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My ex GF cheated on her new BF with me and I told him

ItIsNotMe

By ItIsNotMe
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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ItIsNotMe Member

ItIsNotMe

Posted
Posted

Hello, everyone. First, I want to apologize for my bad English :)

 

Me and my ex GF were together for an year and half. Our relationship used to have its ups and downs and we did separate and get together more than 5-6 times. The main reason was that she was always acting overdramatically about easily solvable issues and I have had enough of her BS. I did always try my best to help her to solve her problems but she was never satisfied with my ideas. She also got depressed and as I said, I did by best to help her but there was no result. Then she changes the "polarity" of her emotions: she started being rude to me which made me want to leave her. Sometimes she was verbally abusive (telling me that I have no real friends. That I've never done anything for her. That I've never paid enough attention to her. That I'm a bad person. That she has never ever felt anything during sex with me (I knew it was BS and later she admited that she was just trying to insult me in a sexual way)) and she once kicked me in my legs. Then she got really sorry for her abusive behavior and we got back together. Almost every time she was coming to my home, crying and apologizing and when we got together, she was obviously really happy and peaceful. I appreciated each attempt to show me that she has been sorry so I forgave her each rude word. We spoke that everything will be ok (... Till the next time...).

 

That was the usual scenario of our back-s and forth-s. During the normal periods, she was really caring, lovely and overly-attached GF.

 

We had one more problem - she got greedy and sort of gold digger.

I used to pay her taxi drives many times (between 20 & 30) because she has never had money with her (her family are poor. My family is also poor but are better than her's). The drama here was that she has had the opportunity to leave my house earlier and to use the public transport but she was staying here till the last moment. Almost every evening she asked me to call her a taxi and afterward she was telling me that she has had no money with her. That continued for a month and then I told her that I can't pay her taxis anymore. She was OK with my decision because I let her know that it costed me a big amount of money which she has never given me back. I knew that she didn't have enough money but I was still kinda upset that instead of leaving earlier and using the public transport, she continued to use me to pay her taxis (I'm studying at university and I don't have my own incomes). She's also a student but younger than me.

 

Another case is when we were ordering a pizza. After I've ordered it, she usually tells me that she only has 1/3 or 1/4 of the needed amount of money. The first couple of times I was somehow ok with it but than I started getting angry for not-telling me earlier.

 

Months later (and after few back-s and forth-s) the same poor GF of mine bought herself a new smartphone. I realized that all the money which she told me that she didn't have, were saved for the new phone... Anyway, I kept calm. I'm not a fool but I'm not a tight c*nt too. After a couple of months, one day she forgot somewhere her purse. By the time I was at uni, she has came to my house to ask my grandmother about the purse. It wasn't here (later we found it in the car of girl friend and a colleague of mine with whom we met the day before) but had to hurry so my grandmother has lent her a small amount of money for her taxi.

 

1. I understood that from my grandmother weeks later. My ex didn't tell me anything about it.

2. The amount of money was small but still didn't belong to my ex GF but my grandmother.

3. The amount was bigger than the taxi's cost. My ex didn't return neither the entire amount, nor the change money afterward.

 

My and my ex got into fight couple of days after New Year. At one time she started explaining how she wants to be rich so she can afford herself "expensive things" and how all she wants is MONEY. I got really frustrated so I started asking her trick questions, watching her greedy and disgusting behavior. Then I asked her if she has given my grandmother her money back (I knew she hasn't done it). Her answer was simply "No. I didn't". I told her that I was going to restore them because my grandmother and grandfather are poor and any amount of money is significant for them.

2-3 weeks earlier she (my ex) had bought herself even a smart watch for her phone (which again means that she DOES have money and she DID have the possibility to restore them). I got really frustrated and asked her, how could she buy herself a pointless gadget when she's owing money to my family. She told me that I'm obviously jealous and all the expensive things make her feel significant. She also told me that she's going to restore the money "if I want it so bad". I declined and told her that if she has ever wanted to restore them, she would do it without waiting me to insist. I also told her that our relationship is over and gave her all her clothes which she has left at my home. The entire conversation continued for 5-6 days and she got upset again. I was really hurt that someone who was so significant for me, was trying to kinda steal from my family (taking without returning).

I blocked her and took the decision to forget her.

 

3 months later I was still heartbroken and thought that I may have acted too rude. I've also realized my mistakes - that sometimes I've been putting her in background and that I haven't been showing my love the right way for her.

One day I unblocked her and texted her. She responded rapidly and her manner of texting was ok too. I saw on her fb that on the same day she has started a new relationship which turned out to be a long distance relationship. However, we continued texting each other and she asked me why did I text her after 3 months of absence. I told her that I was hurt by her greed and rude behavior and she explained me that she has been tired of fighting for me with me. That was her reason for not calling me during these 3 months. Our conversation continued about telling each other about our lives during the 3 months period of not seeing. She told me she hasn't met in real life her new boyfriend but he was wonderful but she has also had an one night stand 2 weeks earlier. IDK why but she even sent me a pic of her and him (the one night stand). It made me a lil bit uncomfortable but in the end I didn't say anything because we weren't together anymore and the choice was her's.

 

Afterward, she played her best card - she told me that she didn't feel well during the past few days. Headache, low blood pressure, ringing ears, etc. I am pre-last year medicine student and she knew that I was going to offer my help. And I did it - I offered her to come to my house to see her. It was also an opportunity to speak about our previous issues. She accepted immediately.

 

She came to my home and in less than 2-3 minutes we went to the bedroom and had sex. I told her that I didn't text her only to f*ck her. I wanted her back in my life and I also wanted to resolve our issues and to build a better relationship. She accepted and she was OBVIOUSLY VERY VERY HAPPY TO SEE (and not only :D ) ME. I was also happy for giving our relationship a second chance after 3 months of reconsidering our issues.

When I asked her, what was she going to do with her new BF, she just froze speechless. Then she started explaining how vulnerable, blah-blah-blah, he was and if she has told him the truth, he would hurt himself. I reminded her that less than 5 minutes earlier she told me that she wants to renew our relationship and to be with me again. She continued explaining about his previous mental breakdowns and she told me that he was going to visit her in our town in 4-5 days. She asked me if she can date him for a couple of his visits here but I declined. I offered her to drive her home and to remain silent about our one night affair. She declined but still was unsure about what to do. I insisted to drive her home but she declined again.

 

I asked her if she was going to be ok if I was dating her and a second girl. She told me that she understands me, so I offered her to cut her communication with him, step by step. I realized that he has no guilt that I have had re-appeared in her life again so I gave her the opportunity to do it till the day before his coming here. She accepted and stayed overnight with me for 2 nights in a row while lying him that she's busy, tired & etc...

 

On the 3rd day she started texting in a weird way and I asked her what's happening. She answered me that she has felt torn between me and him and she wants to try her luck with him. I felt miserable and betrayed. Then I texted him, telling him that I'm her's ex and all the truth. At first he didn't believe me but then I sent him a conversation screenshot where she tells me that she's feeling sleepy but the night with me did worth. He understood that I wasn't lying.

 

Then she started texting me, that I'm awful, that I'm a scumbag who has the ability to ruin everything, that she has expected to have some fun in the bed but she didn't (yeah, sure... Look at your messages to me, telling me that it did worth staying 2 nights in a row in my house, b*tch :D). She told me that she wanted to hurt me and that's why she has stayed in my bed for 2 nights in a row - giving me false hope.

 

So they broke up due her infidelity and my honesty.

A couple of hours later I knew that she already has calmed down, so I called her on the cell phone and told her again that I love her and I want her to be a part of my life. She accepted. She told me that was even feeling relieved after breaking up with him. I asked her if she relly wants to be with me again and to resolve our issues. She said "yes, I believe that we can fix our problems". So I took home and we spoke. During the next days I was trying to give my best: constant attention, little surprises & etc

Everything seemed to be ok till the day I tried to test her intentions by stop making her surprises and nice acts for a couple of days - a week later she had forgotten her purse at my home again (I saw it on the couch) so I told her. She started freaking out, what was she going to do because her public transport card was in it and the weather was rainy, awuful. I told her that it's safe here and she'll take it on her next visit. She started complaining that on the next day she is going to use the public tranport so she needs her card in it. I answered that I have had no fuel for my car (I lied because I wanted to see her response) so she has to use the public transport to come home or to come by foot. Again, she told me that she had no money for the public transport and I offered her to ask her mother for the needed small amount of money. It was so ridiculous when she replied that her mother has already given her last money to buy milk (my ex doesn't like it). So she waited until the weather got better and came by foot. By the time I had already put on the air conditioner and there was also hot water so she won't catch a cold. When she came, she was really happy to see me (like all the previous days). On this day I didn't cook anything so the only edible thing in my house was one salami. I cut it in 2 halves and sliced one of them. We ate the slices and I started browsing something on my laptop. By the time, she has already started slicing the second half (which was meant to be eaten too) but eating each slice after she has cut it. One by one. I asked her: so, when I'm preparing the food, it's for both of us. And when it's your turn - you're doing it only for yourself?

She got ashamed, apologized and continued slicing it for the both of us. On the next morning, as she was leaving my house, she saw that there were 3 cigarettes left. I saw her trying to take 2 of them and again, I told her that's not fair to take 2 of 3 so she took one. Then I asked her if she was going to come home the same evening and she agreed. But she didn't come. Strange... :)

During this day she started b*tching about everything. I told her that if she wants to fix our issues, she has to change her behavior. She answered me, that she wasn't responsible for it. The next day she came to my house and everything seemed to be ok again after 2 days of childish bitching and denying responsibility in a row. She even told me that I've changed in a positive way and that I'm a totally different. I was glad to hear it because I was really appreciating all the good moments and memories together, hoping to solve our problems and also hoping to create new and even better memories. But... Nope :)

2 days later I got a text message where she tells me that recently she had no feelings for me (or are not the same as before our break up) and doesn't want to hurt me anymore. She also wrote that she was afraid that everything was going to happen the same way as before. That she'll get depressed or arrogant again and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I asked her if she was going to try her luck again with that guy (from the long distance relationship) and she agreed. WTF?!

The last thing I did was to leave her clothes on the bus station near her home and called her, telling her to go there. She went and called me back to ask me where I am. I told her that her clothes are there and I'm already far far away.

 

All in all our "reunion attempt" continued for 2 weeks. Almost every night she was with me and then went back to him. WTF?! :D

 

At least, I know that I was honest, sincere and that I tried to get her back :)

 

Your opinion?

P.S. sorry for the long thread :|

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted

Why are you patting yourself on the back? You knowing slept with her when she told you she had a boyfriend.

 

None of the rest of your story even matters.

 

What the hell do you want? A medal?

 

Sure, you told the guy, but you didn't have to sleep with her in the first place.

 

So while you may think you have done a good thing, you really haven't. All you did was be complicit in hurting somebody without their knowledge and then felt used so you spilled the beans. Why you would even talk to her after your diatribe about her being cheap and getting money off granny is beyond comprehension other than you wanted a piece of ass.

 

Real Selfless, there, Gandhi!

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ItIsNotMe Member

ItIsNotMe

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I didn't force her to be with me. She had multiple choices:

 

1. She could ignore my messages. But she didn't.

 

2. She could only text me in a friendly way. She played the "hey, doctor, I'm sick and need your help" card.

 

3. We could have met us on a neutral place (e.g. park, cafeteria...). She did accept to come to my house without any hesitations.

 

4. When she came to my house, we immediately started hugging, kissing and went to the bedroom. As I said, she had enough time (6-7 hours) to think about coming here and cheating on her BF. It wasn't spontaneous question and acts. That's why I thought that her LDR wasn't anything serious. If she just wanted to speak in private with me, she could tell me that it would be only a conversation. She didn't.

 

5. I offered her to call a taxi or to drive her home without telling anyone about our one night stand. She declined and she did accept to fix our relationship issues.

 

So, all in all, she had at least 5 different opportunities to show me that she doesn't want me back in her life but she preferred to do her usual - she tried to take advantage of the situation but in a stupid way. And when the things didn't come out as she wanted, she started blaming someone else (me) for her own ignorance. As I said in my previous post, she was never satisfied with my problem solutions which leads to drama that I can't help her and she starts insulting me. She lied to him and she also lied to me. Which means that she doesn't give a f*ck for no one of both of us.

 

For example, if I'm in a new relationship (not matter if long distance or normal one) and my ex starts texting me, I would either ignore/block her, or tell her that I'm already in a new relationship and ask her if there's anything important to text about. I would let her know that everything is over and I won't play the cheating game.

Edited by ItIsNotMe
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)

Two thoughts -

 

1). Your relationship with this woman is crazy immature and unhealthy.

 

2). To sleep with her when you know she has a boyfriend, and then text her boyfriend to tell him... Surely, you are a better person than this? That was a bad decision and certainly not something to be proud of doing. The fact that you blame her for "not showing you that she didn't want to be in your life" and don't take any responsibility for your actions... well again, immature and nothing for you to be proud of. Sorry.

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 6
Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
I didn't force her to be with me. She had multiple choices:

 

1. She could ignore my messages. But she didn't.

 

2. She could only text me in a friendly way. She played the "hey, doctor, I'm sick and need your help" card.

 

3. We could have met us on a neutral place (e.g. park, cafeteria...). She did accept to come to my house without any hesitations.

 

4. When she came to my house, we immediately started hugging, kissing and went to the bedroom. As I said, she had enough time (6-7 hours) to think about coming here and cheating on her BF. It wasn't spontaneous question and acts. That's why I thought that her LDR wasn't anything serious. If she just wanted to speak in private with me, she could tell me that it would be only a conversation. She didn't.

 

5. I offered her to call a taxi or to drive her home without telling anyone about our one night stand. She declined and she did accept to fix our relationship issues.

 

So, all in all, she had at least 5 different opportunities to show me that she doesn't want me back in her life but she preferred to do her usual - she tried to take advantage of the situation but in a stupid way. And when the things didn't come out as she wanted, she started blaming someone else (me) for her own ignorance. As I said in my previous post, she was never satisfied with my problem solutions which leads to drama that I can't help her and she starts insulting me. She lied to him and she also lied to me. Which means that she doesn't give a f*ck for no one of both of us.

 

For example, if I'm in a new relationship (not matter if long distance or normal one) and my ex starts texting me, I would either ignore/block her, or tell her that I'm already in a new relationship and ask her if there's anything important to text about. I would let her know that everything is over and I won't play the cheating game.

 

I take it you are very young, OP, because your explanation smacks of blameshifting. As in "Why would I stop her from screwing ? She set it all up and in the end she didn't want to be with me, so I have no responsibility!"

 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our own actions whether they be good or bad. Again, you spilling the beans is all well and good. But you should have never broken No Contact with her in the first place. You set yourself up to fail, and on top of it you affected another man's life by your actions, that could have been avoided had you just acted like an adult.

 

Like I hinted at already, there would have been honor in your actions had you not slept with her and informed the other guy his GF was trying to cheat on him. But instead you did not do that, and hurt somebody you don't even know for no other reason than it was because you could.

 

You may think differently, but one day you will be paid back in your own coin. And you won't like it one bit

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ItIsNotMe Member

ItIsNotMe

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Yeah, I knew that it wasn't the best idea to want her back in my life after the money-related issue but... Feelings, memories, hope...

 

I don't deny my guilt for texting her. But when she continued texting me in a nice way + accepting my offer to come to my house, it was sort of greenlight.

 

Space Ritual, if this happens to me one day, I know that I won't feel well, for sure. But I know that I would also ask myself "Why she didn't stop him? Why she did it?"

Obviously, she liked the way of getting attention from both of us. She even asked me I would let her date him simultaneously.

 

And I didn't get laid with her to hurt him. To me, he's indifferent. When I texted him I have mentioned that I don't hate him because I couldn't hate anyone without knowing them. I had 2 reasons to tell him about our 2 days affair:

 

- I wanted to show her that there is no act without its consequences. She's has this type of thinking that she thinks that she's very smart and could take an advantage of every situation without any consequences. Obviously this includes cheatin and lying.

 

- If was I was him, I would like to know that I've been cheated on. I knew she wasn't going to tell him about me. I told him that if all of this BS has happened to me, I would like to know for my GF cheating on my with someone else.

 

All in all, she thought that she could play with both of us because she has already realized that we both were in love with her.

 

1. She knew that I was honest and she also saw my attempts to fix my bads.

2. He had already created an imaginary image of her being perfect to him.

Edited by ItIsNotMe
flysolo Member

flysolo

Posted
Posted (edited)

Space Ritual pretty much said it all.

Whatever you say doesn't matter anymore.

 

Don't mess with another man's girl.

Simple as that.

Leave her alone.

If she's chasing you, run away from her.

 

Stop trying to justify or look for a way out of why you did such things and learn how to take responsibility of your actions- first step of being a man.

 

Funniest part is that you actually told the guy... oh boy..

"I had sex with your girlfriend, but since I'm telling you myself I'm an honest and a good person"

 

Look, you had sex with her because you wanted to, not because she set it up for you.

It takes two people to have sex, and if either side does not want to have sex, then it doesn't happen. If it does, it's rape.

So you had sex, that means both of you wanted to have sex.

 

Man, it's really hard to even give advice to people like you.

ItIsNotMe, It Is You.

Edited by flysolo
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

What outcome are you expecting? Did you think she was going to coming rushing back to your arms?

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ItIsNotMe Member

ItIsNotMe

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I have never said that telling him would make me a better person. As I said, if I was him, I would like to know the truth. And I also wanted to show her that she couldn't fool 2 people, having the best of them and lying to both of them, without any consequences. It was insolent to ask me if she could call me someday and to tell me that she wanted to be with both of us, simultaneously.

 

I read enough about my bads. But no one wrote anything about her words and behavior...

Edited by ItIsNotMe
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
I have never said that telling him would make me a better person. As I said, if I was him, I would like to know the truth. And I also wanted to show her that she couldn't fool 2 people, having the best of them and lying to both of them, without any consequences. It was insolent to ask me if she could call me someday and to tell me that she wanted to be with both of us, simultaneously.

 

I read enough about my bads. But no one wrote anything about her words and behavior...

 

One more read.

 

No will write anything good about what you did because there was nothing

that you did was good.

 

There was a reason why you two broke up.

 

There was no reason for you two to get back together.

 

There was no reason for you to be her OM.

 

Outside of you wanting to hurt and get back at your exgf there was no

good reason for you to tell her current BF.

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Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
I read enough about my bads. But no one wrote anything about her words and behavior...

 

She didn't write in seeking internet absolution, you did.

  • Like 4
flysolo Member

flysolo

Posted
Posted
I have never said that telling him would make me a better person. As I said, if I was him, I would like to know the truth. And I also wanted to show her that she couldn't fool 2 people, having the best of them and lying to both of them, without any consequences. It was insolent to ask me if she could call me someday and to tell me that she wanted to be with both of us, simultaneously.

 

I read enough about my bads. But no one wrote anything about her words and behavior...

 

You should have a clear idea about what people think of you by now

Instead of worrying about her, I'd worry about improving yourself.

  • Like 1
bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

Posted
Posted

At least it had a happy ending when you two broke up. I'm not going to grill you for enabling her cheating. You seemed to do it because you were actually trying to get her back, rather than to just get sex. But even great sex did not work, as you found out. Now you know. Kudos to you for not spiraling into depression, because that kind of person has a tendency to do that to people.

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