Abracadabra Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 This is my first time posting on one of these. My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me two months ago, because he stated taht he needed to grow on his own, and needed to see what else is out there. After we broke up we did not speak for 3 weeks and finally i broke the ice and tried to communicate with him. He said that he loved talking to me and that he felt so comfortable just hanging out and talking. He was going away for the weekend so he said that he would call me when he got back. Well he never did, so I sent him a text message asking what was up. He wrote back that he wanted to talk but taht he couldn't at the current moment and that he would call me that weekend. Well he called me about 30 min later that day. We talked and had a good conversation. But i mentioned to him that i was really frustrated and bothered by the whole situation of what was happeneing. He said he didn't know what more closure I wanted, we were not together and we were not getting back together. It was harsh to hear that and it made me mad. So later that night I was in bar with my friends and he showed up at the same bar with his friends. I purposly went out of my way to ignore him to just try and not make the enviornment uncomfortable for both of us. Well as I started to walk away he pulled on my arm and tried to strike up a conversation with me. But I really did not want to get in depth with him. well come to find out during this whole night all he was doing was going around to both our friends and saying how " awkward it was that we were in the same bar togther". Thats all I heard from everyone the whole night, and it started to get really old. In addition during most of the night he stood really close to me and watched everything I was doing. By the end of the night just as I was leaving, I saw him speaking to some girl. So I went up to him, and said why are you doing this to me. I kindly reminded him that this was what he wanted. He then informed me that he thought we should see other people, and taht he would love it if I would talk and date another guy. He also stated to me that we were not getting back together. He then proceded that there were many things that he wanted to say but he just could not lead me on. During this conversation he asked me to call him next week and was rather demanding about it. I told him i would call him but I ended up not doing it. After that conversation wtih him i was so upset and hurt that all i wanted to do was just let him go and let him live by his decision. During the next week i purposely ignored him, becuase i was hurt by him and I was tired of his crap. About week later he text me saying " if you still want to see that movie as friends i would still like to do that". I did not know what to say to this, so I ignored it. About two days later, he sends me another text that says " I was hoping we could be friends but I guess that is not the case". Still unsure how to respond to this I do not say anything. Well, on friday I sent him a text back that says " when do you want to see the movie". Well he does not answer me, I call him and tell him that I don't want to play games with him, and he gets into how he sent me a text on tuesday and that it is now friday. So we end up going to this movie, and everything went great. We both had a good time. Well while we are back at his house just talking after the movie he says that he wants to kiss me but he does not want to make things awkward between us. BUt before i know it we are hooking up. After that we talk again and he tells me that we had to break up because we had been together for 3 years and that he needed to grow on his own and that he needed time to figure things out. He also stated that he say a really bright future for us, and I accepted what he was saying, and I told him that maybe he should take some time and figure things out. I also stated to him that I did not want him to put other girls or issues surounding other girls in my face, and he responded by saying that he would never do anything like that to me. I call him the following week and we talk and he tells me that when he goes out that he does think about me and that he misses me, but he states that this was hard for him to do and that it is hard for him to stick by it. But he says that he had a great time hanging out and wants to do it again sometime. That friday I again, I was in the same bar as him, however I had not seen him, I had only seen his friends and spoke to all of them. It was not until I was talking to my friend and all of a sudden I feel a tap on my sholder and it is him behind me. It was rather strange how he appeared out of nowhere because I was in a position in the bar where i could see almost everyone in the place and i did not see him anywhere, SO it leads me to believe that maybe he was there looking for me. Anyways, I try and keep the convo short, and i motion for him to sorta move on. Which he does, but later that night i walked past him and he looked at me and acted like he didn't know who i was and that he was mr. social socializing with everyone. So when I am leaving i taped him and said by and he said by and asked if he could have a hug and he stated that he would call me next week. The next night I return to the same bar with some of my friends, there were a lot of people in this bar that night and i saw all of his friends and many of his frat brothers that had all informed me that he was in the bar, and I had infact seen him the bar off in the distance with his friends. As the night progess I had consumed a fair amount of alcohol. I was later talking to one of his friends who is sort of my friend and intruduced my friend to him who was a guy. No more then 20 min later, I turn around and i see my ex in my face trying to hang around while he is holding this girls hand. Mind you i was rather intoxicated at this point, and i told him to please get out of my face with this girl, and he would not leave, and so i started screaming to please leave, and so finally he did. However he did not move that far away. Only about 3 people away just enough so that I could see him talking to this girl. It crushed me to see that, it really did. I burst out into tears, and everyone was trying to calm me down. THe next thing i know this girl is staring at me and i can tell she is talking about me. Which hurt me that he would do that to me. So i get so frustrated that I tell her to stop looking at me, and she responds by laughing at me. So go up to him and try and take him away so that he could hear me out about how much that was bothering me. WEll he starts yelling at me telling me to stop it, so i burst out even more and i started yelling at him, telling him how dumb he is for doing what he is doing, and then again procedes to tell me that we are not together and that we are not getting back together, and that we are just to young to be together right now. He tells me that he finds this girl to be extremly attracked which she wasn't. By the end of this conversation i am just so frustrated at him that i ended up slapping him, which I probably would not have done had I not been about 8 drinks deep. In fact i don't even remember half of the conversation that him and I had. The next day I called him to apologize and he said that he accepted my apology. However I just didn't feel that he really accepted it, I so i called him the following day just to talk, and he said that he needed some time to figure out if we could even have a friendship, he said that he understood that people get drunk and say and do things that they dont mean, and he said that he was sorry if he had hurt me but that he was just talking to that girl, and I infact needed to get use to him talking to other people. THis hurt me to hear this, and how is was being so stand offish really bothered me to, so he said he had nothing more to say to me so he hung up. At this point I think that I have ruined any possible chance of ever getting back together. Which crushes me, because he is the only person that I can see myself with. I am not sure what to do from here, I guess wait for him to contact me. I am so afraid that he is developing relations with this girl that was in the bar, and taht he will never give me a chance because of what happened last weekend. I have never acted like that before ever towards anything, I am so upset at myself. What should I do, I need some advice.
sanne Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 first of all, don't be so hard on yourself. it's tough when we are in emotional situations like that, and I can honestly say I've done a lot of dumb things I really regret. but you can't be too down on yourself for it. the solution to your problems appears to be a simple one the way I see it. at this point, you are not emotionally stable enough to even be in the same room as him, so it would do you some good to keep your distance. a lot of people here recommend doing NC, and I think that would benefit you a lot in this case. give him some real time off to miss you, trust me he will forgive you for what you did, but if you keep bringing things up he's just going to end up resenting you. he said he wanted to grow as a person after all, so let him do just that. you need to be on your own right now so you can heal properly, continual contact with this guy is only going to lead to more heartache.
newdaynewstart Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I have been in a similar situation as yours. I know that it is SO hard what you are going through but you cannot continue to torture yourself. He needs to figure out for himself that he wants to be with you. And if he does not realize this, then it is his loss and that is what was meant to happen with you guys. I did the same thing that you are doing...I kept thinking that by texting him, calling him, running into him at bars, would make him want me back. You are causing yourself WAY too much heartache by being in the same places as him right now. Try the NO CONTACT for a while. He is not going to realize he misses you until you are not there. Make him wonder...and in the meantime go on with your life...do things that make you happy..and if he comes around, it is meant to happen. I promise you things will get better. I was at the stage where you are nine months ago. Since then I have gotten over him, realized so much about myself and how I want to be in a relationship and I even have started dating again. Stay strong...try the NO CONTACT for a while. Let yourself heal...and let him grow up and realize things.
Abracadabra Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Thanks for the advice, i tried the NC for about a week and then he text me, and i ignored him for whole extra week and then he sent me a text that made me feel bad for ignoring him. So basically i caved in. I am just really confused as to what he is trying to do to me. But what about this girl he was parading around the bar??? Was he doing that to try and me upset or do you think that he really has some interest in her and has been seeing here and not telling me??? Could this whole thing be that he is scared about committment or do you think that could of lost interest?
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