I Want To Tell My Exs New GF He's a Sleaze Bag

[mg101]

Long read but i need input. There's sexually explicit photos and drug confessions involved if that's motivating to read on.

 

Together 1.5 years. I technically dumped him a year ago after a period of issues including a 4 day period he ignored me as punishment. I blocked him. He contacted me from June till Sep monthly via different means. I was still very hung up on the break up and could have done better with my nc but i did not reply to any of the messages until October.

 

October i replied to a facebook msg he sent from a dummy account. Long story short, we end up texting and talking on the phone oct thru dec. During this time he apologized, told me every woman is mediocre, he's still in love with me, etc. I tell him we can try to be friends but refuse to see him. He also called me 2x at odd very late hours crying and sounding odd. He tells me something really bad has been going on but can't bear to tell me.

 

December we got into a verbal argument, got heated, i tell him us being in contact is no good, he says he would never want to be with me etc. We end up talking few days later and i tell him we don't have to hate each other, leave it peaceful etc.

 

Jan, February, a few causal texts. March he texts me at 6am that he just woke up from a dream that made him cry. Ask him what and says he'd explain in a voice note or when we talk. Week passes, i text asking of the dream. He calls the next night. I was on a date. We play phone tag then he texts to say he wants to see me. I play it off.

 

 

Two weeks ago he caught me at the right time, out, drinking. We text during the evening. He calls repeatedly later. I answer on my way home. He says he must see me. I say no. He says he just wants me to come to the garage and talk. I say no. He says he's on his way and hangs up. I call repeatedly to say no don't come and he texts saying he's coming. We end up talking in his car and the bench outside my building from 3 am until 7 am. Didn't seem that long. He tells me he thinks he'll always be in love with me. He thinks of me constantly. He thinks of me when having sex with someone else. He revisits memories. We also talk about other random things. We did kiss. He says he's doing better financially and he can afford to do the things i complained about him not doing. He asks if ill go to miami with him. I don't reply, laugh it off. He asks who in seeing, have i slept with anyone, do i like who I'm dating. I don't really answer, i ask him how many ppl he's been with. Says one, i scoff, then says two. Names them by name, not sure why.

 

At the end he begs to come up, tell him no epeatedly. Earlier he asks why i left him and sheds a single tear. He also confessed the issue he alluded to in november when he was crying. He started experimenting with cocaine two months before our break up and had a REAL problem after i dumped him. He even left his job because of it. He said he often blamed me or thought his life spiraled bc of the breakup. I was shocked. He still seemed a bit disheveled to me that night. Oh and he tells me about the dream that supposedly made him cry. Some convoluted set up where i was basically having sex with him then his cousin comes home and i go to him and tell him I'm with him, that it's too late for my ex n i etc.

 

After he went home, he msgd to say he made it home. Said he loved me 3 times. Sent a voice note about his drug confession and said he hadnt shared that with anyone in his family or any woman and to know its a sensitive topic. He texted asking if i know anyone going thru anything similar as he'd like to talk. Told him of NA and said I'd help him go. He said yes please. Then he sends me voice notes of how he's going to masturbate thinking of me. I jokingly said send proof. I woke up later to before n after pics. We never sent explicit photos while together. I was beyond shocked. I look up the NA stuff, send him links. We text later briefly. Not about that.

 

It's been 3 weeks now. We've communicated very briefly. I brought up the drug thing, he claims its not a problem anymore. Mmm ok.

 

Of course the contact made me fall back on bad habits. I snooped about, i won't lie. I basically found out online that he's most likely wht a girl he mentioned by name when telling me the girls he's had sex with since the breakup. She's the one he said he's been with the most. And they likely were in Miami this weekend. She's in good with his sisters based on instagram comments etc. Even a pic of her on his sisters page on new years eve. No pics with the ex. But can tell the sis only knows her through him.

 

Questions: why the hell did he drop the drugs bomb, ask for help later, then play it down you think? Do you think he's still on drugs?

Am i wrong for feeling annoyed he was trying so hard to sleep wht me, saying i love you and sending masturbation pics when he likely has a gf? I feel disgusted. He likely was cheating on me like that during our relationship.

Should i confront him before cutting off contact again or just ghost?

 

I can't believe I'm here a year later. Its all my fault. I couldn't close the door fully. As for the question, why and do i want him back. I think my heart been waiting for a grand gesture including a changed guy i guess but my brain has always known i can't be with him. I have always missed the emotional and sexual magnetism we shared, i still do. But i rationally know he just can't be what i wish he would.

Edited May 16, 2017 by mg101

[PegNosePete]

Should i confront him before cutting off contact again or just ghost?

Just ghost.

 

The rest of your questions really are irrelevant. You are not going to take him back are you? He clearly hasn't changed at all. What's the point doing mental gymnastics wondering if he's on drugs or cheating or why he's acting like he is, what's the point wasting mental energy trying to answer these question?

 

Just cut him off completely and never talk to him again, like you should have done last time.

[mg101]

He's been contacting me. Broke up year ago. He never stopped even when blocked first 5 months. . Saw him few weeks ago. Was trying to have sex. I refused. He later texted me how he loves me so much repeatedly and sent voice notes. Also sent photos of him masturbating. And voice notes about it. I've put two n two together on social media now and figured out he's got a gf.

 

I'm not going to lie. Yes I'd want to know if her but i want to tell her to get at him. I've always been nice wth him. I want revenge. I'm mad at his manipulation. I know living well is the best revenge etc etc but i still want to do this. I know he did those things to me when we were together and made me feel paranoid wth his lies when i questioned him. I think i actually hate him now. Idc

 

He also confessed he's getting over a cocaine issue and asked for my help in between his love yous and masturbation exchanges.

[alphamale]

let her find out for herself

[Titanll]

Well, I mean if he's getting over his cocaine problem, his love yous and masturbation exchanges shouldn't be a problem.

 

You can block his number and move on if you want, OP.

[mg101]

let her find out for herself

 

It's more about getting back at him like i said. I won't pretend is altruistic.

 

Well, I mean if he's getting over his cocaine problem, his love yous and masturbation exchanges shouldn't be a problem.

 

What do you mean?

[basil67]

Ugh, what a sleaze. Thing is though, if you contact the new girlfriend, it will look like sour grapes. And she won't take you seriously.

 

Best revenge is to move on without him. And make sure you block him on all platforms so that he CAN'T contact you again.

[mg101]

Ugh, what a sleaze. Thing is though, if you contact the new girlfriend, it will look like sour grapes. And she won't take you seriously.

 

Best revenge is to move on without him. And make sure you block him on all platforms so that he CAN'T contact you again.

 

 

I have photos and recordings of his voice. Time stamped on whatsapp which you can't fake unlike texts. Not sure how she wouldn't believe. I know I'll look crazy but we don't have any mutual friends etc. I really just want to give him hell or let him know he can't get away wth this manipulation.

 

The lighter version of this is letting him know i know but that doesn't have a revenge element. Just calling him out that i know i guess...

[todreaminblue]

i think it depends where the place is at you are wanting to tell her, if it is out of genuine concern for her well being then maybe......but i dont feel thats the place you are at.......i feel its resentment and wanting to get back at him revenge style...and that isnt good ...for you....for her....or for him....i would suggest you go no contact and stay out fo his life and him out of yours....i wish you peace....deb

[Ronnys93]

It's more about getting back at him like i said. I won't pretend is altruistic.

 

 

 

What do you mean?

 

Honestly stuff like that rarely works. It could backfire on you seriously and make you look ridiculously crazy. It's better to just ghost. Keep your sanity.