Having space after being dumped will be the BEST thing for you * my story*

[karly85]

Hey.. I wanted to write about my story, my break up....

 

I was seeing a man, he was nice. A good job, nice looking, well kept, decent, house, car etc...... He was nice to me, enjoyed talking to me and told me that he liked me.

 

We went on dates once a week and started to see each other a weekly basis. I began to like him more and more with each date. And I thought he did too. He would text me everyday, always reply straight away and was kind.. I told him during this time that I do not like to rush into relationships and I take things slowly and get to know the person. He said the same.

 

About 1.5 months into dating (once a week) he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was really happy. To me this meant we both wanted to start developing and exploring our relationship more. He took me out to meet his friends. I was really happy. He seemed really happy.

 

It was now 4/5 months, I was ready for more from our relationship. By this I mean, I wanted to see him more. We were still only seeing each other 1x per week. Saturdays 7pm to Sunday 11am.

 

I thought he may be scared to ask me for more, as i wanted to take things slowly getting to know him. I thought he may be waiting for me to ask as he didnt want to scare me away.

 

I asked him if we could start seeing each other more. He replied that he was not able to do this. He said he liked me but he likes being on his own and taking things at his own pace. At this point he wasnt sure he could see a future with me but was happy to still see me and see if his feelings would change.

 

I was upset, but i just thought he needed more time so I gave him time and I continued seeing him 1x per week for a total of 9 months, waiting for him to see me more.

 

I was so wrapped up in HOW I FELT about him that I failed to see how he FELT ABOUT ME.

 

Eventually (at the 9 month point) I text him one evening, ''it doesn't feel like things are changing''

 

Complete silence from him. He read the message and no reply. For the first time in 9 months, he did not text me or ring me for a 3/4 days

 

Eventually I contacted him. I asked him everything was ok? He said no. He said he felt he was my wasting time and he could not see us getting married.

 

I was heartbroken. I asked him what I could do to fix or change myself to make him feel like he wants to be with me.

 

He said nothing. He said he felt I liked him more than he liked me and that he didnt feel as strongly about me. I made excuses for him feeling like that... I was too boring. I was too needy. I was too moody. I text him too much/ I text him too little.

 

We stopped contact (he suggested space). I was distraught. I was hurt. I was not good enough.

 

This was the first time in months, I had space. This was the first time I was able to see the REAL relationship we had, and not the FANTASY I had created in my head about what WE had.

 

He was never invested in the relationship, he was never going to be. No matter how much I waited for him. He would have carried on seeing me as long as I stayed quiet or he found someone he wanted to be with.

 

The space made me see how he felt about me.

 

If you feel your relationship is not right, your partner pulling away, or things changing....HAVE SOME SPACE.

[penelopeanne]

wow, that sounds painful. i can say now that i am on almost 3 months post break up of my over 2 year relationship and having a hell of a time with the break up- i can see very clearly that it is not so much the break up that crushing me, its that i really lost myself in the relationship.

i couldn't see how unhealthy it made me because of all our distance and his inability to compromise or even make the relationship a top priority ever.

so clear now on the outside looking in and i must believe that having this space for me will ultimately be the best.

lots of healing to do. thanks for sharing.