Lorenza Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Hi guys, I wonder how do you usually do with those you weren't particularly interested in after the first date - if it's a relatively nice and reasonable person, do you go on a second date anyway? To see if interest might appear? I'm usually the one who thinks she knows immediately, if things can further or not, so I wouldn't normally go on a second date if I didn't feel hooked from the very first one. But since my choices were quite poor in the past, I'm trying to think outside the box (and my family, who's more interested in my dating life than I am myself advice me not to make rash desicions aka attraction might grow). What do you think?
Shining One Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Personally, it always depended on how many other prospects I had available at the time. When I was younger and dated only one woman at a time, I would always try a second date and possibly more. After I started multi-dating, I stopped going for that second date if I had someone else lined up. 1
Author Lorenza Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Personally, it always depended on how many other prospects I had available at the time. When I was younger and dated only one woman at a time, I would always try a second date and possibly more. After I started multi-dating, I stopped going for that second date if I had someone else lined up. So the bigger the demand, the less second chances for those who don't cut it from the first try?
CptInsano Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I'm usually the one who thinks she knows immediately, if things can further or not, so I wouldn't normally go on a second date if I didn't feel hooked from the very first one. But since my choices were quite poor in the past, I'm trying to think outside the box (and my family, who's more interested in my dating life than I am myself advice me not to make rash desicions aka attraction might grow). First dates are notoriously awkward. People are nervous, try to impress, or are otherwise out of it. I use the first date to determine if the woman is who she claims she is, and whether a certain amount of physical attraction is there. If these criteria are met, I assume that I haven't met the real person yet, and the second date is the deciding one, if she agrees to it. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 If there was some chemistry -- meaning I thought the person was hot / interesting -- I'd go on a 2nd date even if the 1st date wasn't amazing. If I couldn't imagine kissing the person, let alone doing anything else, there would be no 2nd date. 2
Author Lorenza Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 First dates are notoriously awkward. People are nervous, try to impress, or are otherwise out of it. I use the first date to determine if the woman is who she claims she is, and whether a certain amount of physical attraction is there. If these criteria are met, I assume that I haven't met the real person yet, and the second date is the deciding one, if she agrees to it. Awkwardness usually doesn't turn me off but I recently went on a date with a guy who kept talking about his cold (in great detail), sensitivity to certain products, sensitivity to sun, that one time something made him throw up. I know some people get nervous and that makes them talk nonsense, but this was just gross. Otherwise he was a real gentleman, opening car doors, drove me home, seemed kind, quite handsome and showed great interest. Everyone tries to talk me into going on a second date with him 1
CptCodi Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I say trust your guy after the first date. If you guys didn't click naturally, it may be a good sign that you shouldn't try and force anything. However, some people can be extremely nervous or awkward meaning they may not be their true selves on a first date. 1
Titanll Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I'm much of the school of thought that attraction isn't going to grow if there isn't enough initially there to begin with. I mean you meet someone and then go on a date. There is enough attraction to set up and go on the date but if the date goes horribly, I could care less if the person has a case of the jitters or not, I won't be going on a second date. Me personally, I didn't date with friendship or anything casual in mind. I was looking for a long term relationship and it was important for me to not compromise. Compromise, in my opinion, does nothing for either party. I never had the mindset of "missing" the one because I didn't give them a second chance. I swung for the fence every time and finally knocked one out of the park. 2
Author Lorenza Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Now when I think about it, I have never really felt the attraction from the very first date. My mind always plays the "find 10 things wrong with this picture" game. Even if I tell myself it's wrong and I shouldn't be petty for I'm not supermodel with a character of an angel myself. But nevertheless I will find wrongs in everyone, since I have it kinda hard getting used to new people in my sight. And I'm become more and more picky. So maybe I miss out on dismissing those guys? Or do you think I will definitely know by 100% when I meet the right guy? Btw I'm in no hurry to find Mr Right , just pondering upon this. I'll gladly stay on my own if no one awesome comes along. 1
Titanll Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Now when I think about it, I have never really felt the attraction from the very first date. My mind always plays the "find 10 things wrong with this picture" game. Even if I tell myself it's wrong and I shouldn't be petty for I'm not supermodel with a character of an angel myself. But nevertheless I will find wrongs in everyone, since I have it kinda hard getting used to new people in my sight. And I'm become more and more picky. So maybe I miss out on dismissing those guys? Or do you think I will definitely know by 100% when I meet the right guy? Btw I'm in no hurry to find Mr Right , just pondering upon this. I'll gladly stay on my own if no one awesome comes along. You sound to me like one of the most "relationship" intelligent people here. I doubt that you miss out on anything by dismissing anyone that you aren't 100% positive about. There is nothing petty about not settling as much as some people will try to tell you otherwise. You are the only person that knows what is right for you. Yes, I believe that you will be sure when you meet the right guy. I mean, think about it. Who would want to be in a relationship where to other person "settled"? I hope my girlfriend was as "picky" as I was.
Author Lorenza Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 I mean, think about it. Who would want to be in a relationship where to other person "settled"? I hope my girlfriend was as "picky" as I was. Ah, I know what you mean. Went out with some guy who said he's been swiping right on every girl on Tinder cause he's not picky. Then added he was glad I was one of those few girls who swiped back. That certainly rubbed me the wrong way, haha. Yeah, probably we owe being picky to both ourselves and to our future partners... 1
todreaminblue Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I otn multi dat eso a second date is normallygiven unless seriosu disresepct was what was had ont eh first....attraction grows as you know someone to me a first date isnt enough to gauge a persons metal(what and who he is, what he stands for...).......deb 1
act00 Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I think that if the date went relatively well, a second date is worth the effort. There may be some where it's a very clear no, but I also think that in the due to nervousness, things may not play out as well, and things might be more relaxed with a second date. 2
preraph Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Him talking about his cold in detail is a kind of immature thing to do. If you found you liked him otherwise, you could start to tell him when something was too gross and he shouldn't be talking about it. Show him some boundaries.
Author Lorenza Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 Him talking about his cold in detail is a kind of immature thing to do. If you found you liked him otherwise, you could start to tell him when something was too gross and he shouldn't be talking about it. Show him some boundaries. Yes, it was weird, but it might have something to do with him being a doctor since he didn't strike me as someone immature I did tell him "ok ok tmi!!" but it was too late, once I'm grossed out I can't go back
Author Lorenza Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 I think that if the date went relatively well, a second date is worth the effort. There may be some where it's a very clear no, but I also think that in the due to nervousness, things may not play out as well, and things might be more relaxed with a second date. I agreed to go on a second date with a guy I had a great time with a couple of days ago. Was thinking the exact thing you wrote - we laughed and had great conversation, maybe it's worth it to go on a second date even though I felt no attraction whatsoever (he did feel it a lot though). I'm usually quick to dismiss guys for the smallest of reasons, but trying to be more reasonable 1
todreaminblue Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I agreed to go on a second date with a guy I had a great time with a couple of days ago. Was thinking the exact thing you wrote - we laughed and had great conversation, maybe it's worth it to go on a second date even though I felt no attraction whatsoever (he did feel it a lot though). I'm usually quick to dismiss guys for the smallest of reasons, but trying to be more reasonable i think being more reasonable is a really good way to approach dating...i wish you much luck....i feel you made the right decision by deciding to give him a go....deb 1
Author Lorenza Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 More opinions anyone? Giving more chances to good guys you didn't any chemistry for? Or letting the first date be the judge of it?
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Giving more chances to good guys you didn't any chemistry for? Or letting the first date be the judge of it? You don't have to post the answers to my Qs, but you better know the answers. How important is chemistry to you? It is very important to me. When I tried OLD I went on 1 date each with 2 different guys I had no chemistry with. Both were bad dates. Nobody was nervous per say, at least no more then any time you do anything for the 1st time but the thought of kissing this guys repelled me. Both were perfectly nice men, with good jobs, very intelligent, decent people. I just didn't find them attractive. I stopped doing OLD after that. What kind of guys do you normally go for? If your picker is generally off & you gravitate toward inappropriate men, do consider a 2nd date with these good guys. If you are rejecting them for the wrong reasons try to change your behavior. I always had great instincts about men. I consistently picked the good guys. As a teen I tried to break my mold & date the bad boy rocker. Turns out the guitar playing was a hobby & a persona. He was really a 4.0 double major & begged me not to tell people he was smart because it wasn't cool. I was 17; he was 19 don't judge. In my 20s I ended up at some awful party with a lot of drugs. I kept trying to leave but my BFF wanted to stay to spend time with some loser guy. The guy I was talking to & ended up dating was the undercover cop there to bust the party. One of my BFFs knew she had a lousy picker. So one day she decided that the next time she saw guy who really made her motor run, she's talk to his friends. She did that & has been married to the "friend" for 15 years. The hot guy's life is still a mess. So look at your own picker & determine if these good guys are simply duds or if it's time for you to revamp your criteria.
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