youdunsay Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I went on a date with a man more than a decade older than me. It was only the first date and he was all over me. He invited me to his place and made me dinner. It was all very sweet and he seemed like a very sweet man but a little overly mushy. No we didn't do anything more than the dinner. I am not the mushy type and I feel weird for someone who tell me how much he love me on just first date. The next morning during our short text conversation I was kind of rude and told him to stop all those "dearie". I think he was pissed and he stopped talking to me. Am I wrong?
anika99 Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 No I don't think you were wrong. He was coming on way too strong way too fast.
Gillys Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I dont think you were wrong. I also think its a little weird for someone to be really mushy and confess their love on the first date if you just met. To me it just screams "player" or "really clingy". However, he could just out of practice when it comes to dating. If you want to see him again, I would just tell him you enjoyed the date and you think he is very sweet however, you're uncomfortable with the mushy language this early on...just to see if he can tone it down a bit for the second date.
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 A dinner in as the first date is odd in & of itself. If you don't otherwise know the man, it could be dangerous. Anybody who seems to be seeking instant intimacy is to be avoided.
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 (edited) No. That was your instincts warning you about a red flag. Someone who seems to think they love you as soon as you meet isn't even bothering to find out who you are as a person first and is just in love with love and assuming you're the dream woman in his head that doesn't exist. Also, the one guy I knew well who was like that was a surveiller and stalker before it was easy to do that. He researched the person he was attracted to and watched them and by the time he even talked to them, he was convinced she was the one and came on way too fast and talked about marriage almost immediately. Fortunately, he had me as a friend and I gradually convinced him (he's in MENSA and otherwise pretty analytical) why this was backfiring and gave him the woman's perspective. He finally got it that they weren't flattered he loved them because he didn't even know them except from afar. Eventually he met someone who came after him and took him safely away to matrimonial bliss. Also, I would just add that in my work I had the opportunity to read the love letters of a guy who swindled a widow out of all her money, talking her into buying a house for all of them to live in and a car, etc.in his name only, and then broke up with her after he got all her money. These love letters were ridiculously grandiose and Baroque. Honestly, any woman that would believe a man would actually feel like that is an idiot. It was like reading flowery poetry only much worse. So that should have been a red flag, but she was vulnerable and wanted to believe him. So too mushy too soon is not a good sign. It's wacko and could be a con, too. Edited May 15, 2017 by preraph
Titanll Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 I think that you set a boundary that needed to be there. Some people communicate a little more freely than others and while there is nothing wrong with that, he seems a little over the top. Mushy, not bad. Saying that he loves you on date one, I see a red flag there.
Author youdunsay Posted May 16, 2017 Author Posted May 16, 2017 Thanks sisters. He didn't reply ever since. I got to know him through online dating and anyway, my city is full of single ladies. I suppose he's seeing other girls now. I don't understand why can someone be so controlling and wants to be boyfriend-girlfriend stage after knowing a person in less than three hours?
jjgitties Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 hmm.. sounds a little odd. How old is this guy? What cultural background? Who uses the word "dearie" in this day and age? I mean, its entirely possible that a very age difference might be at issue. But also, saying you love someone on a first date is really weird.
preraph Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 Thanks sisters. He didn't reply ever since. I got to know him through online dating and anyway, my city is full of single ladies. I suppose he's seeing other girls now. I don't understand why can someone be so controlling and wants to be boyfriend-girlfriend stage after knowing a person in less than three hours? It's mental sickness.
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I don't understand why can someone be so controlling and wants to be boyfriend-girlfriend stage after knowing a person in less than three hours? Usually that is the sign of a player. They guy will say what he thinks a woman wants to hear in order to sleep with him. 1
Popsicle Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 It just means you're not compatible. To each her own, but I personally would rather have an overly mushy type than an azzhole type. Some women prefer the azzhole type. I prefer the mushy type and would just NICELY ask him to slow down a little bit. They usually respond well if you ask nicely.
Author youdunsay Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 It just means you're not compatible. To each her own, but I personally would rather have an overly mushy type than an azzhole type. Some women prefer the azzhole type. I prefer the mushy type and would just NICELY ask him to slow down a little bit. They usually respond well if you ask nicely. Alright should I apologise for my rude behaviour? He didn't respond to me since the last message.
Author youdunsay Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 hmm.. sounds a little odd. How old is this guy? What cultural background? Who uses the word "dearie" in this day and age? I mean, its entirely possible that a very age difference might be at issue. But also, saying you love someone on a first date is really weird. He's French type, 40.
Author youdunsay Posted May 17, 2017 Author Posted May 17, 2017 Maybe he's in a rush to find a wife and so he asked about my ideal future plan?
preraph Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 When it happens right when you first meet, it's their desperation and they're projecting on to you the perfect women in their head they hope you are but then as they get to know you they become disgruntled because you're not like they hoped and they rarely have the insight to know it's them who jumped to conclusions and often blame you because "you changed, you're not who you were when we met." This is why I think it's not good. It's too soon. On the other hand if someone has taken you out a few times and becomes mushy, bring it on!
Author youdunsay Posted May 24, 2017 Author Posted May 24, 2017 I just want to do a follow-up and apparently, you girls are right. I happened to see that guy with another girl heading for drinks at bar after work. From how the girl is dressed, senses tell me he's in for playing. 1
RichardGhval Posted June 4, 2017 Posted June 4, 2017 I have found that some restaurants are really very good and enjoy the challenge. I think caterers would be the same. If you go in to the search with a positive expectation and good communication, I think you will find someone who can give you the service and products that you need. Isnt that what catering really means anyway?
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