e111s Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Me and my gf of 5 years split up around 2 months ago as she thought I changed as a person and treated her poorly. I will admit that I did change, I lost my granddad and was grieving (no excuse I know, but it's the underlying reason) and I pushed her away. We have had little contact in the last couple of months however started talking more regularly since the weekend. I saw her at her new place on Sunday night and we had a really good chat, good laugh etc. just like the old days! She then got very upset and was crying a lot (I really wanted to hug her but I was scared of the reaction). She admitted that she regretted some of her decisions and kept saying that things have gone too far, there is no going back. We said our goodbyes and that was it. The following night out of the blue I received a text from her saying how sorry she was, that it didn't change anything but wanted me to know she was sorry. I drove straight to her house, hugged her on her doorstep and told her it will be ok, she was crying and squeezing me tighter. Again I left on a positive note. The following morning she told me she had paid me some money that she owed me (she had refused to pay it to me before) and so I thanked her and asked to meet with her again at some point, she suggested that night to which I agreed. I went to hers again and it was much like the Sunday night, good talking, good laughing, signs that reconciliation could be beginning...however we started arguing over the breakup and how we have acted since, it wasn't good. I knew that the argument was going no where so left. When I got home I text her thanking her for having me round and apologised that was how the night ended, she also apologised but said she has her reasons to act how she is acting (She is putting a front up which annoyed me as I could see straight through it). I then asked her what she wanted from me, she replied with "Nothing (name) x". I text her this morning saying that we only seem to argue about a certain topic, and acknowledged that its not for me to know her reasons and wished her a good day. I've had no response (I didn't expect one), but I fear that the argument has just ruined any chance of reconciliation. She stands by "Gone too far" or "No way back", yet her actions seem so different. I believe that she does love me, does regret her decisions, has realised that I had reasons why I changed, acknowledged that since the breakup I have become the person she wanted me to be...so why not try again? She mentioned that my family now hated her (I will admit there not pleased with her actions but just want to see me happy), and that "she couldn't win over my sisters again", is this what is holding her back? She is a very sensitive girl and I worry that she is worried about what people think of her, what my family think of her etc. How can I assure her that all of that is okay, as I know it would be? Thanks
PegNosePete Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I fear that the argument has just ruined any chance of reconciliation. No I don't think so. I don't think there was much chance of that in the first place, sorry. She has never faltered in her decision. She cried and laughed and apologised and talked, but never once said she wants to try again. You've been reading into the signs but you're just seeing what you want to see. In fact quite the opposite, she has confirmed several times that her decision is the right one for her. "she couldn't win over my sisters again", is this what is holding her back? No this is just a convenient excuse to let you down gently. She thinks looking for a good, logical reason makes it easier for you to handle but the fact is she simply doesn't want you back. If she did then she would say to hell with what your family thinks I want to try again. But she didn't.
Maldives Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 I'm not sure myself but wat they definatly are are mixed signals . The reason breaks up are not the way to fix underlying issues are the break up itself causes so much pain and it becomes even harder to work out the initial issues. Suddenly ur dealing wth hurt feelings mixed signals trust issues it's hard to com back from. The fact u have to walk on eggshells or its over demonstrates that the foundation has weakened significantly and that's what break ups do crumble away the foundation that was there before. Anyway kwept us posted no wrong or right just down to wat u can handle or how ur gonna feel if it doesn't work out afterwards
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 You guys were together for 5 years according to your 1st thread. She was only 18 when you started. 7 months ago, last October you bought a house together. This seems to be roughly one month after your grandfather died. His death upset you & you see it as the beginning of the downward spiral causing the end of your relationship because in your grief you pushed your GF away. Then she went on a holiday & cheated on you. Plus she was upset because she bombed some exams. You are talking again & want to know what to do next. If you want to reconcile you need to talk about what went wrong. No it wasn't your grief. I was upset & pulled away from my husband for almost 4 years while I dealt with my parents' deaths. He supported me. He loved me. He didn't cheat on me so your behavior is no excuse for her actions. You can't fix this without a lot of hard work. You talk about previously intending to start a family by the end of the year. No offense but what is about you two that you do things backwards. The conventional order is marriage, a house then kids. Locking your economic lives together without benefit of marriage seems unwise to me. Please do not bring children into this until you clean up the mess & address the heart of your problems. I suggest you get relationship counseling. At your GF's young age . . . you & the relationship consumed what should have been her college years, the reality of the house, the daunting thought of kids & the feeling of permanence tied to a depressed partner got to her. When she had the chance to be wild & free she took it because she'd never experienced that before. If you get back together your family needs to follow your lead. If you forgive her & love her, they have to accept your decision & not punish her for this part of your relationship. If they can't do that, you have to stick up for her & put some distance between you / her & them If you are going to end things, buy her out of the house & be done with it.
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