Faith2290 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I need help!!! Met and started dating November 2016. 8 months into dating I lost my job, found out my dad (who I haven't spoke too for years had terminal cancer) She was supportive and great, but I was in a deep depression. I found a new better job quick. Dad situation still was getting worse. Instead of opening up I pushed her away. She started hanging with a guy from work who openly asked her to have sex with him (married) and she told me! I tried to keep my cool but asked if she was cheating on me after months of feeling her fade away . Obviously wrong then. Broke up with me by asking for space, month later got her stuff. I was shattered kept my cool and moved on. She came back and was just sex all the time and passion thought we were on our way back. Was upset we she wouldn't see me during the holidays and my brain said move on. Then poof gone. Hanging and always talking about married guy... NC always but she randomly initiates "miss you" "Can we hang" then poof gone after I engage and flakes. Finally met up and during the date asked to see me again kissed passionately and on our way. You guessed it poof! Like clock work she is back again contacted me and once I engage poof! Since breakup: Dad and me are better then ever I manned up and forgave our past and moved on. Good news once we worked our differences Cancer free!! New job going great Top sales at work and best employee. Hired a personal trainer and quit smoking. Lost depression weight. Volunteering and doing things that make me happy. She is the love of my life and just would like advice, because she is flaky and it hurts more each time. Not sure what to do? Brain and every bone in my body says move on but my heart will not let me. I am 27 and she is 22. (Maturity) We had plans to get married and start a life together then all hell broke loose. I had issues prior and now life is back on track with one thing missing. I would like a mature response to end the games and find out what the hell she wants from me. Tried it all. NC but will not ignore when she reaches out. Didn't beg, gave her space when she asked. Didn't show jealousy or act crazy during break up. Feel like i have done everything right. Honestly need help. Thank you, Faith2290
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 She is 22 and seeing a married man. If you believe they aren't fooling around, I have a bridge to sell you. She has a lot of growing up to do before she settles down, and you two don't have a strong enough foundation to even consider marriage so I wouldn't stress over that. What is most likely happening is that she comes to you when Mr. Married isn't available or giving her attention. And when he is, she disappears on you. Cut this off. Let her know that if she wants to talk reconciliation, you're open to it but otherwise you need to go No Contact. Keep working on you. Congratulations on your dad's good news as well; that's a blessing. Focus on fostering this second chance you and he have together. Get yourself healthy. If she wants to be part of that and your happier life, she knows where to find you. But you need to stop allowing her to blow in and out when she feels like it - that will get you nowhere fast. 3
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 She is the love of my life What the....! I've seen a lot on these forums but I really didn't see that coming. Look, you met this woman in December 2016, that is 5 months ago. She's cheating on you with a married co-worker. She has dumped you numerous times and disappeared from your life, she is flaky and goes silent on you all the time. You've had so much drama with her. All this within 5 months of getting together. In no way, shape or form is she the "love of your life"! It doesn't even sound as though she likes you very much. But she enjoys playing with you, like a cat enjoys playing with a mouse. It sounds as though your life is going GREAT at the moment! You just need to cut this one bad element (her) out of it. She is no good for you. I'm amazed you can't see this. Just read what you've written about her! Does that sound like the actions of someone who loves you???
Author Faith2290 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 I made a mistake. We dated for a year exclusive and she was all about me until i went in that depression and lost my self. She states she never cheated on me and said that is what hurts the most that I would suggest that. Personally I was a bit of a womanizer before her and cant help think this is karma. I realize what she is doing contacting me when he is not around, but I cant help but keep my communication open. Let me be clear, only respond when she reaches out. We dated for a year before this went down. I cant put into words what we have been through and how much I want to hold on. Another part of me believes that maybe since she is the first woman I allowed my self to be vulnerable with and 1st time dumped is why this is so hard.
PegNosePete Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Oh right - that does explain the dates somewhat. But I maintain my opinion in the rest of my post, that the "love of your life" would never behave as she has done. She cheated (despite what she says) and often ignores and rejects you. Whether you love her or not, she clearly does NOT love you.
Author Faith2290 Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Thanks for the insight. I'll try to convince myself to look at the facts. A part of me believes that holding on and keeping faith will work out.
dumbass2 Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 If this is your first love, it's gonna be tough for you. I can tell you one thing for certain, she didn't feel nearly the same about you. This is where you'll need to start learning about would you should tolerate in a mutual loving relationship and be able to have boundaries that have consequences once crossed. She cheated on you and is willing to be with a married man. Really think hard about wanting to still have this type of woman in your life. You should start ignoring her contacts. You are not in NC just because you don't initiate. By you responding every time she contacts you tells her that she has you wrapped around her finger. If she cared at all about you she would stop contacting you as you obviously are not the one for her.
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