palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 We dated for a month. Things were amazing, then she abruptly cut it off. She told me what happened and left the door open to communication but I did not contact her again. It was civil and cordial. Three months later, she messages me saying she was thinking about one of our amazing dates. We are sort of catching up right now, but the question is: Is she interested in seeing me again, and should I propose meeting? Honestly I think she knows I took the breakup pretty hard, and seemed to think I didn't want to hear from here at first after she contacted me. I have said that I'm glad to hear from her and we are talking like the good old days. Light, joking, etc.
Author palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 She basically said she was no longer attracted. She has struggled to connect with men for a long time after several traumatic events. She broke down and told me everything everything and I believe it. Trust issues to sum it up.
Author palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 Is it too soon? She just contacted me earlier today.
coolheadal Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Is it too soon? She just contacted me earlier today. You have to understand your dealing with mental disorder and she's can't coupe with any man in her life. But you can see where this all goes. Don't get to close to her emotionally, otherwise you'll get your feelings hurt. This is one unpredictable at best. I had one come back to me and say she needs my help got back together just to learn she was cold and distant with me. Could never get her to say anything romantic about us. Just watch it with her? But yeah you have to ask her what she really wants and what's she been up too? We can't answer that one only she can. Report back you answer?
Author palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 (edited) She regrets texting me now because it got my hopes up. What did she expect when she brought up our second date walking down the beach... I don't know if it's me or her but it's like she just can't see how significant she was to me. Now I get to deal with all of these feelings over again. I feel like I should tell her that we should have no further contact. I can't deal with seeing/thinking of her any other way than romantically. Edited May 20, 2017 by palmsand
coolheadal Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 She regrets texting me now because it got my hopes up. What did she expect when she brought up our second date walking down the beach... I don't know if it's me or her but it's like she just can't see how significant she was to me. Now I get to deal with all of these feelings over again. I feel like I should tell her that we should have no further contact. I can't deal with seeing/thinking of her any other way than romantically. See what's happens now. That's why I say you tell her no thanks I can do better than you. Of course that sounds harsh but you have to say that because she'll still contact you again if you don't stop her. You do not want to get hurt again. Trust me why do you tolerate her dysfunctional behavior patterns. Never going to end as well as you once hope. Run away while you still can!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 She basically said she was no longer attracted. She has struggled to connect with men for a long time after several traumatic events. She broke down and told me everything everything and I believe it. Trust issues to sum it up. She was no longer attracted to you. So, she was at one point and after a month simply didn't see a positive development of that attraction. Her explanation may or may not be legit, none of us know, including you. All you know is that she LOST attraction and ended it. She continued to date others (likely) and they didn't work out. Or she couldn't find anyone else. You go NC for 3-months and she suddenly rears her head. Where was she during the 3-months? Not a peep. She was dating someone else and looking to make you a footnote in your life. My take. She regrets texting me now because it got my hopes up. What did she expect when she brought up our second date walking down the beach... I don't know if it's me or her but it's like she just can't see how significant she was to me. Now I get to deal with all of these feelings over again. I feel like I should tell her that we should have no further contact. I can't deal with seeing/thinking of her any other way than romantically. Resume the NC. Whether this a legitimate attempt to rekindle something or her seeking your attention, the goal is to get past her. If she does have some emotional reason for her behavior, you will have to deal with it again or it will exhibit itself in some other manner. You don't deserve that.
Author palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 I will resume NC. Honestly I was mostly over her before today. But nothing has gone anywhere with other people since her and I don't know if I'll ever be over her until I am distracted by someone new. I don't know if I can bear to block her.
act00 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 You dated for only a month before she broke it off. The first month is usually all rainbows and unicorns. It's hot, it's fun, and it isn't long-term reality. You got a dose of the reality. Her behavior and her past are the reality, and if this relationship progressed, you would be in one hell of a miserable one, as you try to maneuver around her emotions and ping-ponging back and forth over what she wants. It hurts the most because all you got were the good parts. That is what is making this split harder. Now she has contacted you out of the blue. She also embraces the good parts. Then she did a turnaround, fast, and said it was a mistake to contact you. She's putting you on an emotional roller coaster, and you're not even dating. This is not intentional on her part, but it's putting you through hell. Be grateful she had the common sense to cut ties and not suck you into a relationship...even though she's doing this back and forth thing by contacting you now. You need to realize this girl doesn't know what she wants. She seems broken. She needs to fix herself before she can have a relationship, and she can't expect her guy to fix her or fill in the holes and put up with this back and forth emotional roller coaster. I see blocking as a nuclear response, but in your case, maybe you do need to block in order to avoid her wishy-washy back and forth, so you can move on. Her contacting you is messing with you. She's just not stable, and she's going to string you along and take you down with her. If you don't have the strength to ignore her texts and attempts to contact her, and her contact is going to put you in this downward spiral, you need to take that measure. Personally, I think you should just get mad at her. Really mad. She wants all the good parts and then runs off because she doesn't want to fix herself. She's batting you around like a play toy. Get mad. 1
Author palmsand Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 I am mad. I want to go off on her. I want to make her feel as bad as I do. I want to ask her how she possibly thought she wasn't leading me on by bringing up good times. But that seems so juvenile. It's my problem that I'm not over her and haven't met someone else.
act00 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I am mad. I want to go off on her. I want to make her feel as bad as I do. I want to ask her how she possibly thought she wasn't leading me on by bringing up good times. But that seems so juvenile. It's my problem that I'm not over her and haven't met someone else. Nope. You get mad by yourself and with your friends, and in a healthy way, no trash-talk, but don't go off on her; go no contact with her. It will accomplish nothing to go off on her, but it create ill-will; you don't want to be an ass towards her, and you don't want to string out a non-relationship with all this crap and garbage. You can tell her that you enjoyed your time together (you did) and she needs to work on her personal issues..."Don't contact me again."
mightycpa Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 She basically said she was no longer attracted. That never gets any better. If you trust anything, trust that.
Marc878 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I will resume NC. Honestly I was mostly over her before today. But nothing has gone anywhere with other people since her and I don't know if I'll ever be over her until I am distracted by someone new. I don't know if I can bear to block her. Then accept your self inflicted limbo. What is not blocking her getting you? A sliver of hope?
firestar Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 We dated for a month. Things were amazing, then she abruptly cut it off. She told me what happened and left the door open to communication but I did not contact her again. It was civil and cordial. Three months later, she messages me saying she was thinking about one of our amazing dates. We are sort of catching up right now, but the question is: Is she interested in seeing me again, and should I propose meeting? Honestly I think she knows I took the breakup pretty hard, and seemed to think I didn't want to hear from here at first after she contacted me. I have said that I'm glad to hear from her and we are talking like the good old days. Light, joking, etc. It is important to get something clear--does she have trust issues with men or is she genuinely not attracted to you? Those are two very different things and it's important to clarify which one it is. You can have trust issues with men and still be attracted to a man. But if she is not attracted to you you're headed towards a dead end (unless you don't mind that your girlfriend doesn't actually want to make love to you). If you know for sure that she has trust issues but is still physically and emotionally attracted to you, you can decide if putting your heart on the line is worth it (she make break up and hurt you again). But if she is not sexually attracted to you I would make a beeline for the door and not look back because a life condemned to someone who isn't attracted to you and is just "setting" for whatever reason may cause you even more pain later on!
Author palmsand Posted May 21, 2017 Author Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) If I block her, her number is still in my phone, and I could potentially contact her in the future. If I delete her number, she isn't blocked so she could still contact me. I just want it to be done. Over. No possible way of contacting each other ever again. She is dragging me through the coals foe the third time now. The first time was shortly before we split. I waited hopefully for 3 months for her to contact me and now that 'my dreams have come true' it's just worse. For what it's worth, I sort of told her how mentioning the day at the beach gave me hope and told her why I'm not over her. As in nothing has worked out with the dozen or more people I have seen since. I didn't want her to feel terrible and tried to portray it as my problem that I have never had a successful relationship. Nevertheless, she feels terrible but won't stop responding. I almost wish she would block me. What hurts more than anything is that for her to mention the beach, easily the best day of my life ever, and not consider what it meant to me means that in her own mind she must have completely shut out the romantic meaning. It was meaningless in her mind. I feel like I was played a fool every second I have known her because there WAS meaning. Not just then but every time I saw her. It was beautiful. And for her to nullify all of that is..... words can't explain how terrible it feels Edited May 21, 2017 by palmsand
Author palmsand Posted May 21, 2017 Author Posted May 21, 2017 Nope. You get mad by yourself and with your friends, and in a healthy way, no trash-talk, but don't go off on her; go no contact with her. It will accomplish nothing to go off on her, but it create ill-will; you don't want to be an ass towards her, and you don't want to string out a non-relationship with all this crap and garbage. You can tell her that you enjoyed your time together (you did) and she needs to work on her personal issues..."Don't contact me again." I don't want to be an ass. That's not me. She has always said I'm 'nice'. The last thing she said before NC was 'thank you, for being nice'. Especially compared to all the guys she dated that turned into stalkers and perverts. But maybe I'm too nice. I just take ***** and never speak my mind. I want to speak my mind and not call her names but make sure she knows how much she hurt me. I feel like that's the only condolence I can get from this situation.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 (edited) OP, she is likely contacting you because whatever guy she's been seeing in the interim didn't work out and she knows you're a trusty source of attention. Think about it: she is surrounded by stalkers and perverts? Probably not. She is the common denominator and she sounds like a drama queen. You're too nice, and she knows it. It's not a good thing, because it keeps you stuck and drives you to justify keeping sh*tty people in your life. Don't block or delete her if you don't want to, but don't be surprised that your healing is taking so long if you won't help yourself. The other thing to keep in mind is that she isn't going to care very much that she hurt you. Sad but true. She isn't invested and didn't see anything wrong with contacting you to reminisce about a date, which suggests her sympathy chip is lacking. Thus, it will largely be a waste of your time trying to make her see how much pain you're in. If anything, it will probably have the opposite effect of stroking her ego - she'll see that you are still into her even though you've been apart longer than you were ever together. Edited May 21, 2017 by ExpatInItaly
Marc878 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 If I block her, her number is still in my phone, and I could potentially contact her in the future. If I delete her number, she isn't blocked so she could still contact me. I just want it to be done. Over. No possible way of contacting each other ever again. She is dragging me through the coals foe the third time now. The first time was shortly before we split. I waited hopefully for 3 months for her to contact me and now that 'my dreams have come true' it's just worse. For what it's worth, I sort of told her how mentioning the day at the beach gave me hope and told her why I'm not over her. As in nothing has worked out with the dozen or more people I have seen since. I didn't want her to feel terrible and tried to portray it as my problem that I have never had a successful relationship. Nevertheless, she feels terrible but won't stop responding. I almost wish she would block me. What hurts more than anything is that for her to mention the beach, easily the best day of my life ever, and not consider what it meant to me means that in her own mind she must have completely shut out the romantic meaning. It was meaningless in her mind. I feel like I was played a fool every second I have known her because there WAS meaning. Not just then but every time I saw her. It was beautiful. And for her to nullify all of that is..... words can't explain how terrible it feels You control your phone not her. Only dated a month and she dumped you because there's no attraction. You're keeping yourself in limbo for nothing. Fix your problem. This isn't about her.
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