Communication after the first date

[hamsterhouse]

I've been on a number of dates since January, and within that time there have only been a couple girls who I was really into. Sometimes it turned into date 2, sometimes it fizzled out. I feel like part of my problem is the communication after the first date. I never know who should reach out first, and usually it's me. That said, I'm a ROBOT when it comes to the followup texts.

 

For example, just yesterday I went to get coffee with a girl who I really liked. She wouldn't take her eyes off me, I had her laughing, the conversation was productive and she led a good portion of it. After about an hour I suggested we go to a park to talk, she agreed and we drove there (separately). It was next to a lake, so we sat on some rocks staring at the lake just talking. Or rather, I stared at the lake while she mostly stared at me. After another hour of that we had to part ways. I suggested date 2 (which won't be until the weekend after this) and she agreed. She went in for a hug and we parted ways.

 

So today, after having not heard from her, I assumed it should be my role to reach out. I basically said "Hey, I had a really great time yesterday. Hope you're having a great day!" To which she responded later "I did too! It was so nice to meet you!" Along with a couple other pleasantries. I didn't respond.

 

Based on what she said I'm not sure if she's actually into me or just being nice. Some friends who I've shown this to said it looks promising, but I'm just not convinced. I'm wondering if she's also just not the texting type. We had a decent conversation in the dating app, but once we established a date and exchanged numbers I only texted her once to confirm the time. When we met though, she was super conversational and inquisitive.

 

So, moving forward, how should I go about pursuing conversation with this girl? We won't be meeting for a couple of weeks, and that's a long time to go without speaking to her, especially after only one date. How do I #1 gauge her interest, but #2 prevent it from fizzling out?

[smackie9]

You just fire off a text that is related to one of the convos you had providing that is what you want to do, or just forward her a selfie with a funny caption. If she really likes animals send her a pic of a puppy or something like that...just be random.

 

In the meantime, go out with other women.

[salparadise]

I assumed it should be my role to reach out. I basically said "Hey, I had a really great time yesterday. Hope you're having a great day!" To which she responded later "I did too! It was so nice to meet you!" Along with a couple other pleasantries. I didn't respond.

 

I'm not sure if she's actually into me or just being nice.

 

How do I #1 gauge her interest, but #2 prevent it from fizzling out?

 

If they're not into you they typically send that message by not responding. The fact that she sounded genuine and added a few extra pleasantries says she's interested.

 

Into you vs. being nice: Dude, you had one date. Do you really expect her to be head over heels? Keep the expectation in check and consider it a good sign that she seems interested in a second date.

 

Gauge her interest: OMG, if I hear that phrase again I'm going to scream... but it's usually the women stuck in the Victorian era mentality saying it. You know, feigning demure and seeing if he pursues diligently as a way to gauge his interest. You should just accept that you can't know at this time; all you know is that she has agreed to a second date. It could fall through though since it's two weeks away. It's not something you can control, so don't worry about it and don't get your cart before the horse.

 

Just stay in touch every couple of days, ask a question about something you know she's interested in, send pics like smackie said, and relax. Being overly anxious is not attractive.

[hamsterhouse]

If they're not into you they typically send that message by not responding. The fact that she sounded genuine and added a few extra pleasantries says she's interested.

 

Into you vs. being nice: Dude, you had one date. Do you really expect her to be head over heels? Keep the expectation in check and consider it a good sign that she seems interested in a second date.

 

Gauge her interest: OMG, if I hear that phrase again I'm going to scream... but it's usually the women stuck in the Victorian era mentality saying it. You know, feigning demure and seeing if he pursues diligently as a way to gauge his interest. You should just accept that you can't know at this time; all you know is that she has agreed to a second date. It could fall through though since it's two weeks away. It's not something you can control, so don't worry about it and don't get your cart before the horse.

 

Just stay in touch every couple of days, ask a question about something you know she's interested in, send pics like smackie said, and relax. Being overly anxious is not attractive.

 

I don't expect her to be head over heels for me after the first date, but I usually expect there to be a clearer indicator of how into me she is afterwards. To be frank, though, usually I don't. One girl I went out on 5 dates a few months ago didn't show me a ton of interest in text, but always agreed to the date.

 

I did end up texting her the next day, just some stuff about a band she recommended to me and we briefly texted back and forth until she had to go to bed. That was a couple of days ago. Still, it's hard to say because she usually seems optimistic, exclamation points, etc., but just isn't that communicative through text. Maybe that's just how she is? We spoke for a couple of days on the dating app before we agreed to meet and exchanged numbers, then we didn't talk for about 3 days until we met in person. I guess with my dating history I'm just used to the women being more forward.

 

So, initially we made a date for next weekend because I was going to be out of town this weekend, but my plans were actually cancelled. A few friends suggested that I reach out to her asking if she's free. My gut is telling me this is a desperate act and I should still hold off until next weekend, but hey, maybe this is a blessing?