Titan55 Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I got out of a three year relationship almost a year ago. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm a cop, so every single time I have down time, I'm thinking of her. After a really difficult call I want to call her to have someone to vent to. In one of my vest pockets I still have this note she wrote me from when we were together. I keep it because God forbid I get shot, I want to be able to read it one last time. Since I'm in Law Enforcement were kinda trained to really not show much emotion. So this is really the first I'm getting it out there. Is this normal? Or what the hell is wrong with me? 3
Titanll Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I got out of a three year relationship almost a year ago. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm a cop, so every single time I have down time, I'm thinking of her. After a really difficult call I want to call her to have someone to vent to. In one of my vest pockets I still have this note she wrote me from when we were together. I keep it because God forbid I get shot, I want to be able to read it one last time. Since I'm in Law Enforcement were kinda trained to really not show much emotion. So this is really the first I'm getting it out there. Is this normal? Or what the hell is wrong with me? Getting kinda close on the user name there OP! This place ain't big enough for two Titans! Welcome...if welcomes are in order. Have you not met anyone new since the break up? Surely you have a buddy to vent to, right? What the hell is wrong with you? Well, you're still in love and it takes time to get back on your feet. You will. Three years together is plenty of time to start building your life together. One year apart is time to start moving on. If there is no chance of reconciliation, I would slowly start dating again if you're not. You will likely meet someone new that helps you forget the past but there is no way to know when that will happen. One day at a time...
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Hi Titan, sorry to hear how you are feeling. It's good that you are posting here. Maybe doing so will help you to work through it all. I can imagine that being a cop means you have to shut out feelings a lot. Sometimes we need to focus on them and, where an important relationship has broken down, to grieve. Three years is time enough to form a bond and to start building a life together. To have that end is a huge blow and no wonder you are feeling it. There are all sorts of conflicting feelings that flow through the body after a break-up - shock, anger, disbelief, confusion, and so it goes on. The unconscious mind has to process all this and it is still doing so with you. Maybe because of the kind of work you do and the character needed for that work, you find it difficult to form a close bond. It will seem a much greater loss because of this. It is possible for a new bond to develop with another woman, despite how you might be feeling now. Believing that things can get better is important when you are feeling stuck. Maybe hanging onto the photo and other things is holding you back or, more likely, you are not ready to let them go yet. In our daily lives we meet people and it is on a superficial level. It is easy to forget that beneath the surface niceties and small talk are real people who are also hiding their feelings to fit in with the social milieu. Real intimacy only begins when we get past that surface person. Maybe take a bit of time to talk to people you like and find out more about the person underneath. It might help you to realise that she was not the only person you could feel close to. I know it's very tough and you can't force these things, but there is hope that you will feel able to look outwards before too long. 1
Author Titan55 Posted May 19, 2017 Author Posted May 19, 2017 Hi Titan, sorry to hear how you are feeling. It's good that you are posting here. Maybe doing so will help you to work through it all. I can imagine that being a cop means you have to shut out feelings a lot. Sometimes we need to focus on them and, where an important relationship has broken down, to grieve. Three years is time enough to form a bond and to start building a life together. To have that end is a huge blow and no wonder you are feeling it. There are all sorts of conflicting feelings that flow through the body after a break-up - shock, anger, disbelief, confusion, and so it goes on. The unconscious mind has to process all this and it is still doing so with you. Maybe because of the kind of work you do and the character needed for that work, you find it difficult to form a close bond. It will seem a much greater loss because of this. It is possible for a new bond to develop with another woman, despite how you might be feeling now. Believing that things can get better is important when you are feeling stuck. Maybe hanging onto the photo and other things is holding you back or, more likely, you are not ready to let them go yet. In our daily lives we meet people and it is on a superficial level. It is easy to forget that beneath the surface niceties and small talk are real people who are also hiding their feelings to fit in with the social milieu. Real intimacy only begins when we get past that surface person. Maybe take a bit of time to talk to people you like and find out more about the person underneath. It might help you to realise that she was not the only person you could feel close to. I know it's very tough and you can't force these things, but there is hope that you will feel able to look outwards before too long. It really eats at me. Almost everynight, long shift, etc. So it's not uncommon for me to feel like this? I'm just getting into the whole feelings thing if that's what you want to call it, so I really only feel anger and sadness and kinda don't know the others.
Maldives Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I got out of a three year relationship almost a year ago. I can't stop thinking about her. I'm a cop, so every single time I have down time, I'm thinking of her. After a really difficult call I want to call her to have someone to vent to. In one of my vest pockets I still have this note she wrote me from when we were together. I keep it because God forbid I get shot, I want to be able to read it one last time. Since I'm in Law Enforcement were kinda trained to really not show much emotion. So this is really the first I'm getting it out there. Is this normal? Or what the hell is wrong with me? It's normal dude on average it's taken me 3 yrs to get over someone I really loved ur not alone
Altair0770 Posted May 19, 2017 Posted May 19, 2017 I'd get rid of the note tbh. It may be the one thing holding you back. My best advice is try to date around. Talk to friends or family if you can. My friend tells me to set goals for myself everyday. By the end of the day I want to do X amount of push-ups, ect. See if that helps. But imo, holding onto that note to read it one last time or so is going to keep you stuck.
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