Would this be a personal deal breaker for you?

May 18, 2017

Recently met this cool new girl. Text a lot and have met up once. Meeting a second time this weekend. I do have a concern though... and I hate to judge people based on what they do, but money is a legitimate concern in any (long term) relationship.

She's in her mid-late 20s and she's a barista. Obviously it's poor tact to ask someone this early in the dating stages how much they make... but I know baristas make on average a measly $10 per hour. This concerns me. I have nothing against baristas. I'm sure they're great people. But dating a barista past the age of 22? That brings up a yellow flag at the very least. My first meeting went off great, but my mind is telling me maybe this is a no go. As for what she wants to do, her dream is something rather ambitious. She wants to open a business, but at her age and having worked the jobs she has worked, I don't think she has a lot in her bank. So she's coming off to me as a bit of a dreamer. I hate to judge people but maybe she doesn't have her stuff together like the average regular adult in their mid-late 20s? I really like her but this is a moderate concern of mine to say the very least. However, I don't want to be that jerk who tells her "Hey, how much money do you have in your savings?"

I love my dreamers, but more as friends than lovers and partners. For someone her age, I would want them to work a more stable, professional career. It concerns me that she's a barista at her age. Seems like a job for someone in college. Again, feel free to educate me if I'm wrong here or being (overly) judgmental. But perhaps this is why she is single? She's pretty cute and usually girls like her don't last long on the market. Wondering if she has some "adult issues" (i.e. as I said she comes off to me as something of a dreamer) which has prevented her from sustaining a long term relationship. While I do value someone who is a kid at heart, that doesn't mean I want them to be a womanchild. Still too early to tell with this one, but that's what I'm kind of getting the sense at this early juncture. Hopefully after date #2 I will be able to better feel things out.

Part of my other fear is that I'm using this as a cop out if we really are a good match and I just want to stick to my safe single lifestyle and routines.

Thoughts? Would you consider seriously dating someone who is a barista in their mid late 20s with no concrete future career plan outside of a pipe-ish dream that they may not even have the funds for?

Or is it just "date her if you match well and the rest will end up taking care of itself" ?

And how do I dig or bring this topic up delicately and gently as a point of concern while not insulting her or making her feel belittled? Such a tricky situation...

Life is not a contest, or a competition.

Benchmarks to see who has accomplished what in terms of career progression and salary are dumb.

It's pretty funny to me when you say that you don't want to be a jerk or judge people ... but you are doing it.

It's pretty simple. Maybe you want to go to the movies and bars and go travel a couple of times a year, and you don't feel like pulling out your credit card for two people everywhere you go. That's fine. Go date someone who will help you pay ... and say that. Done. Finished. Over.

But you have to go on and judge other people as being 'less than adults' and a womanchild. Doesn't matter if they work at Walmart making $9 an hour at age 55. Maybe they want to do that. Who are you to think you are more of an adult than they are? Makes you sound like a j@ckass. And I'm aware that a lot of people think like you. Maybe even most people. They're j@ackasses too. What if that was your mom working at Home Depot and some little yuppie came in to buy paint and thought in the back of his head what a loser she was?

It also doesn't matter if you're joking. If you're joking, that's how you really feel.

Ok, I'm done. Lol.

Edited May 18, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

May 18, 2017

I feel like some posters here read too much into my message. I am not saying she's a womanchild, simply opening up to express potential concerns. All that is yet to be determined. I am a long term kind of guy. Yes, we've only met once (with a date forthcoming this weekend) but I'm not the type to just be like "Wee, this is fun. Live in the moment, wee." I like to see the big picture and start to figure out if this would be a good match long term.

Like I said, I like her. I want to see her again. But I am a little concerned about her level of ambition, what her purpose is, all that stuff. I know it doesn't come out in the first two meetings/dates but that's just how my brain works. But for those who call me a jerk, I know what I want and I have *never* cheated on a woman in my life. Once I commit, I am extremely loyal and faithful, and I'll fight for the relationship to flourish until it's clear it's best if both parties move on.

May 18, 2017

I feel like some posters here read too much into my message. I am not saying she's a womanchild, simply opening up to express potential concerns. All that is yet to be determined. I am a long term kind of guy. Yes, we've only met once (with a date forthcoming this weekend) but I'm not the type to just be like "Wee, this is fun. Live in the moment, wee." I like to see the big picture and start to figure out if this would be a good match long term.

Like I said, I like her. I want to see her again. But I am a little concerned about her level of ambition, what her purpose is, all that stuff. I know it doesn't come out in the first two meetings/dates but that's just how my brain works. But for those who call me a jerk, I know what I want and I have *never* cheated on a woman in my life. Once I commit, I am extremely loyal and faithful, and I'll fight for the relationship to flourish until it's clear it's best if both parties move on.

You're not a jerk AT ALL. The thoughts you're having are reasonable and practical. You may find that you like her so much, you're willing to not care much about the job/ambition, etc. Or, you may find that you just don't want to settle for someone who isn't as ambitious, educated, or career-oriented as you are. Either way is totally fine and says nothing negative about you! Just feel it out and know that if you decide not to continue because of these concerns, that is totally reasonable.

May 18, 2017

You're not a jerk AT ALL. The thoughts you're having are reasonable and practical. You may find that you like her so much, you're willing to not care much about the job/ambition, etc. Or, you may find that you just don't want to settle for someone who isn't as ambitious, educated, or career-oriented as you are. Either way is totally fine and says nothing negative about you! Just feel it out and know that if you decide not to continue because of these concerns, that is totally reasonable.

Thanks! I was shocked by the number of posters calling my concerns this and that. Comments like I don't deserve her and the like came off as unecessarily harsh when they have no clue who I am or what I am about.

Thank you for your nice words, starry!

May 18, 2017

Personally...

I would be happy to date someone who doesn't make much, with a few caveats.

- they live within their means

- they don't have debts or financial problems or live off credit cards close to their limit

- they have at least a little left at the end of the month to put away into savings

- they can pull their weight in the finances of our dating

Of course I wouldn't expect to be taken to 5 star restaurants, but after I pay for the first few dates, taking turns is only fair. There's plenty of low cost activities out there and I'd have no issue with that. If she was constantly complaining of being broke, or expected me to always pay, or cancelled dates because of moneylessness, then it would be a problem for me. The inability to manage finance is MUCH more of a problem than low income.

So I say give her a chance. Find out how well she manages her income and whether she has money problems or not. It's quite possible to live a good and happy life on low income as long as you are good at managing it, don't drink or gamble it all away or spend it all on designer handbags or whatever.

May 18, 2017

What?? No sane person leaps from one date straight to being deeply invested.

What about all the in between time when you get to know a person and figure out IF you want to be deeply invested? There's nothing wrong with the OP wanting to know a bit more about her before making a decision.

I am at loss as to what you are arguing here. My comment is simple....you don't wait until you are too invested to find out about someone's financial situation. Do that comfortably before...I agree with you. My comment does, in no way, is contrary to your suggestion.

May 18, 2017

Yes, this would be a concern for me but I wouldn't call anything off after one date, especially if you've hit it off. It would be a red-flag for me if her employment seemed to be indicative of poor pattern of behavior that was keeping her in menial positions (legal issues, a bad work ethic, etc..). She may have other aspirations outside of opening her own business and you just don't know at this point. I'm not looking for anyone to support me but I do want to be with someone who has a career or at least a career path in mind.

The last woman I dated seriously was in her late twenties and had a dead-end job. She wanted to go to college but she knew that getting a degree involving her primary interests (painting/sculpting) could end up driving her into debt without a decent job. We clicked and had a pretty good relationship but she would complain about her job pretty continually. And, the hours that she was working was making it difficult for us to spend time together. She was also living pay-check to pay-check, money was always and issue and it was kind of emotionally draining. She talked about going to nursing school as she worked in a hospital setting. I finally suggested (tactfully) that she make a change if she was so miserable in her job. I suggested that she look into nursing school as she had mentioned it before. We had a little fight over it as she felt I was judging her but she ended up enrolling in school within a few weeks. She'll be on track to graduate by next December.

May 18, 2017

I don't know, I'm of two minds on this topic, but lean to accept the OPs concerns are valid. It's nice to think love, unicorns and rainbows, if you are a free spirit, but not every relationship can survive on that, unless both partners are on some very good weed all the time.

While your partner's income shouldn't matter if it's the right person, is it really the right person if what floats your boat is someone that can match you in areas related to personal development (not money per se)?

On the other hand, financial problems are really really significant reasons for tension and relationship failure. So unless you make a LOT of money, when it doesn't really matter, if one doesn't seem to pull his or her weight and the family is financially strapped, it's going to take a toll on the marriage. Resentments accumulate.

Also, for a man especially, a woman who makes a good income is less risk if you marry her and a divorce happens. As far as laws are concerned often the person who doesn't make money, or makes very little can take a lot from you, while a partner that makes good money/enough to support themselves doesn't get awarded hefty sums in a divorce, beyond the division of what's owned. And even that, if you perceive that whatever you accumulated in a marriage was mainly through your effort and the spouse was just not doing much, even the 50/50 division of property doesn't seem fair in some situations. So for a man is better to have a spouse that makes sufficient income and is ambitious enough so they won't be desperate and HAVE to take you for everything you have and some more. Divorce laws favor those who work and/or make less, we say back home in my home country. "God builds a nest for the the one legged crane".

If the genders were reversed it would be even worse, because there would be additional issues related to the male ego and all kinds of stuff. So yeah, probably is better that everyone dates within their own level of ambition/drive. Unless you are a man who really enjoys being the total provider and enjoys a lot the level of power and control that comes with that position. It is risky but there are prenups for that situation.

May 18, 2017

I'd like to bring a metaphore...

I'm an artist. In the art business there's always a dilemma: (films, music...). Should I create a thing that I think the audience will like, or should I follow my abstract guts, and risking publicity and success if I follow my guts

Many artists (especially the ones you hear about) choose to go with the market. Others choose to be honest with them selves and create things without the popularity consideration. I experienced this and that and many watched others... and I can tell you only this:

If you're trying to get success, maybe you will succeed maybe not, but you get the misery for sure.

If you're honest with yourself, maybe you will succeed maybe not, but you earn your soul for sure.

I think your attempt to predict your future based on her job and money, is not so reliable at this stage. You have no real chance to predict. So why not letting your guts to lead you? When I met my wife I almost had no money for food. (I was 27). Now believe me, I earn A LOT. If my wife would have been thinking like you... :-)

May 18, 2017

I really don't care per se about money but after going through a divorce where I supported a guy, I worry about being put in the same situation again. It might be worth another date to get more of the story but if you're looking long-term I don't think you'r wrong to look at how well she manages her budget in your criteria.

May 18, 2017

I feel like some posters here read too much into my message. I am not saying she's a womanchild, simply opening up to express potential concerns. All that is yet to be determined. I am a long term kind of guy. Yes, we've only met once (with a date forthcoming this weekend) but I'm not the type to just be like "Wee, this is fun. Live in the moment, wee." I like to see the big picture and start to figure out if this would be a good match long term.

Like I said, I like her. I want to see her again. But I am a little concerned about her level of ambition, what her purpose is, all that stuff. I know it doesn't come out in the first two meetings/dates but that's just how my brain works. But for those who call me a jerk, I know what I want and I have *never* cheated on a woman in my life. Once I commit, I am extremely loyal and faithful, and I'll fight for the relationship to flourish until it's clear it's best if both parties move on.

You did say it though. It is in your post. Verbatim.

Look. I may have laid it on a bit harshly and singled you out. And make no mistake. I'm well aware of how society works and how people judge success based on income and how 75% or more people think someone who makes $10/hr at age 28 (let alone 55) is a loser. So, if anything I am the outlier, not you.

But in my opinion, it's worth doing some introspection and throwing away or at least cutting down on that 'totem pole' mentality.

And again, I know that world well. I know people who used to say so and so was a loser if you graduated with a degree from Lehigh or Bucknell. Those are pretty good schools! Or at least they used to think that way. People do get less judgemental as they get older.

Edited May 18, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

May 18, 2017

Recently met this cool new girl. Text a lot and have met up once. Meeting a second time this weekend. I do have a concern though... and I hate to judge people based on what they do, but money is a legitimate concern in any (long term) relationship.

She's in her mid-late 20s and she's a barista. Obviously it's poor tact to ask someone this early in the dating stages how much they make... but I know baristas make on average a measly $10 per hour. This concerns me. I have nothing against baristas. I'm sure they're great people. But dating a barista past the age of 22? That brings up a yellow flag at the very least. My first meeting went off great, but my mind is telling me maybe this is a no go. As for what she wants to do, her dream is something rather ambitious. She wants to open a business, but at her age and having worked the jobs she has worked, I don't think she has a lot in her bank. So she's coming off to me as a bit of a dreamer. I hate to judge people but maybe she doesn't have her stuff together like the average regular adult in their mid-late 20s? I really like her but this is a moderate concern of mine to say the very least. However, I don't want to be that jerk who tells her "Hey, how much money do you have in your savings?"

I love my dreamers, but more as friends than lovers and partners. For someone her age, I would want them to work a more stable, professional career. It concerns me that she's a barista at her age. Seems like a job for someone in college. Again, feel free to educate me if I'm wrong here or being (overly) judgmental. But perhaps this is why she is single? She's pretty cute and usually girls like her don't last long on the market. Wondering if she has some "adult issues" (i.e. as I said she comes off to me as something of a dreamer) which has prevented her from sustaining a long term relationship. While I do value someone who is a kid at heart, that doesn't mean I want them to be a womanchild. Still too early to tell with this one, but that's what I'm kind of getting the sense at this early juncture. Hopefully after date #2 I will be able to better feel things out.

Part of my other fear is that I'm using this as a cop out if we really are a good match and I just want to stick to my safe single lifestyle and routines.

Thoughts? Would you consider seriously dating someone who is a barista in their mid late 20s with no concrete future career plan outside of a pipe-ish dream that they may not even have the funds for?

Or is it just "date her if you match well and the rest will end up taking care of itself" ?

And how do I dig or bring this topic up delicately and gently as a point of concern while not insulting her or making her feel belittled? Such a tricky situation...

I'd say don't overthink this. Is she a nice person? Is she fun to be with? Only you can decide if someone's earning potential and 'drive' in life is going to leave you wanting more and/or feel as though something is missing. Are you looking for someone who is more like "partner" status? If so, you may not be happy with a barista....maybe you want someone who is more of an intellectual? I don't know, because I don't know you.

I think perhaps more important is this: Is she a happy person being a barista? Sure there are many women who have high paid jobs and higher status careers, but are they all happy? Or, are they stressed out all the time because of their high pressured jobs?

Many people have this picture in their heads of what is *glamorous* and what not. But many of those glamorous professions are not always what they appear to be and there is a cost that is paid; sometimes paid dearly for. I think more important than the dollar amount is whether or not a person has job satisfaction.

Then again, is she going to be unhappy as a barista and carry an inferiority complex because she isn't more "successful" in the career sense?

May 18, 2017

Since the discussion has broadened a bit, anyone that's worried about their SOs earnings want to chime in about a stay at home parent? Is that grounds for divorce? Finances are irrelevant in my relationship. And to the guy that married a non intellectual, was it a shotgun wedding?
And someone said that they didn't want to get screwed financially if the relationship ends, is this something that comes up conversations with your potential SOs?

My wife is a stay at home parent and has been for many years. But part of the reason we are able to make that arrangement work, is that she made okay money during her early working years, and we were able to buy a house, pay off school debt and position ourselves to the point financially where she can stay home.

May 18, 2017

Since the discussion has broadened a bit, anyone that's worried about their SOs earnings want to chime in about a stay at home parent? Is that grounds for divorce?

Considering I've had a vasectomy, yes, this would be grounds for divorce.

And someone said that they didn't want to get screwed financially if the relationship ends, is this something that comes up conversations with your potential SOs?

Yes, but I don't use the words "screwed financially" when discussing it.

May 18, 2017

Thinking wayyyy back, I took a girl out on a date, I met up with her after work. It was an ok date, but when I drove her home, we pulled up to her Section 8a subsidized housing apartment complex, and I walked vandalized halls more akin to a warzone than suburbia, into the "comfort" of her dirty and quite untidy little one-room hovel. It was a total turn-off.

Now, of course, that's not always going to be the case, but the difference in terms of how we lived was striking. Low income, in this case, had a lot of other negative companions tagging along. Fairly or unfairly, I made the association at once.

You might do yourself a favor to see where and how she lives. That might end the discussion for you right then and there.

May 18, 2017

Considering I've had a vasectomy, yes, this would be grounds for divorce.Yes, but I don't use the words "screwed financially" when discussing it.

Haha! Got ya on the vasectomy!

May 18, 2017

You might do yourself a favor to see where and how she lives. That might end the discussion for you right then and there.

She's renting out a room with a family (not her blood family). We talked recently and she told me money is an issue and that she'd classify herself as lower middle. She offered this information freely as she was very forthcoming with her flaws yesterday and told me "I just want you to know all this before we get any closer..."

I certainly appreciated her open honesty and am proceeding until I hit a red flag. Again, this was info she all offered freely without my asking for it. She just started texting me some information about herself and said "You should probably know this about me before this goes any further."

May 18, 2017

hey cool joe,

you have your personal requirements they involve finances.....you want a certain liefstyle and expect certain things froma partner....adn thats yours to decide no one else....

personally dont like rich guys.....dont like to date them dont want to be with them...i dont have any savings im a poet a writer.....and im altruistic.... and would like to make money in the creative field.....i have a high iq often worked low end jobs factory work etc..factory employers havent wanted to emply me....over qualified.....i convince them too.......when i work i prefer working to live rather than living to work.....

the thing is i will have family money one day one of my kids could kill me for it quite happily at the moment....if he knew....eh resents the hell ou tof me for nto havign enough money for me to buy him a car when he was a teen....i have always been a stay at home mum.........he hates me....loves me but hates me....

money isnt important to me other than to keep a roof and food on the table and enough to help my kids....which i never seem to have enough of....

rich guys in the past for me show entitlement and an arrogance i cant put up with.....they expect....often and on their terms...so my preference is to veto entitled guys who expect certain standards and idolized money from the get go.....and a disdain for people who dont hold the same view of money as them or as much money as them....they treat them like lesser people to be used for their own purposes and discarded......met quite a few while escorting...and i earned a crap load of cash..unhappiest i have ever been....in my entire life....

you have a right to your preference but what does come acroos is your judgement ...like me ...you judge.....but i guess in the long run choosing a partner is a judgement...isnt it...i have to watch that i dont hold people with money to faults of others and be repulsed by them......i feel maybe you shouldnt judge people who dont have your drive either you doont really know what that womans situation is....deb

Edited May 19, 2017 by todreaminblue

May 19, 2017

She's renting out a room with a family (not her blood family). We talked recently and she told me money is an issue and that she'd classify herself as lower middle. She offered this information freely as she was very forthcoming with her flaws yesterday and told me "I just want you to know all this before we get any closer..."

I certainly appreciated her open honesty and am proceeding until I hit a red flag. Again, this was info she all offered freely without my asking for it. She just started texting me some information about herself and said "You should probably know this about me before this goes any further."

In other words, yellow flag!

Everybody starts somewhere, and that is not within their control. When I started my first business, I had to live in my car for a while. Rent was cheap! cheap! cheap! I could save! save! save! and I continued to earn! earn! earn! But I couldn't bring women back to my place, and it affected the nature of my dating for the couple months I did it. Most women have the same reservations that you do. I don't blame them.

For me, today's income would not be the issue. The path she's on would be my issue. The ambition, the plans, the effort, the collegial respect for her work, etc. The satisfaction with her current "lower middle" situation would be my issue. The steps already taken and being taken to alleviate money being an issue would be my issue. What path is she on? That's what I'd want to know. The barista job at 27-ish is a leading indicator.

This is because whatever lifestyle we're willing to accept betrays a state of mind, and what your attitude about your current situation is dictates a lot about where you'll end up unless somebody comes to your rescue. It's all relative too. An uber-rich hottie might find me attractive, but I'd never make enough money to keep her. Just a fact of life you have to accept.

May 19, 2017

You mention mid to late twenties, meanwhile she's 22. She's basically just entered her twenties, and has time to get a career going. I don't think most early twenties people are in an established career making six figures, and in today's climate, THAT is an unrealistic thing to think she should have.

If she has goals of owning her own business, why are you so quick to dump on her and call her a "dreamer"? You've been on what, one date? How do you know what her finances are, and what she's capable of?

What would be a red flag for me is if I went on a date with someone who said they were perfectly fine working a dead-end, low wage job, who had zero career aspirations and was doing nothing to move ahead in life.

After one date, I really don't even think you know this person enough to warrant your critical judgment.

May 19, 2017

".....you should probably know this about me before this goes any farther...."

On the one hand ya gotta have respect for someone just being upfront about stuff. But on the other hand a person shouldn't feel like they have to make disclaimers about their basic character. And yes, what she does for a living is part of her basic character. I mean, ideally we don't carry apologies in our pockets for who we are if we are living in true liberty. We just are. Take it or leave it. Is this a bad attitude on my part for feeling this way?

May 19, 2017

Mid to late 20s as a barista isn't bad at all. I've known a lot of people who did that to make some money while going to school.

If she was mid to late 30s as a barista, then I would question her ambition and work ethic. For what I value career-wise in a partner, it would be a turn off for me if she was 38 (for example) and a barista as her full time career. I've dated women who turned out to lack ambition, and for my preference it was a big part of the relationships not working.

In this day and age, if you live in a larger metropolitan area (as I do) its hard to survive on a solo income in a relationship unless one person has a REALLY good job. So for me to have to accommodate an "alternative" career choice in a partner would be difficult at my age (late 20s).

May 19, 2017

This:

She's in her mid-late 20s and she's a barista. Obviously it's poor tact to ask someone this early in the dating stages how much they make... but I know baristas make on average a measly $10 per hour. This concerns me. I have nothing against baristas. I'm sure they're great people. But dating a barista past the age of 22?

does not mean that:

You mention mid to late twenties, meanwhile she's 22. She's basically just entered her twenties

-- not even close.

May 19, 2017

Yeah, I never said she was 22, lol. Not sure where that poster got that info from. I clearly state in my first post that she's in her mid-late 20s. To be more accurate, she's 27.

We texted more today and thankfully, today was more enjoyable. We had some banter and the "heavy talks" were put off the table. I enjoyed that a lot more i.e. getting to know her process. We seem to gel well. I really am giving her/this a chance. Otherwise I would have bolted a lot sooner. She seems like someone I can really get along with and build something lasting and meaningful with. I just wished her financial end was a little stronger, but it's not the end of the world or a deal breaker for me. If we're truly compatible and kindred spirits, then there's a lot I can and am willing to overlook. The only thing I wish for is that she is working toward her opening a business dream rather than simply dreaming about it while being a barista. And that she's not clingy or (overly) needy. She seems to be on the needy scale, but nothing yet that has pushed me away. We've been connecting quite well the past few days.

She's been cheated on and guys have taken advantage of her. She has a lot of emotional scars. But she told me I seem like a genuinely great guy and she hopes this continues to go well. She does appear to be a bit insecure, which I can understand given her past history. For example, she texted me after our first meeting "I guess I wanted to ask you... am I how you thought I would be?"

And yesterday after revealing to me her icky past issues, she said "I'm almost scared to think what your thoughts on me now are..."

to which I reassured her that I believe we connected for a reason and that I'm glad we connected. However this turns out, I'm enjoying the process and getting to know each other better.

Today we exchanged last names and birth dates. More "pillow talk" ensued and it was really nice. The thing I noticed with her compared to my previous dates is how well we click and get each other. From humor to points of view to thought process, it's like we are kindred spirits. The money thing seems to be the biggest difference however, but like I said, it's more of a yellow flag than a red flag or a deal breaker. I'm amazed by how talking with her the time just flies by. Whereas with some girls talking to them is like pulling teeth. Perhaps she and I are just a good match? Whatever the case may be, I'm looking forward to our date this weekend and getting to know her more. I really hope she isn't crazy crazy. I can handle a little neediness and "normal crazy." Please just don't be crazy crazy, and I'm good!

crazy crazy to me is when the girl is being treated well/right yet she goes out of her way to create drama or blast me for not doing enough. Had those traits in exes before and I'm done with that business. A girl who has emotional scars and is insecure? As long as she's not doubtful of my faith (I've never cheated before and don't ever plan to cheat; I find it really dishonorable) to her and getting all bent out of shape for no reason, then I'm good. But I guess we don't see that until about 3 months in, after the honeymoon.

But hey, this is not marriage or anything close to it yet. Casual dating right now that if it works out will progress to exclusive dating. I guess taking a step back to enjoy the process is something I'm learning to do. I'm more than willing to give her a chance. Especially since I do find myself attracted to her, and we do seem to click super well.

We'll see how this weekend goes!

May 19, 2017

Yeah, I never said she was 22, lol. Not sure where that poster got that info from. I clearly state in my first post that she's in her mid-late 20s. To be more accurate, she's 27.

We texted more today and thankfully, today was more enjoyable. We had some banter and the "heavy talks" were put off the table. I enjoyed that a lot more i.e. getting to know her process. We seem to gel well. I really am giving her/this a chance. Otherwise I would have bolted a lot sooner. She seems like someone I can really get along with and build something lasting and meaningful with. I just wished her financial end was a little stronger, but it's not the end of the world or a deal breaker for me. If we're truly compatible and kindred spirits, then there's a lot I can and am willing to overlook. The only thing I wish for is that she is working toward her opening a business dream rather than simply dreaming about it while being a barista. And that she's not clingy or (overly) needy. She seems to be on the needy scale, but nothing yet that has pushed me away. We've been connecting quite well the past few days.

She's been cheated on and guys have taken advantage of her. She has a lot of emotional scars. But she told me I seem like a genuinely great guy and she hopes this continues to go well. She does appear to be a bit insecure, which I can understand given her past history. For example, she texted me after our first meeting "I guess I wanted to ask you... am I how you thought I would be?"

And yesterday after revealing to me her icky past issues, she said "I'm almost scared to think what your thoughts on me now are..."

to which I reassured her that I believe we connected for a reason and that I'm glad we connected. However this turns out, I'm enjoying the process and getting to know each other better.

Today we exchanged last names and birth dates. More "pillow talk" ensued and it was really nice. The thing I noticed with her compared to my previous dates is how well we click and get each other. From humor to points of view to thought process, it's like we are kindred spirits. The money thing seems to be the biggest difference however, but like I said, it's more of a yellow flag than a red flag or a deal breaker. I'm amazed by how talking with her the time just flies by. Whereas with some girls talking to them is like pulling teeth. Perhaps she and I are just a good match? Whatever the case may be, I'm looking forward to our date this weekend and getting to know her more. I really hope she isn't crazy crazy. I can handle a little neediness and "normal crazy." Please just don't be crazy crazy, and I'm good!

crazy crazy to me is when the girl is being treated well/right yet she goes out of her way to create drama or blast me for not doing enough. Had those traits in exes before and I'm done with that business. A girl who has emotional scars and is insecure? As long as she's not doubtful of my faith (I've never cheated before and don't ever plan to cheat; I find it really dishonorable) to her and getting all bent out of shape for no reason, then I'm good. But I guess we don't see that until about 3 months in, after the honeymoon.

But hey, this is not marriage or anything close to it yet. Casual dating right now that if it works out will progress to exclusive dating. I guess taking a step back to enjoy the process is something I'm learning to do. I'm more than willing to give her a chance. Especially since I do find myself attracted to her, and we do seem to click super well.

We'll see how this weekend goes!

this post was a lot more positive on your part and i hoep everything works out....clicking with someone in my opinion is more of a necessity than a packed wallet..and i will let you know that insecurities tend to fade out when you meet someoen and are with someone who treats you with respect and compassion....just takes a little time......good luck...deb

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