Mboom Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 I have been casually seeing this guy for the past 6 weeks. On our last date, we became sexually intimate. We didn't actually have sex but did oral and all that. Anyway his last relationship was over 4 years and he told me she was his first. He's 25. He also told me that there were sexual issues (on her end) and they didn't have sex MORE THAN ONCE in a 4 year relationship but did pretty much everything else. Basically during the first time we got intimate, he got nervous and said he wasn't ready for sex and needed some more time. He told me he's not technically a virgin but due to the huge lack of sex in his prior relationship, he's very nervous about having sex with me. He currently lives with his family and I live alone. The next date I suggested he meet up near my area on a weeknight. He lives about an hour and a half away and said it'd be tricky for him. He'd still come out but I decided to meet him in the middle as he always commutes to see me and I've never met him in his area/in the middle so figured it was time for me to meet him halfway. Basically our next date will not end in sex, which is fine. Is this okay? I guess after being intimate with someone, I'm used to always being intimate after dates. After our next date, I will suggest a date over the weekend and let him know it's cool if he wants to sleep over. Any thoughts on how to make him feel more comfortable about sex? I figured if I try to not pressure him, he might be more comfortable
Author Mboom Posted May 14, 2017 Author Posted May 14, 2017 (edited) He could be lying but I'm pretty sure he's being honest. Before we even hooked up, I was wondering if he was a virgin to be honest. He seemed to be oddly not used to making out and cuddling. He also told me before we hooked up that he'd never been sexual with a woman until after months of dating her. We have insane chemistry and sexually everything was great (hence why I want to do it again). But he also seemed really shy and nervous at first. He also felt really embarrassed about his lack of sexual experience so the story felt pretty authentic to me. Anyway you are right. I may need to cut off all sexual contact until we go all the way. I'm a sexual person and just doing oral feels like foreplay for me. It's just not enough for me and I'd hate to have a relationship with only oral and not actual sex. But I'm more than happy to wait. But you are right, his past experience may have shaped how he views sex. Another reason I believe the story is back when I was 18, I was in a 2 year relationship where we never had sex but only did oral. I had severe hangups regarding sex due to prior sexual abuse and was very uncomfortable having sex, so I can understand how anyone can get in a long term relationship like that. My next relationship I had dealt with my issues and was ready to have sex and be positive about it, and now I'd describe myself as a pretty sexual person. So in general I understand how someone can have a relationship like that, but I also know from my own experience, that you can develop a good mindset about sex even if you had prior hangups about it. Edited May 14, 2017 by Mboom
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2017 Posted May 14, 2017 Of course it's fine not to have sex on / after every date even after you have become sexually active. When there is some distance involved, and 1.5 hours is a distance (but not LDR), you will have more meet in the middle weeknight dates then sleep overs. For his sake, get to know him better. Perhaps invite him over for the weekend next weekend.
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