Silveresque Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 I'm 19 and living at home for the summer. My parents, although from a conservative background, don't really care if I have sex or go to chicks' houses or whatever. However, it's sort of a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. They don't want to hear about it, and they don't want me to bring anyone home (unless it's to meet them specifically in an established relationship). While I understand and respect that, it does beg the question of how I'm supposed to set up situations where it's natural to physically escalate because I can no longer invite anyone to "Netflix and chill". If her place is off-limits too, then the car is pretty much the only option. I'm meeting up for coffee with this girl that I met online tomorrow. From her profile and how she answered various questions, she's the type who's typically willing to take things quickly and has sex within the first couple of dates. Because I'm not driving her but instead we're driving ourselves and meeting up and I can't bring her back anyway, the only thing that can potentially happen is making out in the car. But how does one initiate that? I have next to no experience, so that doesn't make it easier. What I've done in the past is chill, have coffee, then take her for a walk outside, hold hands, sit down on a bench somewhere, put my arm around her, and then kiss. That's as far as it went last time, but I'm thinking I could try to replicate this sequence and if she's receptive to it and it goes well, ask her after that if she wants to come back to my car (to cuddle, make out, etc). Sorry if I'm making this sound very mechanical and I know it's supposed to all happen naturally, but there seems to be an unspoken perception that the guys are responsible for escalating and it's tough when you're logistically restricted like this. Once you have a regular thing going, I imagine it's much easier to just plan out with the other person how and where you're going to have sex, etc, so it's easier to coordinate things like car sex, but the problem is, that's not quite an option in the very early stages where there's an expectation that everything happens smoothly and without explicitly saying anything. I know I'm not the only one in this situation. Naturally, almost everyone is home for the summer, so I'm asking how you guys deal with this. I barely dated in high school, so I'm not familiar with how it works in this kind of situation.
act00 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 If you want the goodies, get a motel room...you pay...discuss her willingness to do this first. Don't expect car sex or public sex ever. If you want it, make it happen in an environment conducive to it. Rent a room or work on moving out of the parent's home, even if you have to have roommates, and work with reasonable roommate rules when it comes to bringing home strangers. Or find a girl whose parents don't care if she's ****ing dudes in her room. Accept blueballs as a way of life until you can provide an environment conducive to sex. Work on moving out of the nest so you have that freedom.
Grey40 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 1) you don't have to rush things so quickly. Why do you feel the need to do so? 2) don't ask a woman to go in your car to cuddle or have sex it would be incredibly creepy and uncomfortable for them. I have made out with women numerous times in my car and even escalated past that, but alchohol was always involved. And it only happened once on a first date. You're going for coffee during the day, very few women will do that and risk being seen or caught. Why don't you just convince your parents to let yOu have a girl over? I'm sure theyd be fine with it. In fact they'll probably be happy for you. It's much harder for the girl to get her parents to ok that than for s guy
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 I suspect you will have to learn patience & restraint. You could try taking her on a picnic. You can lay down together on the blanket but outdoor sex has it's own risks. You can suggest you go back to her place. Don't try to get your parents to be OK with you bringing her home. Their house / their rules. Plus a self respecting woman won't want to have sex with you while your parents are in the living room 2
mortensorchid Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 I think you're being far too hasty with this situation. You're just assuming you're going to like this woman upon a first encounter enough that you'll have sex with her an hour or so later? True, there are those out there who are doing just that depending on what websites/apps you're on to meet people with, but that's a bit crazy. Assuming you're going to have an actual relationship with her. You don't even know her last name, do you? But if you do get to that point, nothing wrong with springing for a hotel room somewhere if you don't want to bring her home to your parents' house.
Kamille Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Does she like camping? Heat things up on your next date and see if you can suggest it. Ps: make sure you bring a camping mattress.
Author Silveresque Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 1) you don't have to rush things so quickly. Why do you feel the need to do so? Well the thing is, with this girl I'm really only looking for something casual most likely, and based on her responses to questions on her profile, she seems to be the kind to take things quickly. She answered that she likes having sex within 1-2 dates, and she has even had sex one hour after meeting someone. 2) don't ask a woman to go in your car to cuddle or have sex it would be incredibly creepy and uncomfortable for them. I have made out with women numerous times in my car and even escalated past that, but alchohol was always involved. And it only happened once on a first date. You're going for coffee during the day, very few women will do that and risk being seen or caught. This is what I was thinking. This sort of thing is probably more likely to happen once something has sort of been established (even if it's an FWB) and more down the line. Why don't you just convince your parents to let yOu have a girl over? I'm sure theyd be fine with it. In fact they'll probably be happy for you. It's much harder for the girl to get her parents to ok that than for s guy I wish I could, and maybe now they would. I haven't had this conversation with them in a couple of years now. But they're the prudish type, so I still think it's kind of unlikely that this would work. Maybe her place will be an option, but if it's not, public or car sex is the only option left available. This is of course all speculation, and relies on something actually happening between us. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Author Silveresque Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 I think you're being far too hasty with this situation. You're just assuming you're going to like this woman upon a first encounter enough that you'll have sex with her an hour or so later? True, there are those out there who are doing just that depending on what websites/apps you're on to meet people with, but that's a bit crazy. Assuming you're going to have an actual relationship with her. You don't even know her last name, do you? But if you do get to that point, nothing wrong with springing for a hotel room somewhere if you don't want to bring her home to your parents' house. It's because I know I'm probably just looking for something casual or fling-like with her, and her the same. And she seems to be the one to take things quickly (as mentioned in my previous post).
Grey40 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 (edited) Well the thing is, with this girl I'm really only looking for something casual most likely, and based on her responses to questions on her profile, she seems to be the kind to take things quickly. She answered that she likes having sex within 1-2 dates, and she has even had sex one hour after meeting someone. This is what I was thinking. This sort of thing is probably more likely to happen once something has sort of been established (even if it's an FWB) and more down the line. I wish I could, and maybe now they would. I haven't had this conversation with them in a couple of years now. But they're the prudish type, so I still think it's kind of unlikely that this would work. Maybe her place will be an option, but if it's not, public or car sex is the only option left available. This is of course all speculation, and relies on something actually happening between us. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. A woman that admits to having sex that quickly I would be VERY cautious, that's a serious red flag. Are you sure this person is real and not a catfish/scammer? Be careful because even women who are on apps to hookup and have sex don't come out and say it like that. See if you can find her social media profiles. And you're 19 it's time to start letting your parents know they no longer control you to that limit. Have the conversation with them and just be honest about it. Tell them you're goIng to be safe about it and you're at the age where they need to accept that sex happens. You can smoke cigs, you can vote and you can joIn the army, you can certainly have sex when you see fit honestly what are they going to do about it? Ground you? Get real Edited May 20, 2017 by Grey40 1
Author Silveresque Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 (edited) If you want the goodies, get a motel room...you pay...discuss her willingness to do this first. Don't expect car sex or public sex ever. If you want it, make it happen in an environment conducive to it. Rent a room or work on moving out of the parent's home, even if you have to have roommates, and work with reasonable roommate rules when it comes to bringing home strangers. Or find a girl whose parents don't care if she's ****ing dudes in her room. Accept blueballs as a way of life until you can provide an environment conducive to sex. Work on moving out of the nest so you have that freedom. Probably won't be the case year-round until I'm done with college. I do plan to start living in an apartment, but that will be as a substitute for living in the dorms while school is in session. I mean most people are home for the summer as well, and I don't imagine they're depriving themselves of sex. That'd be absurd. I don't have experience with this, so that's why I was asking what is typically done to circumvent this issue. Edited May 20, 2017 by Silveresque
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 you can certainly have sex when you see fit honestly what are they going to do about it? Ground you? Get real It's his parents house. They have every right to set rules about who can enter their home & how the person behaves while there. The OPs parents are conservative & don't want him having sex in their home. He needs to respect that. The parents never forbid him from having sex. They simply prefer not to have their noses rubbed in it & they don't want him to bring some ONS into their home. Silveresque -- respect the sanctity of your parents' home. By all means revisit the issue if you like but if your parents say no, don't bring some girl home for sex.
Grey40 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 (edited) It's his parents house. They have every right to set rules about who can enter their home & how the person behaves while there. The OPs parents are conservative & don't want him having sex in their home. He needs to respect that. The parents never forbid him from having sex. They simply prefer not to have their noses rubbed in it & they don't want him to bring some ONS into their home. Silveresque -- respect the sanctity of your parents' home. By all means revisit the issue if you like but if your parents say no, don't bring some girl home for sex. I'm just telling him to have an open conversation with them about it. They might have changed their minds or be more receptive to it now. Plus, they want him to respect their home, but they aren't respecting his choices/decisions either. I still think getting a motel/hotel room is just skeevy way to go imo. At that point you might as well just get a hooker or something. The idea is to not pay money for sex. So either talk to your parents about it or just wait until college. There's plenty of stuff online to keep yourself occupied in the meantime Edited May 20, 2017 by Grey40
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 I suggest getting a job, and moving into your own place with a roommate. When you have money, you have freedom. Or find a buddy that is living on his own and doesn't mind you borrowing the sofa once in awhile...pay him with beer for his trouble. 1
act00 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 you can certainly have sex when you see fit honestly what are they going to do about it? Ground you? Get real It is their home, their rules. Ground him? How about kick him out? The answer is no. If the OP wants the freedom of sex he can get a job and get an apartment, and have a roommate to help ends meet, or he can rent a hotel room for his trysts, or see how well public car sex works. Maybe this girl who is open to sex immediately, and possibly also lives at home, knows some good places for public sex. Or find girls that have their own apartment, even if there are roommates. There's no way in hell sex or co-sleeping happens in my mother's house without a wedding ring, even if the couple is living together. They are in separate bedrooms when staying overnight at mom's. Not happening. Her rules. We can get a hotel room together or sleep for free, separately.
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