Sandwoman Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 This guy I've been dating for 3 months, seen each other about once or every two weeks because we are both super busy and travel a lot. We've slept together twice and I've met his friends. He's 37 and really seems want to settle down. But I'm only 26 and new to the country, still a student so very uncertain about future. I'm totally infatuated but he seems very reserved, probably because at this stage he's seriously looking for a life partner and doesn't want to waste time and invest in someone who doesn't look ready. But I think the dates all went well and he seemed into me, until I had to travel for an internship across the globe for three months. Then he withdrew. I lost my cool and asked him, he said although he really likes seeing me and hopes to see me when I'm back, he just doesn't feel so strongly about waiting for three months. I think he's being very anxious about starting a family soon and he doesn't see me as ready or our relationship particularly promising. He said let's see what happens when I come back. So I agreed and texted him saying I've always taken things kinda serious and I didn't mean to rush into anything just felt anxious about the trip in general. And also got a little carried away. Hope to see him when I'm back. We left it at that. I'm gone for about a week, no texting. Now I feel like if he's dating new people and things can happen in the three months. It makes me paranoid. But if I text him, it's gonna seem desperate and not welcomed? I'm even thinking about flying back for a weekend but it's gonna scare the hell out of him?
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 And date other people is what you should do as well. He isn't enough into you that he wanted to be exclusive and wait 3 months. He's going to date. 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I wouldn't wait either. 1. You don't see each other enough to really call yourself exclusive. 2. 3-months is not really worthy of such a commitment...waiting for someone for three months. 3. Personally don't feel it's fair to ask him to wait 3-months to resume your dating...you are only dating 4. If he is really looking for something LT, you're asking him to hold off on his life for someone he's only dating 5. I would be down too if my gf told me that she was heading abroad for 3-months...who knows what could happen AND he doesn't know you THAT well I would let you know that I will continue dating and if we're both still single, resume the relationship. 2
Author Sandwoman Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 And date other people is what you should do as well. He isn't enough into you that he wanted to be exclusive and wait 3 months. He's going to date. Thanks! Yes I know he's going to date...I'm just wondering if it's gonna help if I text him sometimes...or I just totally let go and let him meet others and make his own judgements. I think I made it clear that I like him and am open to possibilities but he's reserved and it's obvious he's looking for a life parter to start a family soon. And he mentioned that I maybe a bit young and he's more more practical when I showed my emotions before leaving.
Author Sandwoman Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 I wouldn't wait either. 1. You don't see each other enough to really call yourself exclusive. 2. 3-months is not really worthy of such a commitment...waiting for someone for three months. 3. Personally don't feel it's fair to ask him to wait 3-months to resume your dating...you are only dating 4. If he is really looking for something LT, you're asking him to hold off on his life for someone he's only dating 5. I would be down too if my gf told me that she was heading abroad for 3-months...who knows what could happen AND he doesn't know you THAT well I would let you know that I will continue dating and if we're both still single, resume the relationship. Yes. Thank you for your insights. They make perfect sense. I totally understand his standpoint and I agree it's too soon to make that kind of commitment. I just feel bummed that he'll be dating others. I've emotionally invested a lot into this, which is silly I know. I don't know if there's anyway to increase my chances... text or no text (does it matter?) do I fly back? Tell him I fly back just want to see him or make something up... 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 He said let's see what happens when I come back. I think he's right about this. I don't know what kind of relationship you could develop while traveling for the next 3-months, but it sounds like something very important to you. It sounds like an exciting experience and opportunity. Don't give up on this. Perhaps you alter the relationship and be 'friends.' While traveling text, email him every so often. If he responds, great, if not, move on and concentrate on why you are there. ...see what happens when you get back. 1
BaileyB Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 It doesn't cost you anything to text or email occasionally while you are away - to tell him where you are and what you are doing, and to ask how he is doing... Nor does it cost you anything to text when you get home to see if he wants to get together. You are not far enough along in the relationship to expect that he will not date. There are no guarantees in life but good things tend to happen to those who take the risk. Safe travels! 1
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Unless he tells you to cut it out because he met somebody & your texts upset her, I see no harm in reaching out to him while you're doing your internship. How frequently would you expect to communicate? I have no idea what the magic number would be -- once per month? Once per week? Certainly not daily.
Author Sandwoman Posted May 18, 2017 Author Posted May 18, 2017 Thx so much guys. Updates: I hadn't texted him yet, was thinking waiting for a bit longer because I acted needy before I left. But he texted me today asking a few questions about my trip! I guess it's a very good sign! I said it's been great and asked how he is and he said he's doing well and he's traveling somewhere for his project. I said that's nice...and the conversation ended. A very brief friendly check in. We never texted much anyway. It'd be weird for him to chat with me too much I guess... Should I text him something interesting in a few days, send one or two photos if he doesn't? The thing is he sometimes doesn't reply if it's not a question, or replies short answers when we were dating. It's like he avoids too much texting. But I guess it's understandable, we are not a couple...
preraph Posted May 18, 2017 Posted May 18, 2017 Text him rarely. Don't keep texting him. If he doesn't return it soon or at all, don't retext him.
Author Sandwoman Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 He said let's see what happens when I come back. I think he's right about this. I don't know what kind of relationship you could develop while traveling for the next 3-months, but it sounds like something very important to you. It sounds like an exciting experience and opportunity. Don't give up on this. Perhaps you alter the relationship and be 'friends.' While traveling text, email him every so often. If he responds, great, if not, move on and concentrate on why you are there. ...see what happens when you get back. So he texted me first a week after I left. Asking very nicely if I'm ok and settled and how's work, I said everything's great and very brief exchanges a few words. I initiated texting two days later. Asking if the thing he's doing went well and my works been very busy. He saw the message but hasn't replied in 48 hours... Should I not have sent that text? What I said was not interesting...just wanted to keep communication going...but apparently he's not interested...
Author Sandwoman Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 Unless he tells you to cut it out because he met somebody & your texts upset her, I see no harm in reaching out to him while you're doing your internship. How frequently would you expect to communicate? I have no idea what the magic number would be -- once per month? Once per week? Certainly not daily. Ugh I guess I sent that text too soon...maybe he will never reply...
Author Sandwoman Posted May 20, 2017 Author Posted May 20, 2017 i think I will take everyone's advice and not text him again? Like ever? Forget about him and date others when I am away? Should I text him when I go back after 2-3 months?
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2017 Posted May 21, 2017 Do what feels right to you. Either it's meant to be, or it is not. Only time will tell. Enjoy your travels.
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