am not sure I will ever experience it again with my ex despite caring for her deeply. And the "spark" I had with my ex does not compare to what I had with the MW.

 

Is that how it's supposed to be? You get with someone and eventually just become best friends at the sake of romance? Or should I go exploring elsewhere when I am ready? I know I am a piece of ****. I am really trying to not be anymore.

[basil67]

You're in this whole mess because your ex didn't meet your needs. Don't go back to something which wasn't working for you in the first place.

[Popsicle]

Yeah, you need to move on. Don't go back to your ex or the MW. Find someone new!

[Kjrrg]

I just feel like it will be so hard. MW came on to ME like no one had ever done before. And i still feel so guilty about my ex...I know it would thrill her if I went back. I don't know about me. Maybe...?

[metrognome]

If you don't know for sure then definitely don't go there. Not fair on the ex who could be using the time to find somebody who is sure. And you could be using the time to find somebody you're sure about!

[Kjrrg]

While I do see myself in the future probably getting back out there, the idea right now of being with someone else almost makes me sick.

[mightycpa]

The fact that somebody gives you attention is no reason to fall head over heels in love with them.

 

Door #3, whatever that is.

[bluefeather]

Everyone here pretty much answered you spot on. I wish it was so simple that all posters here would give solid advice like in this thread and the OP would go, "Got it, thanks," then proceed to follow the advice, and then the thread could be closed. Not hating on you, Kjrrg. I'm still routing for you. But it's not a good idea to go backwards. You left for a reason. The girl who dumped you just showed you that the reason was obtainable. Now obtain it in someone who is single. But first, work on yourself.

[GeekLover]

Now I don't know what the hell to do. I know it's too early to consider seeing anyone, and the fact is if the MW came back to me I would go back to her in a second. She is still all that is on my mind. Which tells me I shouldn't be getting back together with my ex. But I AM scared of being alone. So there is one selfish reason. I AM scared that I sacricifed what a relationship should be because of my penis. There is the guilt. I miss what ex and I had but at the same time, despite the heartbreak I am experiencing over the MW, I want to go back out there and see what else is available...someday. I want to feel the spark again that I did with the MW, and I am not sure I will ever experience it again with my ex despite caring for her deeply. And the "spark" I had with my ex does not compare to what I had with the MW.

 

This statement alone tells me exactly what I think you should do...

[Kjrrg]

You are all right. This thread can be closed. I just need to be alone for a long while.