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Is my older co worker interested in me in some way or is she just being friendly?

NJ123

By NJ123
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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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She said the one time she's not flirting after she complimented me on my voice saying I have a really manly deep voice. She's complimented me a bunch of other times too calling me handsome the one time, now mentioning my haircut last night. Also I think she mentioned me having muscles or something the one time & made a arm flex pose at me. She didn't even say any words when complimenting me on my hair but just looked and pointed at my hair & gave a thumbs up with a smile. I said thanks than she started giggling & smiling as she walked away. She also almost always looks at me as she walks by to see if I notice her looking. Or even after she's said hi to me before I still noticing her giving me glances when she walks by. Also, the other day on my lunch break she asked why I didn't come sit with her or say hi at the nearby pizza place but I genuinely didn't see her. I mean it seems there's so many signs but I just don't know since she's quite a bit older than me though but it just seems she always goes out of her way to say something to me. Also the fact the one time she said she's not flirting after complimenting me on my voice. I know at the least for sure it's obvious she finds me to be attractive though.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Personally given everything you've said and the fact that she specifically announced that she wasn't flirting when giving you a compliment tells me that she is flirting. If you're giving a harmless compliment it doesn't even cross your mind.

 

I guess the question is, is it a mutual attraction though? What are the ramifications if you get involved with a coworker?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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She's flirting for the fun of it. I doubt she expects anything to come of it. Just because there is attraction doesn't always mean romantic interest.

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SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

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Litmus test:

 

Next company get-together, buy her a drink. The truth will come out that evening...

 

Did for me in the exact same situation. Older coworker was all over me.

 

Down side, and this is a big one: You work together.

 

Don't cr@p where ya' eat.

 

But at least with my idea, you'll know for sure.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Personally given everything you've said and the fact that she specifically announced that she wasn't flirting when giving you a compliment tells me that she is flirting. If you're giving a harmless compliment it doesn't even cross your mind.

 

I guess the question is, is it a mutual attraction though? What are the ramifications if you get involved with a coworker?

 

I've heard someone say that where if a woman says she's not flirting it means she really is. And since she's quite a bit older the only type of thing I could have with her is some sort of casual relationship. I would never say anything to anyone & she doesn't seem like the type that would either so no one would find out about it.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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She's flirting for the fun of it. I doubt she expects anything to come of it. Just because there is attraction doesn't always mean romantic interest.

 

I guess it's possible but there just seems to be a lot of signs of her liking me. I really don't know. It just seems she treats me different than any other guy at work. From what I notice, I don't see her talking with any other guy at all except for me. And all the signs of her going out of her way to say hi among other things.

Dru76 Member

Dru76

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She's probably flirting, but like Smackie said, probably just for fun. How old are the two of you?

LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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She's flirting but telling you not to take it seriously.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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She's probably flirting, but like Smackie said, probably just for fun. How old are the two of you?

 

I'm 31, think she's in her mid-late 40s. Maybe in the 46-50 age range.

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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I've heard someone say that where if a woman says she's not flirting it means she really is. And since she's quite a bit older the only type of thing I could have with her is some sort of casual relationship. I would never say anything to anyone & she doesn't seem like the type that would either so no one would find out about it.

 

Uh huh...and when she says no to sex it means she wants the D.

 

You seem obsessed with this older chick. Are you?

 

No one remembers all of these details without having some interest.

 

Go for it or don't...but having a fling with a coworker probably isn't a great idea.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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No she is not flirting. She is being nice. She genuinely likes you as a person but sees you as a little brother or son.

 

 

The age gap & the fact that it's at work tell me if she was into the cougar thing she'd be way more direct.

 

 

These are just compliments. She may wish she knew a nice girl in her 20s to fix you up with but she has absolutely no designs on you whatsoever.

 

 

Graciously accept any compliments she gives you by politely saying thank you but don't do anything to make work awkward like ask her on a date or try to let her down gently. There's nothing here.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Uh huh...and when she says no to sex it means she wants the D.

 

You seem obsessed with this older chick. Are you?

 

No one remembers all of these details without having some interest.

 

Go for it or don't...but having a fling with a coworker probably isn't a great idea.

 

I wouldn't say obsessed just it's obvious that she treats me different than others. And that's the thing, I don't know if it would be a good idea. And if she says no to go out for drinks or something than it could be awkward afterwards with everytime I see her.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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No she is not flirting. She is being nice. She genuinely likes you as a person but sees you as a little brother or son.

 

 

The age gap & the fact that it's at work tell me if she was into the cougar thing she'd be way more direct.

 

 

These are just compliments. She may wish she knew a nice girl in her 20s to fix you up with but she has absolutely no designs on you whatsoever.

 

 

Graciously accept any compliments she gives you by politely saying thank you but don't do anything to make work awkward like ask her on a date or try to let her down gently. There's nothing here.

 

Yeah, probably you're right. It just sucks that it seems for others these type of things for others usually means attraction but in my case it's just the woman being friendly.

Dru76 Member

Dru76

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Eh, just be friendly and if she's actually into you she'll eventually find some excuse to ask you to go somewhere with her. I'm what you would consider "quite a bit older" than my boyfriend and that's what happened with us. :D We didn't/don't work together though. That's a problem waiting to happen.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Eh, just be friendly and if she's actually into you she'll eventually find some excuse to ask you to go somewhere with her. I'm what you would consider "quite a bit older" than my boyfriend and that's what happened with us. :D We didn't/don't work together though. That's a problem waiting to happen.

 

lol I'm almost sure that won't happen for me. It's likely she would have asked me by now so it's likely just her being nice as others have said.

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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Yeah, probably you're right. It just sucks that it seems for others these type of things for others usually means attraction but in my case it's just the woman being friendly.

 

What sucks about it?

 

Sounds to me like you're not being honest about your attraction to her and wishing for reciprocation.

 

Just speak your mind here or to her or to whomever or to no one. No one can help you if your are such a moving target.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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What sucks about it?

 

Sounds to me like you're not being honest about your attraction to her and wishing for reciprocation.

 

Just speak your mind here or to her or to whomever or to no one. No one can help you if your are such a moving target.

 

What do you mean I'm not being honest? I made the thread so of course I'd want something to happen if possible. I don't understand why you're even saying what you are.

Titanll Established Member

Titanll

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She said the one time she's not flirting after she complimented me on my voice saying I have a really manly deep voice. She's complimented me a bunch of other times too calling me handsome the one time, now mentioning my haircut last night. Also I think she mentioned me having muscles or something the one time & made a arm flex pose at me. She didn't even say any words when complimenting me on my hair but just looked and pointed at my hair & gave a thumbs up with a smile. I said thanks than she started giggling & smiling as she walked away. She also almost always looks at me as she walks by to see if I notice her looking. Or even after she's said hi to me before I still noticing her giving me glances when she walks by. Also, the other day on my lunch break she asked why I didn't come sit with her or say hi at the nearby pizza place but I genuinely didn't see her. I mean it seems there's so many signs but I just don't know since she's quite a bit older than me though but it just seems she always goes out of her way to say something to me. Also the fact the one time she said she's not flirting after complimenting me on my voice. I know at the least for sure it's obvious she finds me to be attractive though.

 

Please point out all of the places that you stated that you would like something to happen? You asked if your coworker is flirting or just being friendly. She said that she wasn't flirting...I guess there's your answer OP.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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Please point out all of the places that you stated that you would like something to happen? You asked if your coworker is flirting or just being friendly. She said that she wasn't flirting...I guess there's your answer OP.

 

It's just some said that when a woman says she's not flirting she really is. But I guess nothing will happen since of the whole working at the same place thing. I just have to forget about it.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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NJ123

 

 

My advice stands. I don't think she's romantically interested in you.

 

 

However, if you asked this Q because you want her to be romantically interested in you, I would caution you to think about the context. Workplace romances are generally bad news. You don't mention your respective roles in the company but if one of you supervises the other, you open a whole harassment can of worms in the event of a break up.

 

 

On balance if you think the risk of dating a co-worker is worth the reward, make a move. I would suggest something really subtle & vague so you have plausible deniability & things don't get awkward when I'm proven right that she doesn't fancy you. Thus I recommend, something like this:

 

Her: [gives you a compliment]

 

 

You: gee thanks.

 

 

Her: no problem or you're welcome

 

 

You: I just wish I knew a woman who would be open to going out with me who gives me as many compliments as you do. You wouldn't happen to know anybody like that, would you? {Give her a pointed look, giving her permission to express her desire to date you}

 

I expect she will offer up a younger woman or say, gee let me think if I can come up with anybody. When she doesn't immediately say that she'd like to date you, you will have proof that she's not interested but you two should be able to continue interacting as work colleagues without awkwardness because nothing was overt.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I don't know there seems to be a lot of older women running HOT for younger men now days. I think this woman is very much attracted to you OP and can't help herself from giving you compliments. She may realize she doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever getting with you but I think she is definitely sexually attracted to you.

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NJ123 Established Member

NJ123

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I don't know there seems to be a lot of older women running HOT for younger men now days. I think this woman is very much attracted to you OP and can't help herself from giving you compliments. She may realize she doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of ever getting with you but I think she is definitely sexually attracted to you.

 

This is why it's confusing. I posted about this on some other site too & it seems on there the responses are more mixed with what you're saying than on here. So I have no idea if she is interested in some way or not.

jjgitties Established Member

jjgitties

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Is she married? It sounds like she is just being friendly in her own particular way. Usually older women who are into jumping younger men don't beat around the bush and get to the point really fast. i.e. if she was trying to seduce you, it would be a lot more obvious.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i dont have a problem with handing out compliments to men or women..boys or girls...i like

people to know i notice things about them.....i do it to be friendly....make them feel good if i feel they are down ro sad or need someone to notice them.... whatever...many reasons why i hand out a compliment...they are all honest and true...

 

as far as guys go ...i compliment good.....if i see good i say it....doesnt mean im flirting.....im more a straight up....hey i want to know you better kinda girl....even more than that...i prefer to be courted by a man....old school and firm in purpose....my age comes into that belief and preference

 

 

.appreciation comes into that complimenting good in men thing...so they keep it up with other women and the people around them....or even to simply build a guys confidence.....in himself.........doesnt mean i want to jump every guy i give a compliment too...i woudl be forever having sex and im actually celibate till marriage

and as far as flirting goes.......with younger guys that to me is an uncomfortable situation to begin with.....to many guys think an older woman is out for one thing and one thing only...why i date older guys with a bit of maturity..........hopefully...even then.....older guys can be immature too

 

 

my advice is ask her out.....be a man ...and ask....if you truly like her....risk rejection......for the simple fact you would like to take her out throw caution to the wind.....you will then know for sure what is going on and if a workplace romance with a younger guy is out of the question for her......no one on here knows her ...or your work place environment.....you actually do know her better....so follow your heart and do what you feel is best.what feels right to do .......

 

..personally i advise you ask her on a date and see where things go...because things either way are going to be awkward if you ask or you dont.....so do it......good luck...deb

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Is she married? It sounds like she is just being friendly in her own particular way. Usually older women who are into jumping younger men don't beat around the bush and get to the point really fast. i.e. if she was trying to seduce you, it would be a lot more obvious.

 

Not all. Some will fear rejection that a younger guy won't want them. If the younger man pursues them it gives them more confidence to date him.

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