lovesfool Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I'm sure this problem comes up a lot, but I'm in a tricky situation. I started dating a guy. He's really nice and sweet and we have a lot in common. We've only been on 3 dates, but have messaged each other a lot. I like him, but clearly not as much as he likes me. He got drunk one night and ended up telling me he's crazy about me. It's only been a few dates so I was a bit confused about his enthusiasm, but then found out that this was his first time on the dating scene. This has lead to some other things that bug me a little. When we are intimate, it is a little bit awkward. He is inexperienced and it definitely shows! Because I've only been on a few dates with this guy, I've still been on Tinder chatting to other guys. There's one guy that I found to be really nice and we had been chatting for a while. He has asked me to go on a date and I've told him "maybe". On the one hand, I feel that because the guy I've been dating and I never said we'd be mutually exclusive (yet), there's no reason not to go on a date with this other guy. On the other hand, I would kind of feel guilty going on a date when I still intend on going on another date with the first guy. Basically I am uncertain about the first guy I'm dating (due to his inexperience/awkwardness and the hope that it will pass), and I'm trying to keep my options open. Is this morally wrong? Is this uncertainty and desire to go on a date with someone else a sign I should end things with the first guy?
fmfan08 Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I'm sure this problem comes up a lot, but I'm in a tricky situation. I started dating a guy. He's really nice and sweet and we have a lot in common. We've only been on 3 dates, but have messaged each other a lot. I like him, but clearly not as much as he likes me. He got drunk one night and ended up telling me he's crazy about me. It's only been a few dates so I was a bit confused about his enthusiasm, but then found out that this was his first time on the dating scene. This has lead to some other things that bug me a little. When we are intimate, it is a little bit awkward. He is inexperienced and it definitely shows! Because I've only been on a few dates with this guy, I've still been on Tinder chatting to other guys. There's one guy that I found to be really nice and we had been chatting for a while. He has asked me to go on a date and I've told him "maybe". On the one hand, I feel that because the guy I've been dating and I never said we'd be mutually exclusive (yet), there's no reason not to go on a date with this other guy. On the other hand, I would kind of feel guilty going on a date when I still intend on going on another date with the first guy. Basically I am uncertain about the first guy I'm dating (due to his inexperience/awkwardness and the hope that it will pass), and I'm trying to keep my options open. Is this morally wrong? Is this uncertainty and desire to go on a date with someone else a sign I should end things with the first guy? You're not tied to anyone, date who you want until you decide to be exclusive with someone. 2
joseb Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 It's not morally wrong. But I can understand your reluctance. I've tried multi dating and don't really like it. Regarding the intimacy, how bad was bad? Was there no chemistry? I mean I've been with girls that were pretty clueless but if the attraction and chemistry were there it didn't really bother me. 3
Author lovesfool Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 It's not morally wrong. But I can understand your reluctance. I've tried multi dating and don't really like it. Regarding the intimacy, how bad was bad? Was there no chemistry? I mean I've been with girls that were pretty clueless but if the attraction and chemistry were there it didn't really bother me. I do find him attractive, but once we got into the bedroom it changed. The first thing, which is minor in my eyes, is that he's hairy! It's not something I find attractive so it was a bit off putting. The second thing was the kissing. He's just not a good kisser. It's like he's trying to force a kiss onto me. It caused my mind to dwell on it and took away from the experience if I'm honest. The hair thing I could get over I guess. There's always waxing! As for the kissing, I put it down to inexperience. I suppose it's something that he can improve on, if he was aware of it. These are things that could change, that's why I don't want to give up all hope.
preraph Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 It's not wrong. You'll have to slow guy number one down and it doesn't sound like you're going to keep him long. Just if he starts asking how you feel or for exclusivity, you must tell him you are dating around some. And the next guy as well if the subject comes up. Dating is not a marriage proposal. Now on the other side of the coin, one man at a time is usually enough time and trouble for me to deal with, but that's all up to you! 1
kendahke Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 No, it's not morally wrong. You just need to decide if guy #1 overall is worth further investment. You can teach him how you like to be kissed if he's got other traits that bend your mind to giving him a chance. And as you say, there's always wax...
Titanll Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 If you date one guy at a time, you never have to feel guilty. I have never multi dated and never worry about it. Of course, I don't date people that I am on the fence about either. There is no shortage of humans the last I checked.
Whodatdog Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 That is why its called dating. You will never find someone that you want to be with, hopefully mutually exclusive, if you dont date people. You're already not all that enamored over this guy, so if you feel he's more vested than you are, maybe break it off gently with him. Ive never seen anything wrong with dating several people at once. Usually it will settle out to where its easier to see who is right for you, when theres other to compare him to. I cant imagine its ever "implied" to be exclusive after a date or two. There has to be a discussion before that happens.
todreaminblue Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 (edited) i think where you come to a feeling of wrongness is where you know the guy is crazy about you and you arent feeling the same back......so chances are if he is crazy about you then he is exclusive with you...so that would add to the guilt feelings... ..for me, inexperienced guys arent a turn off because i can show them ..im older anyway so inexeperience isnt soemthing i deal with often.........and besides we can learn together evey dynamic is unique........its pretty simple stuff if the guy truly cares they are the ones who wish to please you most.....thats fact but to truly show a new to it all guy, you need complete honesty and it takes a little longer not to much longer though......everyone is an inexperienced kisser at the beginning they need one good teacher thats all..... i feel if you were honest with him that you are consdierign dating an other it would be more fair and that allows him and gives him the option to be honest with you how he feels about that like others on here i can only handle dating one guy at a time so my focus isnt split and if this situation if it were mine....i would be open and honest with the guys involved..... so they then can choose what they want to do.....honestly i would stay with the guy i was already dating and give him a fair go......but it isnt morally wrong in my opinion......if everyone involved is aware ....of where they stand..no hidden agendas or feelings but open and honest...for instance not going on a date one night with one guy because you want to go on a date with the other guy instead, that sort of thing.....deb... Edited May 15, 2017 by todreaminblue 1
Mkn1010 Posted May 15, 2017 Posted May 15, 2017 (edited) It's not morally wrong. But I can understand your reluctance. I've tried multi dating and don't really like it. Regarding the intimacy, how bad was bad? Was there no chemistry? I mean I've been with girls that were pretty clueless but if the attraction and chemistry were there it didn't really bother me. I'm one of such clueless girls but have had men be completely interested in sex and post sex because of our mutual chemistry so I completely agree with joseb. So it's not the inexperience that's the issue! it sounds like you have incompatible kissing styles which doesn't change and I personally would find that a HUGE deal breaker as I can't get turned on/out of my head if the kissing isn't great! Edited May 15, 2017 by Mkn1010 1
joseb Posted May 16, 2017 Posted May 16, 2017 I agree, I think you are just not that attracted to this guy. If you were, you might barely notice the hair. And kissing is mostly about attraction. Sure, there is technique but I think you kind of figure that out automatically when the attraction is there.
victoria88 Posted May 17, 2017 Posted May 17, 2017 (edited) Your questions: Is this morally wrong? Is this uncertainty and desire to go on a date with someone else a sign I should end things with the first guy? My answers (no judging): -Yes, it is morally wrong. (Dating 2 men is morally wrong. Only talking to someone is not equal to dating him. You can have just friends...) -Decide who you want to be with, then be with him! p.s. Do not forget to make sure the man you select is not married/engaged/in a serious relationship, or in a relationship at all. Just ask they do not hide such things. Edited May 17, 2017 by victoria88
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