Pickslide Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Hi, I appreciate this is a really long post, but I'll be really thankful for any advice! Don't know if I'm about to do something really stupid? I'm going to ask a question at the end of this post... it may make me appear like some loser? A bit desperate? Truth is, I'm not. I feel confident with women, have a couple of exes, and have found getting phone numbers quite easy. I'm 32, from Manchester. The girl I'm going to talk about it 30, from Bradford. Its a little over a 1 hour drive away. So recently, I got back into online dating after breaking up with an ex. I have gotten quite a lot of phone numbers, and have been texting a few girls. But there's this one girl in particular.... So... since I got this girl's number, she's texted me every day for 4/5 weeks straight! Sometimes multiple times a day. She almost always initiates it. We'd text for hours sometimes. And I really enjoyed it! She'd have me in stitches! Also, I feel like she 'gets' me and my humour! We had one date, after about 2 weeks of texting. The date went really well. We both enjoyed it. We kissed a couple of times, held hands, etc. In the past week, she stopped texting (apart from 1 day where I initiated it). And then the other day, I had a text that read “I’ve got to be honest with you. I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone closer to home. I imagine I’ll be seeing him again too. Im sorry”. I asked her to be honest with me... is it the distance between us, or do you like this other guy more? If it was the other guy... I'd have been disappointed, but I'd have dealt with it. However... she said it was the distance. We had been trying to arrange a second date, but its been difficult, because she has a child and has no help from the dad whatsoever. She also works full time. And its now been a month since the date. That conversation continued... I told her I can get to her at least once a week, minimum, if we were to go anywhere. I told her I wanted to come up this week... she thought about it overnight. The following day, she said she didn't think it was a good idea. She had seemed torn in that conversation. She said at one point that I'm making it hard. (I guess this is a good sign, as she must have considered it?). Last point to make: She's had long distance relationships before and they haven't worked. I have had one, and it did work. So here's my burning question... She does like me! So... should I try and do something romantic to prove to her that it could work? Specifically... I was thinking about just going and showing up one day, off the cuff? Maybe with flowers? Is this something she'd think was sweet? Or is she going to think its crazy? (crazy in a bad way?). I dont know where she lives though. So I could ask her? Ask one of her friends on facebook? Or just show up in Bradford then phone her? Leaning towards the 1st and 3rd option here... There's something different about this girl! Special, even! I think about her a hell of a lot! I feel like I'm being a bit weird by saying this after only one date... but that's just how I feel. And so I feel like I can't just give up! I feel like I have to try something. If I try the above and get nowhere... atleast I've tried, right, and I've lost nothing? If I don't try, then I'll never know! But the thought makes me nervous as hell! I did mention that I've got a lot of numbers... but I find most of them boring! A couple of them haven't been interested, or wanted to stop texting, and I haven't been bothered in the slightest! But this girl now is really bothering me! Like I said... theres something different about her! Thanks for reading. Appreciate any advice!
Redhead14 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 DO NOT DO THIS . . . YET. Save it for when things are more established and she's actually told you/showed you where she lives. A man who stalked me in any way and especially to find out my address after only one date, would be left eating my dust and possibly with an RO. I never allowed a man to pick me up on a first date ever because I didn't want him to know where I lived because I didn't know who I was dealing with yet. In fact, it was a number of dates before they could pick me up.
smackie9 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 No just cut your losses....she told you straight she is looking for someone who is closer to her...she's not into the 1 hour distance regardless whether she likes you. To note: she may have used distance as an excuse to get out of it because she met someone she prefers to date. Can't win them all, know when to quit it....this is one of those situations.
Author Pickslide Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Okay... I had the above thought, (whilst feeling depressed) and then instantly posted it on here. .. I'm kind of embarassed now! Moment of madness! It is weird isn't it... I'm not going to do that... In response to "she may be using distance as an excuse"... I know girls use excuses a lot. But this time, I don't think it is. Because, before the texts stopped, she was actually the most recent one to try and arrange something. Thanks. Think I'm just going to try a phone call, and then give up.
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Super desperate. Desperate is not attractive and it's scary too.
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Glad you talked yourself out of it. It's not too terrible that you thought about it. You like her & that makes people do foolish things. It's better that you came to your senses & didn't do this. Some people are just GUD (geographically undesirable) & others like her don't want to deal with the hassle / inconvenience.
frigginlost Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Glad to hear you did not do it. FWIW, there are red flags all over the place regarding her. Re-read what you posted, and keep this in mind "if things seem to good to be true, they probably are". Cut your loses. The distance is an excuse...
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