bruzli2 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 One month ago I broke up with my girlfriend because I did't know how to react to a crush from work...I thought that since I had feelings for that other girl I couldn't continue the relationship and I also had expectations that grass will be greener on the other side. [At the beginning of our relationship, I found out that she still had something unsolved with her ex, she lied me me that she didn't talk with him but I saw her messages. But after a while, she stopped talking with him and I trusted her. Anyways, we had three serious fights and each one ended with her telling me that she wanted to break up and with me talking with other girls. But every time we managed to talk it through and get back together(even tough our mutual trust was quite shattered). So me and my ex had an on and off relationship for two years, things deteriorated in the last few months(inactivity, monotony, constant fights, etc) and it all culminated with this crush. ] During the one month NC period, I started dating the crush, but didn't took things too far. I also dated other girls(again, nothing serious), but I still had feelings for my ex, I guess it's somehow normal even tough I was the dumper. Last week one of my best friends committed suicide during a severe psyhosis episode. A close friend told my ex too and she called me for condoleances. I was confused and emotionally instable and saw the whole thing as a sign that we should give it another chance. We discussed my crush problem and I understood I have problems that I need to address(I appointed for therapy). We met and reconnected somehow, went to a concert and felt really good(even tough I felt it was strange and the whole recent situation popped up in my head). Yesterday I started to feel anxious about this whole new thing and felt that reconnecting with her so fast it's not the best idea. I need more time to deal with the grief after my best friend's suicide and, even tough I still have strong feelings for her, I need some time alone to get better and also solve my "grass is greener on the other side"/imaturity problems. I don't want to hurt her again. I told her this today and she didn't take it well, of course, we got back to our fights and old problems. She told me I'm ****ed up/the most miserable man on earth and that I blew up the second chance she gave me. Now I feel miserable(maybe because I am), I still have strong feelings for her, but I think I did the right choice since I haven't changed much in the last month and I don't want to make her suffer...wish I wasnt so emotionally unstable last week when she called me.
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 The way you handled your crush, since you badly wanted to pursue it, was perfectly fine. It was best you broke up before you chased another woman, even though of course it hurt her and left you feeling unsure. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Yes, take time to process that. But after that if you feel like it, ask your ex out again. You're doing the right thing seeing a therapist if you feel like this is a problem that has always sabotaged your relationships. Maybe you are too impulsive and can't stop yourself from having that grass is greener issue without some insight into why you're like that. I hope it helps. I think you sound like a decent person who is trying to fix himself so he doesn't continue to hurt others. Let this ex know you're going to work on yourself awhile before dating her again because you don't want to hurt her again, but maybe stay in touch once every couple of weeks or whatever. Good luck.
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