mg101 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I've been checking exs social media as well as his potential new girl incessantly. Looking at the likes, comments etc. Comparing myself. To some degree i keep hoping over exposure may help but doubt it. He called me on Tuesday and i haven't responded. I won't. But I'm still social media stalking. The easy answer is just stop it. I can't seem to. Some words please. Its been a year and I'm sick of him in my headspace. I'm going to look into therapy next week.
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 After a year? Oh dear. Yes therapy would be a good idea. When I first got social media I looked up my EX just to see. It was novel. I looked. I closed the browser & never went back. Perhaps not the most mature thing I ever did but it was once not repeatedly. You are preventing yourself from moving on -- picking at the emotional scab. Stop. Be nicer to yourself. 3
Author mg101 Posted May 19, 2017 Author Posted May 19, 2017 After a year? Oh dear. Yes therapy would be a good idea. When I first got social media I looked up my EX just to see. It was novel. I looked. I closed the browser & never went back. Perhaps not the most mature thing I ever did but it was once not repeatedly. You are preventing yourself from moving on -- picking at the emotional scab. Stop. Be nicer to yourself. I was doing better but agreed to see him last month. Plus we're pretty much in touch past 6 months. Told me he loves me and all that jazz but its bs. Now I'm back stalking.
Shikes Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I do it to. We need help! Do you feel physically sick, I do 1
Zahara Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I was doing better but agreed to see him last month. Plus we're pretty much in touch past 6 months. Told me he loves me and all that jazz but its bs. Now I'm back stalking. Yes, it would be best for you to see someone. This has gone on for far too long. He's always been a douchebag but your insistence to continue to seek validation from him is indicative of how you view yourself. There's no magic pill or words to stop you from stalking. You have to want it for yourself because you desire self-preservation. A want to prioritize your emotional and mental health because you care more for you than for anyone else. Time to work on your self-esteem and understanding how loving yourself is very important. 3
Blanco Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I've said it once, but I'll repeat it as many times as needed: People shouldn't go looking for things that would hurt if they found them. 3
GeekLover Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 You definitely are not alone. I guarantee there are many people on here who do this. Heck, I've fallen off the wagon lately and need to get back on it. I was obsessed for the first 4 months. Then I went a month without checking, as well setting everything to private or disappearing completely from any social media I know he's on (and where blocking him doesn't do anything-such as Twitter or Pinterest). I've remained a ghost on any social media he could potentially see, but I had a moment of weakness after a month and checked on him. Then I went another 3 weeks, and checked again. For the past week I've been awful and have been checking like crazy...like I used to months ago. I know it's not helping me move forward, but it also doesn't hurt me like it used to. In fact, I kind of have a bit of a giggle over him now, so that's a good sign that I'm slowly healing. However, I know I need to get back on the horse and stop checking again. It DEFINITELY made a HUGE difference in my healing. I really don't feel like I started to make any progress until I started staying clear of social media. I would really encourage you to give it a try for awhile. Take it a week at a time. 3
penelopeanne Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 GeekLover totally! i was doing pretty well not being on social media. soon after the break up i deactivated fb for a bit and then more recently i took it all off my phone so i wasnt on instagram for a bit- but started obsessing with last weekend up until yesterday. i noticed a huge difference when i go on and esp if i creep. my anxiety goes up and the obsessive thinking gets worse. so tough! 1
Shikes Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Can i get in on this. My ex is seeing a successful women with breast implants and he made an email address for me to vent to because he knew how emotinally messed up i was and made it clear he does not see a future with me yet i keep emailing him. It makes me feel worse.
Gillys Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Have you tried deactivating your social media accounts until you feel a little stronger to not stalk? A trick I used to keep myself from stalking was to convince myself that my ex and her new guy could see when I looked at their profile pages and were prob having a good laugh every time I checked. I didn't want to give someone who dumped me that satisfaction so it helped motivate myself a little more not to peek....before I deactivated all together 2
Altair0770 Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Why do you people stalk social media? SOCIAL MEDIA IS A LIE I could be extremely depressed and type "life is good". But after awhile when they forget about you, it's going to sting when they truly do move on and become much happier. It's simple - ask yourself a question. Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be stuck in the past? 2
Arieswoman Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 mg101, I had a look for my exH and "her" when social media first came out. He didn't have an account but she did. It was very gratifying to see what a catalogue of disasters had befallen them. I could look with just curiosity because years had elapsed, I certainly couldn't have done it just after a break up, it would have torn me apart. My advice is that you make a deal with yourself that you won't look for 5 years. After 5 years have elapsed you will find that either you don't want to look or that you can look with detachment. And by that time life events will have overtaken them, they may not be together, or they might have been run over by a Mack truck but you just won't care. In the short term I think some therapy will help you deal with this. Good luck x 3
Maldives Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 I've been checking exs social media as well as his potential new girl incessantly. Looking at the likes, comments etc. Comparing myself. To some degree i keep hoping over exposure may help but doubt it. He called me on Tuesday and i haven't responded. I won't. But I'm still social media stalking. The easy answer is just stop it. I can't seem to. Some words please. Its been a year and I'm sick of him in my headspace. I'm going to look into therapy next week. I'm the same...wish I had an easy answer for u but I don't. It's been 8 mths in my case. I know wth time it'll become less and less...only time can do it in my opinion and experience. This sitem has enlightened me...I use to only think men hurt but woman do as well just as much but grieve differently to us...I feel u man i really do. Just know wth time it'll become less and less. Love can really suck
Maldives Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 mg101, I had a look for my exH and "her" when social media first came out. He didn't have an account but she did. It was very gratifying to see what a catalogue of disasters had befallen them. I could look with just curiosity because years had elapsed, I certainly couldn't have done it just after a break up, it would have torn me apart. My advice is that you make a deal with yourself that you won't look for 5 years. After 5 years have elapsed you will find that either you don't want to look or that you can look with detachment. And by that time life events will have overtaken them, they may not be together, or they might have been run over by a Mack truck but you just won't care. In the short term I think some therapy will help you deal with this. Good luck x Best advice I've seen yet on this site love it funny too 1
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