samsam1877 Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 Hi all, first time posting. When I was 15 I started dating my boyfriend, everything went well until I turned 18 and broke up with him out of fear of missing out on life and people. He was my first love. A couple months after I dated this guy who was extremly abusive , verbally. Very jealous and controlling. It lasted 4 years. I got the courage to leave him and that led to 3 months of stalking until I had to scare him off with police and what not for him to get the message that enough was enough. I got in contact with my first love and met up , right after my breakup and when I saw him it was like we had never been apart. After a few weeks of seeing eachother , he told me he wanted us to try again our relationship even though he told me he wasnt ready for a relationship. I was also not ready but were good together so why not. I after learned he had brain cancer, nothing serious as of yet but its an ongoing checkup every 3 months to make sure it doesnt grow. I learned by myself that this cancer changed him.. I fully understand but he is not the same person. He loves me very much but he lies a lot. Not small lies, big lies. He made me believe that he cheated on me and told me it wasnt true only a year after... he made up a girl which he gave me an email too but turned out it was him pretending.. when asked about it he said that his friends told him to not be a soft guy and make me pay for leaving him.. but he did that 10months after weve been back together... he also lied about paying a loan we have together until collection agencies called me, and lied about taking drugs that I found out a year after. They were painkillers. I get that its hard what he is going through. Ive tried talking to him for now 2 years Ive given my 110%, undivided attention. Even when I thought he cheated I was still all over him but with time I realised how messed up the lies were that Ive started the "no f*cks given" trend. I feel good but Im almost MIA.. I dont care as much as I should with this relationship, I do my own thing and learn to take care of me first. Im different Im fed up of all the lies and he knows , we talked and I'm not ready to lose him for good as I regretted in the past.. but at the same time i'm giving him almost no attention no love because i'm so fed up and I dont know what to believe anymore. If I give it time will it help? How can I learn to love and trust again. I'm scared to never see him again if I lose him but Its like I want to be single at the same time.. the best of both worlds. My abusive ex messed me up and Ive started to pick myself up Thanks a lot
preraph Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 Lying isn't something one generally stops doing. One lie leads to more lies. I don't know if this has anything to do with his brain cancer or if he's just a pathological liar, but there is NO room in your life for this. Lying is also abuse. Why not try to be on your own for awhile or get a female roommate and just see how peaceful it is not having to deal with abusive guys. Once you learn to lean on yourself and know you can take care of yourself, you will not even attract or accept as many bad guys. Let this guy go. He's a mess. It's above your pay grade and mine. 1
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