ExposedBrick Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I'm dating two very different girls. Both have very strong qualities and are great in their own way. Girl 1: I have been seeing her about 8 weeks with 1 or 2 dates per week. She is a girly, girl. We have excellent physical and conversational chemistry, she generally laughs at my jokes and we laugh a lot together. However, we don't have a ton of common interests and are actually opposites in many ways. We have been texting daily. We haven't had sex as we both agreed it would be best to avoid until exclusive, but have done pretty much everything else. Nonetheless, despite things not looking great on paper, I enjoy my time with her a lot. Girl 2: I have been on 3 dates with her but they have been fairly spread apart. We have very similar personalities and a lot of common interests. On paper things look great, but for some reason it just feels kind of flat. I'm not sure if it just feels flat compared to girl 1 since we haven't been on as many dates. Honestly, I wasn't feeling our first date until it was uncovered that we happen to actually live in the same apartment building despite meeting online. That led to a very funny conversation as you could imagine. She is definitely more of a Tom-boy type, which unfortunately I'm not very attracted to. Honestly, she teeters on fulfilling my minimum attractiveness standard. Basically, it boils down to having better chemistry with 1, and better compatibility with 2. I wish I was more attracted to girl 2. I feel bad but I just don't think girl 2 is my type in terms of physical attractiveness. Girl 1 doesn't seem as compatible though. Should I feel guilty for not being physically attracted to 2? Is it wrong to base a relationship choice based on chemistry?
central Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 Chemistry is important, and despite greater compatibility with #2, she doesn't do it for you. Let her go. As for #1, I would see her as a fun partner for a while, but isn't sufficiently compatible for long term. Ideally, you'd let her go as well, or continue as you are (i.e., more as friends), and keep looking for someone with compatibility AND chemistry.
Satu Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 If you can't decide which one to be with, you probably shouldn't be with either of them. Take care. 7
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 This isn't a decision you can make logically. Date the one that gets your motor running.
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I think you should go with your gut before you have strangers on the internet choose the best partner for you based on brief resumes. 4
Author ExposedBrick Posted May 15, 2017 Author Posted May 15, 2017 Chemistry is important, and despite greater compatibility with #2, she doesn't do it for you. Let her go. As for #1, I would see her as a fun partner for a while, but isn't sufficiently compatible for long term. Ideally, you'd let her go as well, or continue as you are (i.e., more as friends), and keep looking for someone with compatibility AND chemistry. 1. Do you think greater chemistry could develop with 2? 2. Is an opposites attract situation not likely to be successful in the long run with 1?
Author ExposedBrick Posted May 15, 2017 Author Posted May 15, 2017 I think you should go with your gut before you have strangers on the internet choose the best partner for you based on brief resumes. Unfortunately, I feel like my gut is confused here. They both seem like they have half the recipe for what I want. The main thing with 1 is she is more of a homebody/light weight drinker and I like to socialize/heavily drink, so unless she is fine with me leaving her home a good amount, I don't think things will work out.
Titanll Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 This is actually the second time that I have used this line but I'm sticking with it. I choose 3. You know, the girl that you don't have to ask about. I know, not very helpful. Ok, I choose girl number one if that's your only two choices. 2
Miss Spider Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 Unfortunately, I feel like my gut is confused here. They both seem like they have half the recipe for what I want. The main thing with 1 is she is more of a homebody/light weight drinker and I like to socialize/heavily drink, so unless she is fine with me leaving her home a good amount, I don't think things will work out. Then I will have to echo Satu and Titan II. Neither one is right. You want the full recipe or least a lot closer than half or that cake just not gonna work. You need to feel that pull. 2
kendahke Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 It's time for you to find girl #3... neither of these are fitting the bill and you will always think you settled. 3
kendahke Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I like to heavily drink, Do your liver a huge favor: try to figure out a way to lessen this. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted May 15, 2017 Author Posted May 15, 2017 It's time for you to find girl #3... neither of these are fitting the bill and you will always think you settled. How do you determine if you are settling vs. being overly critical? I think I caught some feels for 1 this weekend, but she has similar qualities to an ex so I'm concerned it will end the same way.
Author ExposedBrick Posted May 15, 2017 Author Posted May 15, 2017 Do your liver a huge favor: try to figure out a way to lessen this. I'm just trying to be realistic. All my close friends and I are fairly heavy drinkers. We're not alcoholics but we like to party. It's just a common thread I have identified. Is it healthy? No Is it a part of our culture? Yes Is it a part of me? Yes Part of me wonders if it's better to be with someone who only drinks lightly for my own good. However, historically, it's just made me frustrated when the homebody wants to head home after the second round.
CptCodi Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 You can't force chemistry. You either click or you don't. You can however, make sacrifices and learning to be interested in your SO interested. If my SO like reggae music I'm going to go to a reggae show with her even if I don't like that music.
NTV Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 If you're in party mode, then why tie yourself down with a relationship? 1
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