9089 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 About a month ago I started dating a younger girl (I'm 28, she 21) I met on Tinder. Things went on really well, and we had alot in common. She really wanted to see me, so I arranged a date. Because of bad experiences from previous relationships, I wanted to take things slow, and we had sex on the 3rd date. She initiated for the 4th date, and I agreed. I really thought we had a connection cause she was calling me every day. The weird thing was, when we were speaking on whatsapp, she wasn't much active. I asked her all kind of questions, on which she replied, but not asking about me. Felt like she was maybe some kind of self centered person, or maybe shy. Whenever I wasn't texting, she always asked ''hey what's up''. I know I shouldn't be worried, yet I was. When it came to the 4th date she flaked last minute telling me she was sick. Oke, those things happen, and I tried to initiate a later date end of the week, on which she replied ''well, I have to check cause I'm really busy''. Anyways we decided to meet up on saturday, but not having set a time, cause she wasn't sure how to get to my place. The last days before the date she wasn't seeking contact all the time, and I got worried. I texted her some fun things, but got the ''ahh oke, lol'' replies. I asked her what whas the deal, and she said she had commitment phobia. She didn't want to be in a relationship. She didn't want to be loyal. I asked her if she liked me, she said she really did, but it scared her to do things with me, it made her gasp for air she said, whilst the things I had in mind, go places etc, was something she really liked. We talked a long way on the app (I know bad) but it happened. She told me I was the second guy to which it happened. After that she vanished. I didn't speak to her in a week, and she never called. I called her to see what was up, and the next day we met in town at an event. We kissed, but I noticed she was very distance, almost not being available. Made no big deal about it. I went off to see the band, and she went off to her girlfriends. Later that night she texted me where I was. Side thing, that other guy was also at the event, and while we were kissing, she was also texting him. She told me he was a no no cause he did bad things to her. The next day we chatted for a bit, and she apologied for not being too avaible on text. And then she vanished into the air. I tried to contact her on text, but no replies. I started to worry what might have happened. So after nearly 2 weeks I contacted her again. Asked her on text if she was ignoring me, no reply etc. She picked up the phone and said she was just really busy. I asked her how come did you not have 10 seconds to reply to my text, I mean just be honest. She told me she didn't want that discussion, so I told her enjoy your evening. I'm kinda stuck in the desert here. I really like this girl, but it's coming all from my side. I told her I'm willing to put in time and effort even though she has commitment phobia. Even suggested to be friends for a while, to put the pressure of me wanting more off. Not a single reply. I mean she really liked me she said, but how could she just act like I don't exist? Am I blind? Anyone knows what's going on? Did I chase her off?
Miss Spider Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I asked her what whas the deal, and she said she had commitment phobia. She didn't want to be in a relationship. She didn't want to be loyal. You didn't scare her off. She's just not that into you. She's 21 and just playing around. You're just one of the many plates(guys) she's spinning. 1
Author 9089 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Do you think? I forgot to mention: She told me that guys never see her, because of her looks, but i told her she looked amazing. Could it be that this was an ego boost and that she is now pursueing other guys?
Redhead14 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I told her I'm willing to put in time and effort even though she has commitment phobia -- Stop wasting your time and energy. If she truly has commitment-phobia you will end up being hurt and likely over and over again. I don't think she has commitment-phobia. I think she just likes being single and playing the field. And, she may simply be using that as a disclaimer -- she's open to commitment, just not with you. 2
TaylorW Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 (edited) There could be 101 reasons why she's acting like this. Maybe she has feelings for the other guy and he came back in the picture. If the only reason this girl could come up with when you asked her why she is not with a guy is "because he did bad things to me" and she is still texting him, then there is a big chance that she's still hung up on him and their story didn't end yet. But of course I don't know the whole story so I could be wrong. Edited May 16, 2017 by TaylorW 1
Author 9089 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 I told her I'm willing to put in time and effort even though she has commitment phobia -- Stop wasting your time and energy. If she truly has commitment-phobia you will end up being hurt and likely over and over again. . Yes she has commitment phobia, she dumped the guy from her long term relationship of 4 years when he started talking about moving in together and such, so I don't think she is lying to me. But I really want to solve things with her, just don't know how..
Redhead14 Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Yes she has commitment phobia, she dumped the guy from her long term relationship of 4 years when he started talking about moving in together and such, so I don't think she is lying to me. But I really want to solve things with her, just don't know how.. Solve things with her? I don't know what you mean by that, but if you mean you want to help her overcome her phobia, you'd better start college right now and work on your MSW, at the very least, because there is no way in the world you have the skill set to be of any help to her. And, commitment-phobia is often more about Fear of Intimacy which is often another co-morbid issue. Trust me, you are not going to be the ONE who gets her to resolve these kinds of things. I can't stress enough how difficult your life could be if you keep trying with her. Do you want to be another guy she strung along for 4 years only to be left in the dust? She's telling you who she is -- believe her!!!! 1
Whodatdog Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 People have committment phobia....until they meet the person they want to commit to. At this point, with this girl, unfortunately it isnt you. 1
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