andrewimecs Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Hello all! Here is some backstory on my situation. About 3 weeks ago I met a girl through Tinder. We started talking a lot and within these 3 weeks we have been on 5 dates. Yesterday marked the 5th date. All the dates went very well and we have some kind of connection. We planned for a 6th date next week. I really like her and I can sense she feels the same way. We kissed on the second date and have pecked each other after every date and even yesterday. I can tell she wants to take it slow and I do not mind as well because in our previous relationships we both got cheated on. My problem is that I am not sure how to really pop the question without turning her off or pushing her away. I do not want to ask her relationship questions if she feels uncomfortable with it. How should I approach this situation? I want to obviously be in a relationship with her and I can sense she wants the same but we never really talk about it. Should we continue to go on dates and let it slowly come naturally? She is also really shy and does not like PDA. I noticed that the hard way after trying to hold her hand and stuff in public. That is totally respectable also considering she is a total bro. She has had guy friends all her life and can easily get embarrassed when holding hands or linking arms. We have also called and talked on the phone a bunch so that is good. Basically we are both going at a nice slow pace but i do not know how to make it an official relationship. I do not know if I should take it slow and keep going on dates or I should somehow ask her how we stand and what do we do from here? I would appreciate any help, thank you!
Pickslide Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Here's my 2 cents... I think I read recently... how many dates before you're in a relationship? And I think the average was 6. With my ex... we never had the talk at all! It was just date after date after date. One day, I just introduced her to some friends as my girlfriend (this had been after a lot of dates mind, I can't remember how many). She later said, it was that moment onwards that she realised we were in a relationship. So you have to judge it yourself. You're almost at date 6 now, so bring it up if you want. I don't think its too soon to. Or you could do what I did. Good luck!
TaxMan Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 After 5-6 dates, and having met her on a dating app, I doubt you'll push her away by having a relationship discussion, so I wouldn't worry about that. However, you could always do what Pickslide suggests and just let it happen naturally. If you're seeing each other this much you obviously both like each other so I might just keep seeing her as often as possible, slowly ramp up the physical stuff and just let it play out naturally. Then the talk may not be necessary. I think it's natural at the stage you're at to wonder about exclusivity and whether the other person is as serious as you, but sometimes it's better to just let things progress naturally. It sounds like everything you're doing is fine - if you're really wondering how she feels, try initiating more physical contact and doing more than "pecking" and see how she responds. That's probably going to tell you just as much about what she's thinking as any conversation could.
Titanll Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 You're official after 6.2 dates, OP. Sounds silly but those are the rules. Ok, I will throw you a bone. Just tell her that you aren't seeing anyone else and just want to date her. If she wants the same the conversation will happen. Why you want to be with a "bro" whatever that means, and someone that doesn't want to hold hands is beyond me but totally your business...
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Personally I think 5-6 dates in 3 weeks, to ask if you're exclusive or to be BF/GF is fast especially if the goal is "taking it slow". I'd wait until you have known her for at least 4-6 weeks. At this stage talking & labeling things can kill fledgling budding relationships. Do be reassuring in your words & acts. Tell her you like her, you're glad you two met & that you are having fun. Ask her how she feels but don't press too hard yet.
smackie9 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 My experience the guy opened with telling me he liked me A LOT.
Author andrewimecs Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Personally I think 5-6 dates in 3 weeks, to ask if you're exclusive or to be BF/GF is fast especially if the goal is "taking it slow". I'd wait until you have known her for at least 4-6 weeks. At this stage talking & labeling things can kill fledgling budding relationships. Do be reassuring in your words & acts. Tell her you like her, you're glad you two met & that you are having fun. Ask her how she feels but don't press too hard yet. I appreciate the advice and when i see her next week and even hopefully this week I will slowly introduce certain relationship ideas. Thank you again! I have one little dilemma here. She told me she is a horrible texter and social media is not really her thing. Sometimes I feel like she does not care enough to respond but I am always proved wrong because she shows that so differently in person. Good thing is she warned me and is not a phone "whore". Do you have any tips and suggestions, when i do see her to pop up some questions without being awkward? Also last date conversations were getting tougher. We had stuff to talk about but not as much as it could have been. What is a good way to have conversations from here on out no matter what it is?
mikeylo Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 You can only have as many coffee dates to talk. Go places. Movies, hiking, some bonding time and switch , then you have something to talk about. Doesn't have to be over the top. Some are texters, others are talkers. If she isn't one but is making an effort out of her comfort zone, then that should tell you something. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Do you have any tips and suggestions, when i do see her to pop up some questions without being awkward? Also last date conversations were getting tougher. We had stuff to talk about but not as much as it could have been. What is a good way to have conversations from here on out no matter what it is? Don't ask Qs. That is putting her on the spot. From her perspective it will feel like you are demanding that she take a risk. Instead, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Talk about how you feel & how much you care. Make statements. "I like you." The see what she says. If she doesn't say anything, that would be a cue to change the subject. If you can't do that, because you want to press a subject she is not ready to talk about, ask her how she feels about your statement that you like her. Do not ask, "Do you like me too?" As for conversation, that should just flow. There is an infinite world of things to discuss -- ask about her day;ask about hopes & dreams;ask about her best vacation ever, her next planned vacation & the dream trip she's always wanted to take;discuss current events (not necessarily the sticky awkward ones like politics but how the local team did, celebrity gossip, plans for Memorial Day etc.)even complain about something not too serious if it's bugging you, e.g. it's allergy season & I can't stop sneezing not OMG I think I'm gonna lose my job or I'm worried about saving for retirement Simply be engaging. But do keep phone conversations relatively brief, under 20 minutes. The secret is creating anticipation -- always leave 'em wanting more.
Author andrewimecs Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Don't ask Qs. That is putting her on the spot. From her perspective it will feel like you are demanding that she take a risk. Instead, allow yourself to be vulnerable. Talk about how you feel & how much you care. Make statements. "I like you." The see what she says. If she doesn't say anything, that would be a cue to change the subject. If you can't do that, because you want to press a subject she is not ready to talk about, ask her how she feels about your statement that you like her. Do not ask, "Do you like me too?" As for conversation, that should just flow. There is an infinite world of things to discuss -- ask about her day;ask about hopes & dreams;ask about her best vacation ever, her next planned vacation & the dream trip she's always wanted to take;discuss current events (not necessarily the sticky awkward ones like politics but how the local team did, celebrity gossip, plans for Memorial Day etc.)even complain about something not too serious if it's bugging you, e.g. it's allergy season & I can't stop sneezing not OMG I think I'm gonna lose my job or I'm worried about saving for retirement Simply be engaging. But do keep phone conversations relatively brief, under 20 minutes. The secret is creating anticipation -- always leave 'em wanting more. I agree with all this and I appreciate your feedback! So a new problem is arising and I am not sure how to deal with it or what to do. So yesterday I sent her a message in the morning saying I hope she has a good day at work because thats what we both have been doing for the last 3 weeks. We also have been sending snapchat pics which lets you know if people have read the message by the way. Anyhow I messaged her yesterday and she did not read my snaps or text me until later that night. Thats fine maybe she is busy and going through some stuff. I obviously texted her back last night having light humour and being considerate of her by asking how her day was. Got no response so I said goodnight i hope you have a great day tomorrow. I also sent her a snap last night to just to be fun and happy and make her smile and laugh. I woke up this morning to see her reading my snap and not replying. Snapchat is mobile so that means she is on her phone and therefore she must be reading my texts. This is very odd because she usually responds to me one way or another whether it is texts or snapchat. I will be honest this worries me because this is new behaviour and I am extremely confused why she is kind of ghosting me now. Again she did warn me 1 week ago she is a horrible texter but I know she is on her phone especially reading her snapchats.I also know there was some frequency with texting and yesterday there was none as well as today .I am not sure what to do and I am getting very nervous. What do you think I should do from here?
Author andrewimecs Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 The past two days she has been going hot and cold with me. I am not sure what to do or how to handle this. What is a good way to deal with this and somehow building attraction with her through this tough time?
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 The past two days she has been going hot and cold with me. I am not sure what to do or how to handle this. What is a good way to deal with this and somehow building attraction with her through this tough time? This isn't a tough time. She is expressing her preference to build a relationship in person. She doesn't want a virtual relationship through texting. Schedule a new date & don't worry so much 1
mikeylo Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I'm getting a feeling that you find difficult to interact in person. Texting should be kept to a bare minimum. Most communication should be in person. Snapchat etc is too childish tbh.
Author andrewimecs Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 This isn't a tough time. She is expressing her preference to build a relationship in person. She doesn't want a virtual relationship through texting. Schedule a new date & don't worry so much We scheduled one for Tuesday. I am going to keep texting at a bare minimum. The reason i am saying all this is because we were texting pretty frequently for the last 3 weeks and now I m getting nothing at all out of the blue. Should i wait a couple days and message her or message her Monday before the date. What do you think?
Author andrewimecs Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 I'm getting a feeling that you find difficult to interact in person. Texting should be kept to a bare minimum. Most communication should be in person. Snapchat etc is too childish tbh. I actually love to interact in person it is just so tough right now to see each other because we are so busy. I will being seeing her Tuesday I hope. I understand that snapchat can be childish. When do you think i should talk to her then now that i kind of got the cold shoulder from her out of the blue.
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