Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 (edited) Hi. Sorry if this is the wrong section. I'm dating my ex bf again. We rely a lot on technology to communicate. He works nights, long hours, so it's mainly text. I don't like text, it makes me anxious,(he knows) there's no closure, but I feel bad if I don't communicate with him often. I also feel nervous because I don't know if I'm texting too much or I'm not texting enough. Does anyone else feel this way??? Texting has made things really complicated because I don't know how to end a conversation unless it's "going to bed" and then I hate leaving texts unanswered, but sometimes, I just don't feel like texting. I don't know if he does either although he carries convo and responds right away. He has called me cold before and said I'm playing games and I think it has to do in part with my communication. I don't wanna give that impression again. Questions: How do decide how much to text and when? If the person texts back immediately always, do you also? Like say they ask a follow up question? How do you guys end a text convo? Do you or is silence/just letting it die out the way to go? How long is too long not to respond before it is seen as rude? Edited May 18, 2017 by Cookiesandough
Popsicle Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I don't know the answer to any of your questions except I always text back right away if someone texts me (assuming my phone is near me and my hands aren't tied). I don't see any reason not to. If someone were standing next to you and talking to you in person you'd respond right away, right? It's the same thing to me. I'm not a game player though and I tend to gravitate towards people who also don't play games. But working opposite shifts is almost like having a LDR. You never get to see each other. 1
Titanll Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 We just let our texts flow like any conversation. We see each other daily but we text maybe 50 messages a day. We never worry if either of us takes a bit to reply. If we know that we are going to be really busy, we will let the other know. No secret really. Just text when you want. Early in our relationship we actually texted less even though we see each other more now. 1
Author Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 I don't know the answer to any of your questions except I always text back right away if someone texts me (assuming my phone is near me and my hands aren't tied). I don't see any reason not to. If someone were standing next to you and talking to you in person you'd respond right away, right? It's the same thing to me. I'm not a game player though and I tend to gravitate towards people who also don't play games. But working opposite shifts is almost like having a LDR. You never get to see each other. You're 100% right, pops. I guess that's why I hats cellies. NO PRIVACY. I find it unsettling that people are constantly right there next to me and expect me to be there with them, no matter where we are, or what we're doing. Sometimes you just wanna be alone. Maybe it's just something I should discuss with him again. Ty. And so true about opposite shifts too. 1
Author Miss Spider Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 We just let our texts flow like any conversation. We see each other daily but we text maybe 50 messages a day. We never worry if either of us takes a bit to reply. If we know that we are going to be really busy, we will let the other know. No secret really. Just text when you want. Early in our relationship we actually texted less even though we see each other more now. Thanks, Titan. I know this is silly, but do you guys say goodnight? Or basically just figure if you haven't responded and it's late you've gone to bed. Gah, I'm over-thinking!!
Titanll Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Haha! You're fine. We are close to living together but yes on the nights apart we say good night and all manner of sappy stuff. Since he works nights I would let him know when you head to bed. I get it. Uncertainty in a relationship is tough but goes away with time and learning each others style if you will. You are doing fine. Relax and enjoy. 1
mortensorchid Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I wait a bit for texts unless I am having a conversation back and forth with someone. If it's a "good morning" or "Hi how are you" message, I wait a bit. I'm busy during the day and doing other things and I don't want to be glued to the phone the whole day when I am working. And I put in something like "hi there, sorry busy this morning, now on lunch". 1
Chilli Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Textings really hard in ways. My ex and l only ever got into tangles through text , sooo many things misunderstood. Yet in person we got along incredible l think ya just gotta talk to him about the way you like and don't like and things you do. But hey , do it in person , not by text for god sake. 1
CptInsano Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 To be honest, what gets me more than texting itself are women who check and interpret the online status of my messaging client. Maybe I don't know how the client determines my status, but I know that it is somewhat random. I really don't like having discussions about what I was doing late at night when all I did was snore. 1
clia Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Hi. Sorry if this is the wrong section. I'm dating my ex bf again. We rely a lot on technology to communicate. He works nights, long hours, so it's mainly text. I don't like text, it makes me anxious,(he knows) there's no closure, but I feel bad if I don't communicate with him often. I also feel nervous because I don't know if I'm texting too much or I'm not texting enough. Does anyone else feel this way??? Texting has made things really complicated because I don't know how to end a conversation unless it's "going to bed" and then I hate leaving texts unanswered, but sometimes, I just don't feel like texting. I don't know if he does either although he carries convo and responds right away. He has called me cold before and said I'm playing games and I think it has to do in part with my communication. I don't wanna give that impression again. Questions: How do decide how much to text and when? If the person texts back immediately always, do you also? Like say they ask a follow up question? How do you guys end a text convo? Do you or is silence/just letting it die out the way to go? How long is too long not to respond before it is seen as rude? If you don't like texting, then stop making that your primary means of communication. Just plan to talk to him on the phone once a day to check in. There is absolutely no reason why you need to be having ongoing conversation(s) all day long via text. Just tell him you aren't a big texter and want to talk to him on the phone instead. I personally don't view texting the same way I view an in person or phone conversation. If the text warrants a response, I respond whenever I see it. If it doesn't warrant a response, I don't worry about it, and I just respond if I feel like it or have something to say. I don't feel any need to officially sign off on conversations with a "Goodbye." I just go silent. That said, I don't have big conversations via text, so usually there is no need to keep it going. My conversations are more like "Running late, be there in five minutes" or a few quick exchanges about something going on right then. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 This is a big part of why I don't like texting. I find it's great for a quick question or two to someone. But I don't like the never ending delayed conversations. I prefer my conversations to be real time. 3
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 When I text I expect to be treated with courtesy the same as if we were on the phone. If the conversation is over then I expect the person to say so by saying good night or talk later or got to go or etc etc. I made this clear from the start and rarely had problems with people not understanding this basic need for courtesy. 1
SevenCity Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 If you feel the need to end the convo, just say "Gotta run, ttyl" I tend to end convos via text before they get too stale. 2
basil67 Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 "Saying goodbye now. Going to watch X on Netflix/going to have a bath/going to dye my hair/got housework to do/gotta cook dinner/etc. Talk tomorrow xx" 1
basil67 Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Also, the relationship with this guy didn't work out last time. What has changed to make you think it would work better this time? I tend to think that unless there's been substantial change, going back to an ex is akin to bashing one's head against a brick wall. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I don't put much meaning to it...Maybe it's me, but I don't have a cell as an additional bodypart that people can't let out of their sight for 2 minutes or they'll have a panic attack...People that know me, know that they may get an immediate response or they may not get a response until possibly hours later....If that gave someone anxiety, then its on them... I can't be the only one, no?? My advice is live your life and don't get obsessive...I know its easier said than done, but it's the only way to feel good about something that you probably have little control over... TFY 1
Recommended Posts