Sailynn Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I received a call from my Ex-GF last week and wanted to meet and talk. I put her off for a couple of days, but she insisted, so I met her for coffee. Bottom line: She wants us to become friends and do stuff together and have the fun we used to have and work on better communication. I asked her why now? What was her reason? etc., etc. She just wants to be friends and has requested two boundaries. That we not involve our family right away in our friendship and that I don't speak of the other girls I'm dating. The thing is, I was in love with girl and I have missed her. I want to protect my heart, so, I'm just sitting back for now pondering this whole thing. Something tells me to be very careful.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by Sailynn She just wants to be friends and has requested two boundaries. and that I don't speak of the other girls I'm dating. Listen to your own words.. She doesn't want to be just friends .. I think at this point it's up to you.. Do you want her back ? If you do then the cards are set for that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 That we not involve our family right away in our friendship and that I don't speak of the other girls I'm dating. You should be careful. The "friends" thing is bogus. You may want to ask her point blank what it is she really wants, and why she is pursuing this - and to stop calling it "friends", as anyone who would set the above 'boundaries' has something more than "friends" in mind. It sounds like she is wanting you back, but only on her terms - and this "friends" thing is a way to manipulate you into a relationship that works for her. Question is: do you want her back? If you do, then be right up front about what sort of relationship you want. Spell out your terms clearly, firmly and concisely, and ask her if she can give you that sort of relationship. If she wavers, or gives you the "friends" stuff, or says no - then thank her for her time, and go back to 'no contact'. Consider it a bump in the road to recovery.
Author Sailynn Posted August 2, 2005 Author Posted August 2, 2005 She told me that she missed me and that I was really hard to forget. She further stated that our communication wasn't that good and it needed to be better. I could agree to that. Communication is always something to work on in my mind. I do want her back, but feel like I'm must step carefully and slowly. I've never had a girlfriend come back. Sometimes when I broke up with a girl, I usually never went back or made contact unless I was lonely or sentimental. bit I didn't usually start anything up like she has done.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Part of better communication means cutting through the BS and making it very clear what you need from each other, and from that - determine if a second chance will work. Tell her that you agree that communication is something you two need to work on. Then really communicate. Effective communication isn't pretending to be friends. It is about being open, clear and honest about what you want (and what you don't want) from a relationship. Don't let your desire to be back with her allow you to sacrifice, compromise or suppress your needs.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by Sailynn She told me that she missed me and that I was really hard to forget. I've had this line a few times myself. As fly and Lucrezia note, this means she wants you back. Sometimes re-established contact really is just about being friends, but I don't think it's the case here. I do want her back, but feel like I'm must step carefully and slowly. I've never had a girlfriend come back. Be careful. Lucrezia's approach is good, although I would dribble it out somehow - otherwise it would destroy the potential romance IMO.
Beachgrl486 Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 It is really hard to be friends with someone after you dated. I have had it happen once and only because we were both totally over eachother. I had no feelings for him and he had none for me. We actually would talk about our new relationships together and it was honestly cool. With feelings still there it is just not going to turn out good and "just friends" wont happen and it will just make you regress with the whole break up.
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