Trying to understand ex girl behavior

[pizza]

So i got dumped by this girl about a month ago. We had a short fling of about 4 months but i really caught feelings for this person. We seemed to be getting by well and she even visited my parents house and we did all the basic relationship stuff together. Out of the blue after a nice weekend she went cold and dumped me shortly after saying that she's not over her ex and doesn't know how to feel. After a long constructive talk at my place we came to a conclusion that this is it and hugged goodbyes. She didn't want it to be "goodbyes" and said stuff like "you never know whats going to happen in the future and this was just terrible timing" but yeah that's what they all say.

 

 

Last time i saw her was 2 weeks ago when she picked up her stuff from my place and we had a short chat where she told me that she's been having second thoughts. I told her to give me a call if she ever truly changes her mind about things. She was also a bit upset about me taking her off my social media because she of course wanted to stay friends. I told her i cant be friends right now. Best wishes, hugs and goodbye again.

 

 

I haven't contacted her in any way and yesterday she sent a text asking me the silliest question about phone service prices abroad because she is going to travel. She recalled us talking about the subject once and asked for some advice basically. Now this is a thing you can google in like 5 seconds. i answered just the facts that i know about the subject and she thanked me and that's that.

 

Is she just trying to be friends and chatting out not knowing how much it hurts to receive messages or what is up with this kind of behavior?

[preraph]

She's trying to make you be just friends with her. You told her you aren't doing that, so she should respect that but isn't, which is disrespectful and inconsiderate.

[Titanll]

What behavior are you asking about? Yours or hers?

 

You will get all manner of advice here but can't we just cut to the chase.

 

You want her back? Tell her.

 

You don't want her back? Block her, move on

 

You want to be friend? Be friends.

 

Mix or match or create your own ending.

[Maldives]

It wss an excuse to contact u. Why? is anyone's guess u can only take her at her word she said friends believe her. The balls in her court she knows wat to do and say if she wants u back. Why did she leave? Did u do anything wrong? If not then stand ur ground and watever u dont make it too easy for her I'd she wants to work things out. There's a good chance she'll go hot and cold if u do. She'll see how easy it is to pick things up from where u left off and use that to her advantage. No make her work for it and prove it don't even respond til she's back begging.

I've read too many stories on here and also my own experiences which back this up. Unless u did things and we're at fault then chase or what have u but otherwise if u did nothing major then let her chase and really earn ur trust.

The powerful thing to do would be to totally reject her but that's not so easy or cut and dry

[jamili]

Goodguy is right on target.

 

What she did is known on here as a "breadcrumb", and what she sent you is a classic, textbook one at that.

 

Mine sent similar things.

 

"Im going to set up internet, will this affect you?"

 

And other stuff that i know for a fact that she knows and/or can google in 3 seconds. Excuse to contact you.

 

Mine did this for several months. I got tired of answering politely like you did, only to have her disappear for another few weeks... and eventually told her to basically spit it out if she means something more by the contact... and if not to stop contacting me and respect my desire for No Contact.

 

She stopped. I got one more after than 2 months later... didguised as something logisitical. I gave her the benefit of the doubt plus i was at the point where i didnt care either way so i responded politely again. She did the same disappear thing, typical.

 

Fact is unless she's saying she wants back or displaying some more vulnerability, it means nothing. Could be curiousity, ego stroking, regret, fear, lonliness, etc. But you dont know. My best guess is that they do this to make sure they still have you on a string as backup plan in case they dont meet someone better someday.

 

Best bet, including if you would like to reconcile someday, is totally ignore the breadcrumbs, if they continue. Confirming that you are on her string isnt improving your chances at reconciliation and certainly isnt helping you heal, so dont bother. She dumped you, dont forget, and it looks quite weak and unattractive if you respond back on command like a trained puppy... this wont do you any favors (similar to being her "friend").