Saltlife07 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 My ex and I recently got in contact after not seeing each other for years! He texts me about meeting up, then calls a few second later. We set up a lunch date for today. An hour before we are set to meet, he texts me and tells me hes thought about it and decides its not a good idea. He started seeing someone and he doesnt want trouble for any of us involved. I respected that and told him no worries or explanation needed. I then get a text saying if I still wanted to meet, we could meet at a park. So we did. I said hey, he said hey, it was 2 min long then I left. I pulled away and sent him a text and said, lets cut ties while we are ahead. Best of luck to you! He then replied. It was good seeing you, I wish you the best. I never told you this before but Im really proud of the person you have become. Why did he do this push/pull thing. I will be fine. But I cant help wonder why he initiated everything, confirmed plans the day before, backed out then still wanted to meet. Now Im left all sorts of confused. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Do not be confused. Listen to yourself. Re-read your message. It was classy. You wished him well & now he's gone forever because that is what you want / need. Who cares what he wants. FWIW, if he couldn't meet you for lunch because his new SO wouldn't approve, that person would be equally upset about a meeting in the park. The fact that he wanted to meet now, when he has a new someone, makes me question his integrity & timing. That said, take the compliment & move on, leaving him firmly in your rear view mirror. 1
Author Saltlife07 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Thank you. Im sure I made the right decision by cutting ties, but I dont understand why my feelings are hurt. He watched me walk away and even suggested meeting again. He apologized for the inconvenience he may have caused. I dont know if it meant he had feelings for me which is why he decided it wasnt a good idea, but nonetheless, I'll bounce back. Men are just confusing.
stillafool Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 He probably did want to see you again since you have made changes and progress in your life. I think he thought about it and realized that it may be viewed as cheating if his girl found out and didn't want to hurt her. Then he changed his mind again that a quick hello in a park would not be a big deal and went with it. He doesn't want to get back together because he is too worried that he might do something to offend his current gf which shows he still wants her. He was just curious and wanted to see you again. 1
Author Saltlife07 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 I love being able to come to this site. I read advice on here often. Thanks for the insight. Im usually a pretty tough person but for some reason, I feel crushed and dont know why. I had no expectations just excitement to see and hear how life has been then when we talked after backed out, I was upset so I just wanted to leave. I thought maybe after all these years, we could have at least been cordial. I totally get where he doesnt want to disrespect his new girlfriend and Im not at all upset about it, I guess I just feel used...or to be honest, Im not sure what I feel but its not a good feeling. He said he had to get back to work and would talk to me later. I am cutting all ties, but I feel like I wasnt good enough for a simple 30 min conversation, yet he didnt want to end the texting after I left the park. He said if cutting ties is what I want then he understands. I guess everyone wants to feel liked by the person who dumped then, but getting "dumped/rejected" twice is almost worse than the first time.
BC1980 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I think the did want to see you, but, after he set up the date and thought about it for a few days, it realized it wasn't a good idea since he is seeing someone else. Sometimes, people make impulse decisions that seem good in the moment but later regret them after they've had time to think about it. That's really not cool on his part to meet up with an ex alone if he is seeing someone else. At least he realized it was a bad idea. I can understand your feelings being hurt because seeing an ex can bring up old feelings and a lot of emotions. I've found that it's usually best to let the past stay dormant and press on with the future. 1
Maldives Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I love being able to come to this site. I read advice on here often. Thanks for the insight. Im usually a pretty tough person but for some reason, I feel crushed and dont know why. I had no expectations just excitement to see and hear how life has been then when we talked after backed out, I was upset so I just wanted to leave. I thought maybe after all these years, we could have at least been cordial. I totally get where he doesnt want to disrespect his new girlfriend and Im not at all upset about it, I guess I just feel used...or to be honest, Im not sure what I feel but its not a good feeling. He said he had to get back to work and would talk to me later. I am cutting all ties, but I feel like I wasnt good enough for a simple 30 min conversation, yet he didnt want to end the texting after I left the park. He said if cutting ties is what I want then he understands. I guess everyone wants to feel liked by the person who dumped then, but getting "dumped/rejected" twice is almost worse than the first time. I know wat he did my ex wife did the exact same thing years passed and got in touch wen she was remarried. They go hot and cold I don't know why cld be a variety of reasons they do it because they can because they left and know the balls in there court. I'll tell u my story. We separated after a few mths NC I run after her begging and saying sorry. A few weeks pass she comes back we try and then she goes cold again. She knows I'm going overseas for a holiday a few mths pass I meet someone new she gets in touch again and basically screwed wth my head. I'd moved on but her contacting me basically screwed wth my head. I put the relationship on hold and tried again wth the wife were still married at that stage she went cold and and aftrr I confronted her on her behaviour she wanted a divorce. Yrs later i had to close our joint bank account as i was paying for it having it still open needed her signature sent her a pretty straight forward mail to just sign return and I'll close it. She calls again seeing how I am. Then again I come back from overseas messages left on vm. Anyway at that point the relationship I was in that girl cheated wth a friend of mine no friend now. I called my ex wife I guess I just wanted some answers about wat i was doing wrong .after some contact wth the ex I really thought me and her cld be friends and wss genuinely happy for her and her husband I didn't want her back in one o my low moments she messages me and again saus never contact me again that I was the worst thing that happenned to her. Lol I felt **** to say the least. Yrs later she starts ticking fb posts I got in **** wth my current ex. Initially I blocked her but unblocked her i guess I was just curious how she was. Anyway I blocked her again in definatly they play games because they don't know wat they want that's it in a nutshell. And they know they can because they left u 1
Soulsearching07 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 @goodguy05 - It sounds like you were taken for a roller coaster ride. I cant speak for all women, but most do reach out and play games for their own selfish needs. It sucks she was like that toward you. Hope you've been okay moving forward and that she is just someone from the past. I'm glad I have this site to vent to people who dont know me. I need outsiders to tell me to pull my **** together and leave the past in the past! Life is a crazy journey! I'm upset more with myself that I not only agreed to meet him but I actually continued to text with him after all that. My life has never been better, my self worth has never been higher yet I caved and continued to communicate when I knew better. Oh well! Tomorrow is a new day! Men and women can sometimes suck a relationships whether lovers or friends!
mg101 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 He's not fully satisfied in his relationship or having commitment issues and maybe your m you were a way to combat that. It's selfish!! My ex has been doing that and just found out he has a gf. At least your ex confessed. Don't let him pull you back from your progress like that again. Mine has done just that because it was more involved than your encounter and he lied. Just posted about it. Sup while you're ahead and block him if need be in case he has another relapse for his selfish reasons. 1
Soulsearching07 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 @mg101 - I like your statement "dont let him pull you back from the progress you made". Its so true! We all know better, we all regret caving but yet we do it anyways. Sucks you had to find out your ex was with someone. Just goes to show you their true colors. Everyone wants to be in contact with someone but doesnt want to do it the right/honest way. I'm over the whole situation. I'm too old (32 lol) to be playing games. It did set me back today, I couldnt focus at work, didnt go to the gym, was in a daze, but I'm calling it an early night and refuse to let tomorrow get the best of me. 1
mg101 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 @mg101 - I like your statement "dont let him pull you back from the progress you made". Its so true! We all know better, we all regret caving but yet we do it anyways. Sucks you had to find out your ex was with someone. Just goes to show you their true colors. Everyone wants to be in contact with someone but doesnt want to do it the right/honest way. I'm over the whole situation. I'm too old (32 lol) to be playing games. It did set me back today, I couldnt focus at work, didnt go to the gym, was in a daze, but I'm calling it an early night and refuse to let tomorrow get the best of me. Good for you. I'm here debating sending his gf the evidence. I've been set bavk further past week. Guard your peace.
Soulsearching07 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 It's so hard to want to send her stuff but hang tight. For whatever reason, in my past experiences, it kills the guy when a girl goes MIA. Dont think about him and his new gf, even if you want to let her know how sleezy he is. From a woman to a woman, lets show them we value ourselves way more than to waste any more time on them.
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