Mkn1010 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 What is it with this situation that I've seen time and time again... Example: have been chatting to a guy for a couple of weeks via text and there have been days where he replies a day or two later. I really don't mind as I just keep doing my thing and I'm not investing in this storyline. But the ONE time I delayed in replying to his message (and only by 4 hours), I get the following Text 1: "hrmm" Text 2: "no reply is a bit ominous" Then later text 3: "Thank you for being so caring and it's been great getting to know you. Take care" All before I had a chance to reply and all from a dude who consistently texted me back really late!! Does anyone have any thoughts on why people dish out this behaviour if they don't like when it happens to them?? 2
jjgitties Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Thats sort of what people are like. No one likes the taste of their own medicine. Its entirely reasonable to assume the guy was completely oblivious of the effect that his delayed texts back to you had on you. He justified it as "I am too busy to reply now". Anyway,s FWIW, a guy who is that insecure that he says "C ya" just because you aren't texting him back fast enough is going to have issues as you get to know him. Run for the hills.. 4
ChatroomHero Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Maybe a combination of insecurity and trying to control the upper hand in a relationship. Probably a bit self-centered too. When he is too busy to respond, he is too busy. When he is not too busy, cannot understand that everyone else is not busy. This is the type of person that if you ask them to do something and they have a lot going on, tell you there how busy they are and expect you to understand. When they are free and you are swamped, if you don't drop everything they have no empathy and think you are somehow slighting them. Just a guess. 5
anduina Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 You're lucky that you exposed his hypocrisy so quickly! 2
Titanll Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 You're lucky that you exposed his hypocrisy so quickly! Exactly! He gift wrapped that crap for ya! Next...why bother? 1
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Unthinking idiots with double standards, controlling or insecure. It's as good a filter as any to weed online people out.
Redhead14 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Here's the thing . . . they do it because they are playing games or are less than sincere, whatever, so when it happens to them, they project that onto the other person. They assume that other people do what they do . . . so, in the end, you've dodged a bullet 2
Miss Spider Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Lol. That's funny. I really don't get all these people that say" he/she didn't text me back until a day later "...or "he/she didn't contact me at all for 3 days" what??? And they're like 'seeing' each other! Years ago, a guy texted me "hey what's up" and I texted back "blah blahblah, you?" and I remember he took a day about to the hour to respond. I deleted and blocked and never spoke to him again. I can't imagine regularly dating someone who pulls that crap. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. 1
SevenCity Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Lol. That's funny. I really don't get all these people that say" he/she didn't text me back until a day later "...or "he/she didn't contact me at all for 3 days" what??? And they're like 'seeing' each other! Years ago, a guy texted me "hey what's up" and I texted back "blah blahblah, you?" and I remember he took a day about to the hour to respond. I deleted and blocked and never spoke to him again. I can't imagine regularly dating someone who pulls that crap. I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. I'm confused. You say you don't get these people who get upset when they don't receive a timely response but blocked a guy who took a day to respond? Usually the timeliness of the reply is based on interest level but people can get busy. I dont make an issue if women take too long to get back to me. Most women do have issues if you take too long to get back though. I've been blocked a couple times on dating sites because I took a few days to respond. 2
Author Mkn1010 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 I totally agree that it's a tactic to control the upper hand in a relationship due to feelings of insecurity. I ended up replying and calling him out on the fact that his replies were consistently delayed and so it strikes me as extremely odd that he would take in issue in my one slightly delayed reply due to being genuinely busy. I also said that sending a 'take care' message was lame so I wouldn't be doing that. He didn't reply, but I totally expect that he will later today or tomorrow, once again whenever he feels like it. And then expect me to jump at it. Such manipulation!!
olivetree Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I'm confused. You say you don't get these people who get upset when they don't receive a timely response but blocked a guy who took a day to respond? Usually the timeliness of the reply is based on interest level but people can get busy. I dont make an issue if women take too long to get back to me. Most women do have issues if you take too long to get back though. I've been blocked a couple times on dating sites because I took a few days to respond. I think Cookies is saying she doesn't understand people who put up with that crap (people that take eons to respond). 1
Miss Spider Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I'm confused. You say you don't get these people who get upset when they don't receive a timely response but blocked a guy who took a day to respond? Usually the timeliness of the reply is based on interest level but people can get busy. I dont make an issue if women take too long to get back to me. Most women do have issues if you take too long to get back though. I've been blocked a couple times on dating sites because I took a few days to respond. Nooo, I get people that take a day + to respond. Simple - low interest or game playing. I don't get people who bother with them. There's literally no other reason, sans an emergency that you excuse yourself for, for not responding for a day. It should be a rare occurrence. Everyone has their phone on them...takes 3 secs to shoot a text...I don't believe a person could have no time to write a couple words in 24 hours if they have time to go to bathroom 1
Author Mkn1010 Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Nooo, I get people that take a day + to respond. Simple - low interest or game playing. I don't get people who bother with them. There's literally no other reason, sans an emergency that you excuse yourself for, for not responding for a day. It should be a rare occurrence. Everyone has their phone on them...takes 3 secs to shoot a text...I don't believe a person could have no time to write a couple words in 24 hours if they have time to go to bathroom I personally don't have too much of an issue with delayed replies INITIALLY because, even if it's due to low interest, that's understandable that you're not going to prioritize or be super interested in someone right away when you don't know them and/or haven't met. I don't expect someone who hasn't met me to be super diligent with replying to messages. In the case of this guy, we've never met and also I mentioned to him that I just wanted to be friends. So I don't expect all of my friends to reply quickly and sometimes I reply to them 1-2 later, but it's not a reflection of how much I value the friendship. 1
Miss Spider Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 I personally don't have too much of an issue with delayed replies INITIALLY because, even if it's due to low interest, that's understandable that you're not going to prioritize or be super interested in someone right away when you don't know them and/or haven't met. I don't expect someone who hasn't met me to be super diligent with replying to messages. In the case of this guy, we've never met and also I mentioned to him that I just wanted to be friends. So I don't expect all of my friends to reply quickly and sometimes I reply to them 1-2 later, but it's not a reflection of how much I value the friendship. I see what you mean, mkn. Thanks for explaining. I feel like if you haven't met, like from online, it's understandable...but once I meet a guy in person, especially after a first date, I would like to consider myself priority enough to be issued a text response. xD I understand not being a priority for a sat night after 1 date, but I certainly hope I'm priority enough to type out 5 words. If that's too much effort for a interested man, I just don't think we'd work out. Checking up on friends is a bit different...but I usually respond within a day or two.
starrynight4321 Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) That's some severe insecurity packaged with extremely entitled behavior! Be glad he showed you those characteristics early on. He's too self-absorbed probably to even realize that he's delaying more than you ever did and he expects you to put in more effort than he does. NOPE! You can do a lot better than this guy, who is riddled with red flags. Edited May 17, 2017 by starrynight4321
CoolJoe Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 Yikes. As a poster stated, most people can dish it but they can't take it. Be glad it ended where it did.
Shining One Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 There's literally no other reason, sans an emergency that you excuse yourself for, for not responding for a day. It should be a rare occurrence. Everyone has their phone on them...takes 3 secs to shoot a text...I don't believe a person could have no time to write a couple words in 24 hours if they have time to go to bathroomI disagree. Try working in a datacenter which acts like a giant Faraday cage. Your phone won't work in there and if you're there long enough, your phone is dead by the time you leave. I did have a woman complain about my delayed replies, despite me explaining the technical details to her.
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