Feeling uneasy about introducing boyfriend to attractive friends?

[babybrowns]

I possess a bit of insecurity, and it's making me feel uneasy about introducing my boyfriend to 2 of my female friends, who don't know each other but are two of my best friends. We are all in our mid-late twenties.

 

It is not that I don't trust them or my boyfriend; on the contrary I do very much. But I am worried about feeling 'ordinary' beside them in his eyes.

 

These girls are man-magnets and are absolutely stunning, to the point that whenever I have been out with either of them I am ignored and apparently invisible next to them, and made to feel like the underdog. It's nothing to do with personality; one of them is extremely shy and quiet and the other one is socially similar to me.

 

Almost all my male friends who have met these girls have been smitten by them and tried to pursue them, and I wouldn't be surprised if my boyfriend were to share some of this lust even if he cannot 'act' on it. I recently posted some pictures of me with one of these girls on social media and my boyfriend expressed a bit of interest and asked me about her a few days later.

 

In short, I know it'll end up upsetting me when I see how he looks at and talks to these friends of mine when he meets them and thus would choose to avoid introducing them, but I am thinking of doing a party soon where he will meet them.

 

I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and can offer me some advice? Many thanks

Edited May 15, 2017 by babybrowns

[CptInsano]

All I can say is: Do you think your boyfriend doesn't meet other attractive women in his daily life? Do you think these women render him powerless, he falls under their spell, and loses all control?

 

Please, have some faith in your boyfriend. If you can't, the issue is something else entirely.

[d0nnivain]

I had the same "problem" in my teens & 20s. I was the brunette brainiac & all my BFFs were the hot bombshell blondes. What saved me was most guys who wanted to date me weren't into my friends. Of course the guys could appreciate how hot my friends were but they weren't the greatest conversationalists so I had little reason to believe that the guys who dated me were going to dump me for my friends. Plus my friends were incredibly loyal. Over the years there were a few guys who tried to get with my friends. My friends would give these guys enough rope to hang themselves, then tell me all about it so I could dump the guy. Of course, out of respect for me the girls never dated the guys who would go behind my back; the girls had enough self respect to not date men with no integrity.

 

 

Yes, there were times, especially when I was younger, when brains counted for less, that I felt inferior. But I always tried to focus on my good qualities.

[babybrowns]

All I can say is: Do you think your boyfriend doesn't meet other attractive women in his daily life? Do you think these women render him powerless, he falls under their spell, and loses all control?

 

Please, have some faith in your boyfriend. If you can't, the issue is something else entirely.

 

Of course he would and it is a fact of life. The difference is that I don't have to be present to witness any apparant signs of interest he presents when meeting them. When it comes to my friends it would be different; I'd be seeing his eyes fill with stars when I introduce him to these people he apparently has to get on with, and it won't be the only time he'll be seeing them. Or asking me how they're doing. What's more it can be avoided, that's what I'm contemplating.

Edited May 15, 2017 by babybrowns

[mikeylo]

Consider it as a character test right in the beginning of your relationship with him. If he slips, it's not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. If your friends overstep, they you need to replace them pretty fast to avoid ruining your love life forever.

[babybrowns]

I had the same "problem" in my teens & 20s. I was the brunette brainiac & all my BFFs were the hot bombshell blondes. What saved me was most guys who wanted to date me weren't into my friends. Of course the guys could appreciate how hot my friends were but they weren't the greatest conversationalists so I had little reason to believe that the guys who dated me were going to dump me for my friends. Plus my friends were incredibly loyal. Over the years there were a few guys who tried to get with my friends. My friends would give these guys enough rope to hang themselves, then tell me all about it so I could dump the guy. Of course, out of respect for me the girls never dated the guys who would go behind my back; the girls had enough self respect to not date men with no integrity.

 

 

Yes, there were times, especially when I was younger, when brains counted for less, that I felt inferior. But I always tried to focus on my good qualities.

 

Thanks for sharing this. Yes I have a similar situation; my friends are very loyal and so is my boyfriend; none of them would betray me at all. I'm just not looking forward to the testosterone running when he meets these women and it'll make me feel low at my own party.

 

My ex boyfriend had very much of a wandering eye and would lust after every member of the opposite sex he met when we were together, even in front of me, a relationship which I regret very much and which took away a lot of my self esteem. My current boyfriend never expresses interest in other women in front of me but I know he will find these friends of mine attractive and I won't like it. :-/

[CptInsano]

Of course he would and it is a fact of life. The difference is that I don't have to be present to witness any apparant signs of interest he presents when meeting them. When it comes to my friends it would be different; I'd be seeing his eyes fill with stars when I introduce him to these people he apparently has to get on with, and it won't be the only time he'll be seeing them. Or asking me how they're doing. What's more it can be avoided, that's what I'm contemplating.

 

Does her get starry-eyed when he sees attractive women in public? I mean, at the end of the day these are your friends, and he would have less of a chance with them than he would with a random stranger.

 

I mean, I ran into the "attractive friend" dilemma as a guy before, but even though her friends were indeed attractive, they never posed a threat to the relationship.

 

P.S.: I think it's the memory of your ex-bf that is playing tricks on you.

[smackie9]

When I was young, I remember my friend pulling me aside and sternly telling me to "stay away from him!". I found this insulting because it showed what she thought of me, when I wasn't like that at all. Yes I attracted guys, but I wasn't some ho or man eater.

 

You better get a grip on your emotions or you will lose your friends and your BF. It's no fault of theirs if they attract guys, and if your BF can't keep it in his pants on so to speak, then he is just that type of guy, not because you have attractive friends.

[amaysngrace]

Are your friends flirts or attention whores or something? Will they flirt with him in front of you and have they done that before with your last BF?

[Tressugar]

Or you can do what my friend did to me...and that is to never let me meet her boyfriends. She claimed that all of her boyfriends dumped her when they met me. I beg to differ...

 

I'll go on to say that I've never dated anyone my friend has previously dated.

 

The choice is yours to take!

[O'Malley]

Introduce your boyfriend with confidence and optimism. Attraction is subjective, even when it comes to the more physically beautiful. If you are overly focused on your friends' appearances in comparison to your own, you might be projecting that feeling in public or falling into a self defeating pattern.

 

If anything, consider meetups a litmus test. It's normal to notice someone who is quite attractive (as you would notice a stranger on the street who stands out for his handsomeness) but any one worth their salt isn't going to be ogling, flirting or otherwise focusing on their partner's friends.

[Timshel]

Of course he would and it is a fact of life. The difference is that I don't have to be present to witness any apparant signs of interest he presents when meeting them. When it comes to my friends it would be different; I'd be seeing his eyes fill with stars when I introduce him to these people he apparently has to get on with, and it won't be the only time he'll be seeing them. Or asking me how they're doing. What's more it can be avoided, that's what I'm contemplating.

 

This is so unfair for your friends and bf. You have put them in a catch 22 where there is nothing they can do properly. I have lost women friends for this reason after my husband passed and it hurt me deeply.

 

Come on babybrowns, give the people who care about you a chance. As other posters have said....if he has googly eyes for your friends 1. It isn't their fault if they aren't provoking him and 2. It's an excellent filtering experience. Let him show you who he is, better now than later.

[preraph]

Don't do it when it can be avoided. There's not a man alive who won't try it if they're that tempting. Of course, it should be said that you shouldn't hang on to these "friends" if either of them are unethical enough to have a go at your dates. So be sure your friends have good ethics, but do not assume they do. This can be a huge problem.

[bluefeather]

There's not a man alive who won't try it if they're that tempting.

 

Let me tell you something: No one is ever prettier or hotter than the girl I am with. No one.

[d0nnivain]

babybrown

 

 

Your insecurity & your EX's past bad behavior are getting the best of you. Just because your EX lusted after anything female doesn't mean your current guy will. You already acknowledged that he isn't like that in general. So if he can keep from visibly lusting after strange women, give him some credit that he has enough couth not to react to your friends.

 

 

Try to focus on the fact that he chose to date you. He PICKED you. Assume he had choices & good taste. Stop selling yourself short because the insecurity is way less attractive then any perceived physical deficiency.

[BlueIvy]

If you don't get over your insecurity, your friends and relationships will suffer.

 

Obviously, if your boyfriend seems interested in your friends, then let him go. And obviously, if your friends try to flirt or mess with your man, let them go.

But you're making a lot of assumptions based on insecurity. Also, he is with YOU so there is something you have that he likes. Also, I'm sure he sees attractive women al the time so not introducing him to your friends is suppose to do what??

[Sweetfish]

Of course he would and it is a fact of life. The difference is that I don't have to be present to witness any apparant signs of interest he presents when meeting them. When it comes to my friends it would be different; I'd be seeing his eyes fill with stars when I introduce him to these people he apparently has to get on with, and it won't be the only time he'll be seeing them. Or asking me how they're doing. What's more it can be avoided, that's what I'm contemplating.

 

 

Stop making this complex and call him on it.. but be cheeky about it. Let him know..! best bet if you got all hot and heavy over a guy he may not like it hom self.

 

Dont hide how you feel. Its impossible to be the best looking person on earth.. but thank god your not the ugliest right? Lol

 

Many men are smarter, funnier, and sexier than the next man. So what? I dont break a sweat. Because the same holds true for her.

[Lorenza]

Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him plainly how you feel around your attractive friends. Make no demands, don't accuse him on anything in advance and don't tell him how you'd like him to act when they come over to your party. Simply say that your friends are so beautiful and even if you love them very much sometimes you feel a bit insecure around them.

 

If your boyfriend isn't a fool he will be more discreet around you and your friends and won't openly show his admiration as to not to hurt you. You'll find out how much he cares

[hippychick3]

I have a girlfriend like that. She is tall and gorgeous. Wherever we go, guys hit on her and I definitely think she's more attractive than me. However, my bf has told me that he finds me much more attractive and doesn't appear to be attracted to her at all. He really believes that when we go out if men hit on her, then more men are hitting on me. I will tell you, though, that all men flock to her first (not that it matters...I'm not interested in anyone else).

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your boyfriend very well may end up seeing you as more beautiful on the outside. But, even if he does not, his feelings for you should be deeper and go beyond superficial looks. He should love you for all that you are inside and out.

[Miss Spider]

Newsflash: Your boyfriend already feels lust for other women all the time. Will you forbid him to leave the house? How about use the internet? He's gonna see women constantly which fill him with lust, some way more than you, but that doesn't mean it changes the way he feels about you. He chooses you over them because he lurves you.

[ItsAllConfusing]

I can understand your concern. In this situation, a great part of me would never introduce my boyfriend to attractive friends. However, I think that if these women are close to you and are true friends and you are serious about your boyfriend then yes I think that they should meet.

 

Relationship is built on trust and if your boyfriend is going to cheat on you he will regardless if you shield him from your attractive friends. If he does cheat on you then he is not deserving of you.

 

If these women are close to you then I think it's only normal/fair to introduce them to him.

[Gaeta]

You need to grow out and above this. There will always be sexier and prettier women around, always! Will you spend the rest of your life worrying that your bf might find them attractive and stray.

[Versacehottie]

Of course he would and it is a fact of life. The difference is that I don't have to be present to witness any apparant signs of interest he presents when meeting them. When it comes to my friends it would be different; I'd be seeing his eyes fill with stars when I introduce him to these people he apparently has to get on with, and it won't be the only time he'll be seeing them. Or asking me how they're doing. What's more it can be avoided, that's what I'm contemplating.

 

Well for the sake of your real relationship and its strength, I would advise that it's not smart to "hide" a part of your life, especially one as important as your best friends from him. If you are to grow as a couple, be balanced and healthy, you need to find a way to bridge this. "Fear" will stunt you and destroy you ultimately. Face it, deal with it and you will conquer it.

 

I'm not a jealous person so haven't really had to deal with what you feel-- however, a good way to approach it, in part, is to change your mindset. Right now you are trying to "hold on" and somehow think of yourself as "less than". it was written between the lines of your OP in your comments describing your friends and then yourself. If anything, introducing your bf to these girls and how he reacts has the potential to give you a great deal of confidence OR expose a person who is not worthy of YOU. think of it like that.

 

Like donnivan, I have many stunning girlfriends. We are all different though and I've noticed guys sometimes like this one and sometimes that one, etc. The majority of my friends and my guys have been really loyal, etc. However, a couple of times, a few girlfriends have definitely attempted to flirt or hit on my guy. Want to know which girlfriends it was that tried that? The not as cute ones! The most gorgeous ones were extremely loyal and good friends. I was always glad that the others exposed themselves for who they were. All my bf's were definitely loyal in that situation (with my friends). Better to know. Not that anyone is specifically testing anyone. But I wouldn't hide a part of my life to "prevent" anything from happening or have my guy feel like he could do better. If he felt like that, wouldn't you want to drop him? ps in my experience, guys love it when your gf's are stunning AND handled themselves well. Give guys some credit. Good luck