Jack420 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Hello everyone, I'll keep this short; I'm struggling in a relationship with a girl, the thing is that she could be my gf, we go out but the problem is that I don't entertain her in terms of my talking abilities. I am not shy and neither is she. When we converse its going smooth but when it stops its just awkward. Example, we go out and its often silent, like nobody has nothing to say and its driving me crazy because we could go to the next level but I'm blowing it. What can I do here?
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Comfortable silences are good things. You don't always have to be "on" for a relationship to work. If you can't just be with someone, if you feel that you have to entertain them, that is actually a bad sign. Do an internet search for topics of conversation if you want to keep things moving along. Be open to discussing the subjects you raise. Some suggestions include: current events favorites -- food, movies, places to visit pets goals upcoming movies you'd like to see or recent ones you have seen hobbies bucket list trips or last / next vacation how you came to be in your profession / what's your major?
preraph Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Are you texting in between seeing each other? If so, tell her you want to stop doing that except to arrange a date, because could be you've both talked until there's nothing else to discuss without it being repetitious. But yes, sometimes you just hit the wall with someone or end up one or the other having to do all the "work" conversing, and that's not good chemistry.
Titanll Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Bring a hand puppet next date. When the convo fades, bring out the puppet. Don't knock until you try it. 2
MountainGirl111 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 Try asking her some good questions...either about herself or about her world or just about the world in general. Maybe you just need to figure out how to get HER talking....open a door....some people like to talk about themselves...some don't....for the ones who don't naturally lack for words(like myself)....those are the types that probably need to learn to be better listeners and better question askers....and for the ones who are not big talkers...maybe they just need some encouragement to develop that aspect....so think of some GOOD questions and see what happens. Good luck!!
Author Jack420 Posted May 19, 2017 Author Posted May 19, 2017 @d0nnivain We actually know each other for a year now, I know a lot about her and we've gone over all kinds of topics by now. I've done a lot of internet research too. @preraph We used to text a lot before but it got kinda annoying and now we text like once a week and even that is mainly because we're arranging times if we'd go out. @MountainGirl111 Firstly thank you for encouraging words. She is a talker for example and has a good sense of humour. However, this is going to come out weird but she actually doesn't respond very well to "big" questions. For example I asked her once, "What would you buy with 10 million€?" and her initial response was "I don't think about such things, its a bad dream it will never happen". >Her mindset is different and to this day I still get surprized by the way she's thinking, she's lazy, likes sleeping a lot, dislikes school, dislikes romance, doesn't wear makeup to dates or school and I could go on. What do you suggest I do here?
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 @d0nnivain We actually know each other for a year now, I know a lot about her and we've gone over all kinds of topics by now. I've done a lot of internet research too. >Her mindset is different and to this day I still get surprized by the way she's thinking, she's lazy, likes sleeping a lot, dislikes school, dislikes romance, doesn't wear makeup to dates or school and I could go on. What do you suggest I do here? If you have known each other for a while I don't understand why the conversation doesn't flow & why you think you need to entertain her. The silences should be comfortable ones. Plus if you think she's lazy why do you like her? 1
MountainGirl111 Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 @MountainGirl111 Firstly thank you for encouraging words. She is a talker for example and has a good sense of humour. However, this is going to come out weird but she actually doesn't respond very well to "big" questions. For example I asked her once, "What would you buy with 10 million€?" and her initial response was "I don't think about such things, its a bad dream it will never happen". >Her mindset is different and to this day I still get surprized by the way she's thinking, she's lazy, likes sleeping a lot, dislikes school, dislikes romance, doesn't wear makeup to dates or school and I could go on. What do you suggest I do here? Dang. Excuse me for saying this but she sounds like a wet blanket thrown over a fire spark. Does she like ANYTHING?! Does she enjoy anything? What are her redeeming qualities. Does she not realize it's okay to have discussions about hypothetical questions/scenarios? She doesn't sound very imaginative, so I guess I can see why conversation might run stale. I'm sorry. Not sure how you go about fixing that. Is she possibly depressed? 1
joseb Posted May 20, 2017 Posted May 20, 2017 Dang. Excuse me for saying this but she sounds like a wet blanket thrown over a fire spark. Does she like ANYTHING?! Does she enjoy anything? What are her redeeming qualities. Does she not realize it's okay to have discussions about hypothetical questions/scenarios? She doesn't sound very imaginative, so I guess I can see why conversation might run stale. I'm sorry. Not sure how you go about fixing that. Is she possibly depressed? Yes she does. OP, what it it about her you like?
Author Jack420 Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 (edited) For everyone wondering why I like her at all, she is unique. I've had many crushes before but nothing like this one...this is by far the longest crush I had and its sometimes a bit deprressing. Before meeting her I started to work out to possibly attract her and I am now way above average in terms of muscular power. I mean, its been more than a year since I first saw her and talked to her and since then my mind is ruined for all other girls. We had few month break once and I simply wasn't attracted to any other girl during that time, I would be though if I didn't meet this girl in the first place. Besides her gorgeous looks, I love her personality - when she's in a good mood we're in a really good synergy. When we talk and she's looking at me smiling I just really don't care about her "negative" attributes. There are many more little things I like about her but it would just take too long to list them. @MountainGirl111 She is not depressed, she likes stuff that entertain her obviously (clothes, shoes, food)...I do and she does too realize that she might end up working in a local market with such attitude. Edited May 20, 2017 by Jack420
Author Jack420 Posted May 22, 2017 Author Posted May 22, 2017 Anyone got any advice here? Please help me out.
preraph Posted May 22, 2017 Posted May 22, 2017 I'm afraid she may just not have much on her mind....I had a coworker who lived with a local model once. Beautiful natural beauty, very very sweet, waited on him hand and foot, but very hard to find anything to talk about with her. The only subject I could ever get her going on was manicures because she did manicures too. If people don't keep up with current events or read or something, what do they have to talk about? Sounds like she doesn't have much of an imagination either. I went out with a guy who was great on paper but he couldn't keep up a conversation unless it was about his dissertation. He liked me to be the one talking and entertaining him but I got tired of it real fast. He wasn't dumb, but your friend might be. Sounds a lot like that model, but the model wasn't lazy at least. But they only talk about that type stuff. Dead boring. If she's real lazy, then having kids, the work might all fall on you. On the other hand, maybe it would give her something to talk about, or gripe about at least.
MountainGirl111 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 For everyone wondering why I like her at all, she is unique. I've had many crushes before but nothing like this one...this is by far the longest crush I had and its sometimes a bit deprressing. Before meeting her I started to work out to possibly attract her and I am now way above average in terms of muscular power. I mean, its been more than a year since I first saw her and talked to her and since then my mind is ruined for all other girls. We had few month break once and I simply wasn't attracted to any other girl during that time, I would be though if I didn't meet this girl in the first place. Besides her gorgeous looks, I love her personality - when she's in a good mood we're in a really good synergy. When we talk and she's looking at me smiling I just really don't care about her "negative" attributes. There are many more little things I like about her but it would just take too long to list them. @MountainGirl111 She is not depressed, she likes stuff that entertain her obviously (clothes, shoes, food)...I do and she does too realize that she might end up working in a local market with such attitude. Hmmmmmm...."clothes, shoes, food"............while there is nothing wrong about enjoying all those things there is a helluva lot more to life than clothes, shoes and food!! But, you probably already know/feel that, which could be why you feel icky about this and came on here for advice. Out of curiosity, what is meant by "local market" in terms of work? What kind of market; like in sales or something? You like her personality SOME of the time; when she's in a good mood....hmmmmm. That doesn't sound too promising for a long happy relationship. It sounds like to me you are the one making most of the effort to 'win' her. And if that's going to make you happy alright. But, over time that can leave you unfulfilled.Good relationships are a two way street. Good marriages are not ones in which one partner is always trying to please the other partner and feeling like they are STILL coming up short. So, you said she was lazy. In the long run, [though you find her very attractive and charming and gorgeous now], it's likely her laziness is going to really really bug you.
Redhead14 Posted May 23, 2017 Posted May 23, 2017 Talking too much and too often between seeing each other would leave not much to talk about in person . . . After a while, you don't need to/shouldn't have to talk every single day for hours at a time. A nice good night call or something light. In an established relationship, people are comfortable just being with each other and not having constant conversation. My SO don't talk every single day in between seeing each other. We call if there's something to say or report on right away, but we save some stuff for getting together.
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