Author Sincerelyours Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 As for the guy your seeing, he is feeding you crap. He is 40yrs old and he knows exactly what he's doing. He is keeping you seperate from his friends and family because he is hiding something and that something is most likely other women. What man wants to continually show up solo where others have brought their spouses, girlfriends and dates. As if his friends are somehow going to be devastated if they meet you and you turn out not to be the one. Give me a break. His friends and family would more likely be concerned that he never has a woman with him which makes me think they do see him with someone and that someone is not you. At the very least I would say he doesn't feel very strongly about you or see you in his future. When a man is in love and proud of his woman then he wants his people to meet her. Hey thanks for your comment, believe me Im not really an idioy and every single point you have made he and I have discussed. In fact, we argue - a lot about this. And im a very - passionate person when im arguing - so I wind up cursing him out and calling him names. Hanging up on him - he has made me very bitter - and its not healthy for either of us. For the reasons I mention above his excuse is I break up with him too often for him to "trust my love"....what he cant seem to understand is that - I CANT TRUST HIS LOVE. and it is VERY heartbreaking bc my son does want a man in his life - that's obvious. My guy is very good with my son and they feel in love with each other quickly. Anyways - this situation is being worked on. Im making adjustments and believe me everything you all are saying has been addressed. I just needed to know what the rest of the world thought bc according to him - he doesn't treat me bad nor is he cheating and he cant understand why im so flighty about our situation. SERIOUSLY???? smh
GunslingerRoland Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I just don't get threads like this. If you are dating someone for a few months, you should start to merge lives together to at least some degree. Otherwise you aren't in a relationship, it's more of a FWB thing. 3
Author Sincerelyours Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 I had been in a long term relationship (15 years) before him that ended badly - I had not had an adult relationship other than that. My BF kept telling me that I had no experience and no right to tell him what was "normal" bc I hadn't dated many people. I knew something didn't feel right all along - but I was like a fish out of water ...woman in her mid 30s with a small child getting on the dating scene since NEVER. Trial and error. You live and you learn.
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I had been in a long term relationship (15 years) before him that ended badly - I had not had an adult relationship other than that. My BF kept telling me that I had no experience and no right to tell him what was "normal" bc I hadn't dated many people. I knew something didn't feel right all along - but I was like a fish out of water ...woman in her mid 30s with a small child getting on the dating scene since NEVER. Trial and error. You live and you learn. Your guy has not been kind or fair to you. If it's helpful, I am about the same age and I've been with my guy for about a year. We go back and forth between his house and my house. He's met my family on multiple occasions and we've been out with several of my friends. He's introduced me to his son and we've spent many days together, playing board games, going out for dinner, etc... I haven't met the rest of his family because they do not live in this city, but he has introduced me to several of his friends. He has definitely been proud to introduce me to his friends and it's been very important to him that I spend time with his son every weekend when he stays with my boyfriend. We've talked about travelling together and moving in together. More often than not, it is my boyfriend who has been progressing the relationship and starting these discussions. Your guy is full of BS when he tells you that you are inexperienced and don't understand what is "normal" for a healthy relationship. I can well imagine that you are not the only woman he is dating. The big red flag came early on when he told you that his dating history included multiple relationships - that he was a player. I definitely would not stay with someone who wanted me to be his "secret" girlfriend after two years... He should be proud to have you in his life. You deserve so much more than that! 1
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 His roommate excuse is all wrong. Just because he has a female roommate doesn't mean she's ever going to agree to watch his daughter! So you should tell him that. If he wants a nanny, he'll have to pay for one unless he wants to move in a 65 year old retired grandma with nothing better to do - -and I seriously doubt that's what he's looking for.
Author Sincerelyours Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Your guy has not been kind or fair to you. If it's helpful, I am about the same age and I've been with my guy for about a year. We go back and forth between his house and my house. He's met my family on multiple occasions and we've been out with several of my friends. He's introduced me to his son and we've spent many days together, playing board games, going out for dinner, etc... I haven't met the rest of his family because they do not live in this city, but he has introduced me to several of his friends. He has definitely been proud to introduce me to his friends and it's been very important to him that I spend time with his son every weekend when he stays with my boyfriend. We've talked about travelling together and moving in together. More often than not, it is my boyfriend who has been progressing the relationship and starting these discussions. Your guy is full of BS when he tells you that you are inexperienced and don't understand what is "normal" for a healthy relationship. I can well imagine that you are not the only woman he is dating. The big red flag came early on when he told you that his dating history included multiple relationships - that he was a player. I definitely would not stay with someone who wanted me to be his "secret" girlfriend after two years... He should be proud to have you in his life. You deserve so much more than that! AMEN - THANK YOU. I agree. I feel like a secret but he SWEARS he'd not hiding me. and he claims there are no others. Weird thing is I kinda believe him BUT at the same time don't and would not put anything past him or any other man (or person at that - you never really know people, you know) Also, as far as his past relationships....he said that he has been very forthright with them as well...as far as his dating habits - that most of them knew he was dating other women. That he is NOT a player bc that would mean he did it behind their backs - that he was very upfront with everyone...im guessing even when he had to admit to not being very faithful.
Author Sincerelyours Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 His roommate excuse is all wrong. Just because he has a female roommate doesn't mean she's ever going to agree to watch his daughter! So you should tell him that. If he wants a nanny, he'll have to pay for one unless he wants to move in a 65 year old retired grandma with nothing better to do - -and I seriously doubt that's what he's looking for. LOL . Thanks. He doesn't need anyone to watch his daughter - she's old enough to be home alone. And that's his point. He will be leaving his daughter alone in the house and would prefer if his roomy was a female rather than leaving his daughter alone w a male roommate in the home. Which he would never do but would mean he'd have to take off of work for her entire stay which is probably not feasible. he's been very honest with me about his past....we always have very open conversations...but I dunno why he would think I would be okay with him basically living with another woman when I know of his past... He would prefer to live with me if I allowed it but wont. we don't go from being a secret to suddenly making a huge step like that.
BaileyB Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 He will be leaving his daughter alone in the house and would prefer if his roomy was a female rather than leaving his daughter alone w a male roommate in the home. He would prefer to live with me if I allowed it but wont. we don't go from being a secret to suddenly making a huge step like that. He's got good judgment not to leave his daughter home alone with a male roommate. And, I think you are very wise not to let this man move in with you now. You have a lot to work out and he has a lot to do to prove himself to you before you should consider such a big step. Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes.
Whodatdog Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Hello everyone - Quick backround before I go into a tirade. I'm 38 / hes 40...I have a son who is 4. Sons father not in his life. I've been dating this man for 2 years....have met ZERO of his friends....his choice. Have met ONLY his brother - because I happened to be around when he visited - not planned. He never invites me to events or parties where his friends are. He doesn't want me to go to his baseball games (co-ed mind you). He doesn't invite me to his family's cookout. When his daughter is in town (she's a teen), he cant spend any time with me bc guess what? I haven't met her either. He admits to me that his mother doesn't know who I am. Doesn't know he's seeing anyone. I had to copy and paste your initial post, because its just so preposterous that you keep saying what a nice guy he is after dating for 2 years. What about ANY of this tells you he's a nice guy? How can you even call that dating? He's hiding you, he doesnt want anyone to see you. God only knows if what he's telling you is even true, because you have no involvement whatsoever in his life. After 2 years. How long do you plan on being shoved in the closet while he goes on with his life?
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