LoVeRgIrL0518 Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I just moved down to florida, where i was born and i grew up here! We moved up North when i was 13 and when i turned 18 i decided to move back to my home town! I had my sisters ex fiance pick me up from the airport, because my mother and I have been in touch with him since we moved up North! He was a great guy and my sister left him because she wanted to be a drunk and do drugs! She treated him like complete ****! Now me and him have reunited and caught up on everything we have missed out on! He took me out on the boat and we went fishing and he took me out to eat for my birthday and bought me a cake! Well actually for my birthday it was a "date". Now hes been talkin to me and askin me if i think that we will ever "get together". And im not really sure! I spent the whole weekend with him and we did mess aroung a little! Hes already gotten permission from my mother to date me! Now all i have to do is make the decision on whether i want to date him or if hes too much of a big brother for me! But after spending the whole weekend with him i cant stop thinking about him and when the next time that we are going to spend time together! It drives me crazy! Ive always dated the wrong kind of guys! They have always been controlling and jealous! And hes not one of those guys! Hes the type of guys that would watch out for me and treat me like gold and give me anything i want! But im not the type of girl that will just ask for and take anything! So what i am asking is should i try and date him or just let it go and treat him like an older brother! Im 18 and hes 26! Hes been broke up with my sister for about 6 years! And she lives up North! And shes on the wrong road! So what should i do?
HotCaliGirl Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I don't think it's right for you to date the man your sister was once engaged to...and I don't think he should be dating the sister of his former fiancee. It's very disrespectful to her regardless of her being a druggie now and in his mind he might be comparing you to her. I think you should stop seeing him romantically and date someone else. Imagine if your sister did the same by dating your ex-fiance....it would be a terrible feeling and he should know better. He might be trying to hurt your sister by doing this.
d'Arthez Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 The extreme usage of exclamation marks suggests a large a difference in emotional maturity, between you and this guy. The talk of considering him like an "older brother" or perhaps as dateworthy material, suggests the same. Add to that the 8 years of age-difference, with you being only 18 years old, and the fact that this guy is your sister's ex-fiance is not improving the odds of a relationship working out between the two of you. He may be a great guy (although messing around before you are actually dating is a bit dubious, if you want something long-term), but that does in no way imply that the relationship, if it were to happen, is bound to work. You are probably infatuated, due to the fact that you have not seen each other a long time. You are a different woman now, than when you were 13. By no means infatuation equals love. You are both now in completely different positions in all likelihood. You are probably going to start college soon, and he will probably have sit himself up for a career. Even in the best of circumstances relationships like that are hard to maintain. The decision is yours.
Dasani Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 nope... like a big brother = hes NOT a big brother and he is available. if your sister dropped a great guy because shes a moron- then too bad for her. and its not disrespectful to date a person your sister was engaged with 6 years ago (when you were 12)... again if she lost him for her stupidity.. hes fair fair game. the age difference is a little bit much... but that depend son where you and he are in life. If you're in college- focus on college! not some guy. If you're not in college and not going to college.. focus on GOING TO COLLEGE! LOL. he should take a back seat to your future as of right now. its only when you decide to have a future together should you get serious.
crazy_grl Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I know I'd find dating the same guy as my sister once did to be really... for lack of a better word, squicky. How will you ever know that he's just not over her and using you as the next best thing? Or comparing the way to kiss (among other things) to the way your sister does it? Also, justifying that it's okay because she was stupid and left him for drugs makes you really no better than her. The exes of friends and siblings are off limits, no execeptions. If your sister is into drugs, she probably got a lot of issues and having her little sis date her ex fiance isn't going to help that any. It's very selfish of both of you. He somewhat has a right to his selfish, inconsiderate, and hurtful behavior, but after 6 years, he should be over the hurt she caused and hope for the best for her. He shouldn't have been pursuing something he knows will hurt her. You have no excuse. No matter how many drugs she takes or how badly she behaves, you shouldn't deliberately do things to hurt your family when it can be easily avoided. And your mom is probably in love with the idea of his as a son-in-law and doesn't care which sister gets him there. Go find your own man instead of one your sister left behind, who fell into your lap only because he was her ex. It'll save you from a lot of unecessary family drama.
clandestinidad Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 I see what the others are saying, but i disagree. Heres why: since they dated 6 years ago, he's probably dated other people since then, and most likely doesnt even remember the way your sister hugged or kissed or did anything else (a little icky to think about, but its icky to think about our men/women doing anything with ANYone else). So I dont think thats a fair reason to give for not dating him. I certainly dont remember how people I dated 6 years ago did things!!! Also, the fact that your mother thinks so highly of him, and he got her permission to date you means A LOT! Your mother probably isnt an idiot, and can tell if someone is or isnt good for their daughter to date. If she thinks its a good idea, despite the situation with your sister, then go for it. Here's another point I wanted to make: You arent asking whether or not you should MARRY this person right now. Youre only asking about DATING him!! The other responders took this situation tooooo seriously. There's absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone that someone else dated before, and to just see where it goes. Youre young, with nothing really tying you down....have fun and date whoever you want!! Its JUST DATING, guys!! And I doubt she'll be very "hurt" since she was the one to break up with him 6 years ago. Your mom would know if it was something that would hurt your sister or not, and I'm guessing she knows that it wouldnt since she gave ya'll the go-ahead. So, I say forget about all that junk and give it a try
my_manda Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 It seems like you are trying to bad mouth your sister " she wanted to be a drunk and do drugs" to justify your behavior. Obviously, based on the exclamation frenzy in your blog, you like the guy....my suggestion, talk to your sister FIRST! She will always be your sister, but boys may come and go......as for always dating jerks.....let this guy be a big brother lesson if your sister does not go for it. Find a guy who will treat you the way he does and who never had plans to marry your sister! I do not care if there has been six years between he and your sister. They were engaged....has he been engaged to someone else since? Just ask her....I think that will be all the answer you need
crazy_grl Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Originally posted by kat23 since they dated 6 years ago, he's probably dated other people since then, and most likely doesnt even remember the way your sister hugged or kissed or did anything else (a little icky to think about, but its icky to think about our men/women doing anything with ANYone else). So I dont think thats a fair reason to give for not dating him. I certainly dont remember how people I dated 6 years ago did things!!! You'd be surprised at how quickly those memories can come back with the right trigger. I've remembered vivid details I'd forgotten about past relationships years later simply because someone's shampoo smelled the same. And siblings do tend to act and behave very similarly. He might not have thought about her for the last 6 years, but kissing someone who looks very similar and who might have some of the same guestures, habits, etc. can really bring those memories back. Here's another point I wanted to make: You arent asking whether or not you should MARRY this person right now. Youre only asking about DATING him!! The other responders took this situation tooooo seriously. There's absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone that someone else dated before, and to just see where it goes. Youre young, with nothing really tying you down....have fun and date whoever you want!! Its JUST DATING, guys!! And I doubt she'll be very "hurt" since she was the one to break up with him 6 years ago. I didn't take the situation too seriously. I don't care if it's just dating. I didn't say the exes of friends and siblings are off limits to marriage but not if you're 'just having fun'. They're off limits no matter what. I would never date my sister's ex even though we have a lot in common no matter how non-serious it was. She broke up with him, but that doesn't mean I should assume that it wouldn't bother her to see me with him. I don't care what the situation is, out of respect for the other person, exes should be off limits, even if you're given the go-ahead. Your mom would know if it was something that would hurt your sister or not, and I'm guessing she knows that it wouldnt since she gave ya'll the go-ahead. From the sister-bashing in the first post, where it seems like both LoVeRgIrL and her mom are very disapproving of her sister, I'd bet it's more a case of the sister being estranged from the family. They don't approve of her and aren't close with her, so they're not really concerned with what will and will not hurt her, and she probably wouldn't tell them even if it did.
clandestinidad Posted August 2, 2005 Posted August 2, 2005 Yeah, I see what you mean, crazygrl......it makes sense. Does the OP have any more info for us here???
Author LoVeRgIrL0518 Posted August 3, 2005 Author Posted August 3, 2005 Well i have talked to my sister about it and she said that she doesnt mind because she is very much in love with the person she is with now. And i think you guys have the wrong idea about it because i do know for a fact that hes not comparing me to my sister and hes not trying to date me to hurt her in any way! When we talked he told me that he thought that we just "clicked" on the way back from the airport. And since i have read all your replies i have talked to him about whether or not he is comparing me to her or whatever! Because when i read those replies it did get me to thinking. But he told me that it wasnt even like that. He said from the moment he saw me he knew he had feelings for me! And i look nothing like my sister! And i was not bad mouthing her when i said she left him to be a drunk and to do drugs. That would be the truth. He also told me that if that was the case then he would have mentioned dating me on the phone when i called him to pick me up from the airport when i arrived. He just wants to date me and see how things go! Hes not talking about marriage or anything! And im sorry but i dont think my mom wants him to be her son-in-law no matter what sister gets him. She's stayed in touch with him as friends because he is a really great guy and he helped her out when she needed it. He deserves someone that will treat him good and i think that i want to try to be that person! Just to see how things work out...nothing too serious, but if it gets that way then so be it!
HotCaliGirl Posted August 3, 2005 Posted August 3, 2005 well, keep us posted on how it goes...maybe it will work out ok then, especially since your sister is ok with it and he seems like a nice guy...i'd feel weird about it but it sounds harmless i guess...
crazy_grl Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by LoVeRgIrL0518 And im sorry but i dont think my mom wants him to be her son-in-law no matter what sister gets him. She's stayed in touch with him as friends because he is a really great guy and he helped her out when she needed it. Sounds like the woman would want him as a son-in-law to me. What better way to ensure he stays around to help out than to make him a part of the family? Otherwise, what's to prevent another woman from taking him away? In any case, that's not really important. I still wouldn't do it, but then you're not me. Hope it works out for you.
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